I promised you I'd tell you what a Pelican Briefcase is, so here you go.
A Pelican Briefcase is a briefcase that closely resembles a pelican, but when you press the red button, it turns into a pelican and does whatever it feels like, such as blowing up an airport and summoning the Psych Ward people to send you to the Psych Ward. Also, it has a weird obsession with Pelican Crossings. I don't know why that's important yet, but just keep it in mind. It might have something to do with that one movie with a similar name, but I don't know what it's about, so I really can't comment on it..
Liam Liam Liamson and Professor Liam Parke sat next to each other, in the corner of the padded cell in the Psych Ward.
"So, how did you get in?"
"Pelican Briefcase, again."
"How did that happen though; did it blow up an airport again?"
"Yes, the TSA people pressed the red button."
"Those idiots. I want to burnt them alive and throw their charred corpses into a river like I did to that stupid video game console, Splurmpy."
"Why did you do that?"
"My father told me."
"Wait, Liam Patrick Parke? Didn't he die before the console was announced?"
"Omniam is my only father. Liam Patrick Parke has no plot relevance."
"Dad, for the last time, we are not in a book." Liam Liam Liamson was, of course, wrong, because this is, in fact, a book.
"Oh, the food's here!"
I promised you I would tell you about the story of the Turkey Steve army, so let's do that right now.
Omniam invaded Professor and Liam's mind. "You want to get rid of the Pelican Briefcase, right?"
"Yes, we do," they both said.
"You must ask the people in the Psych Ward if you can work on an army of Turkey Steves." They had not heard of that for ages. "You must ask to neutralise the Pelican Briefcase, but instead put it inside one of the Turkey Steves. This will get rid of it, and you will give the Pelican Briefcase to the military."
They got to work right away.
"Hello advisor person man!"
"Hello Liam the Great, the Great Dictator of the Great Liaman Empire of Greatness, you are very great!"
"Hmmmm, are you just saying that because you're afraid I'll execute you if you don't?"
"Yes."
"Hahaha. I like you! I'll make it so you genuinely think I'm great and you don't have to pretend! I actually don't care if you hate me, but pwease give me conswuctive cwiticism becawse it huwts my feewings," he said in a voice mimicking that of a non-specified actor. "Well, any problems?"
"Not for me personally, but the micro bacteria are barely surviving, and the tribal villages are conflicting."
"Ok, we have to worry about them or everyone's going to remember me as the worst person ever! I'm actually the first Communist leader that is not a power hungry evil bad guy! I had this title of greatness when I was a fascist, but since then I've changed my ways. How's the war against the Capitafascist Empire going?" he said, but please note I do not support any of these political views and I do not agree with what Liam the Great, the Great Dictator of the Great Liaman Empire of Greatness just said. Let's continue with the story.
"Really well actually, they only have 2 people left."
"Who are they?"
"Leam Patricia Parkelia and this other person called Omniam."
"My Great Grandson? I can't kill him!"
If you thought you'd learn about Omniam in this chapter, you're going to be very disappointed. You will learn about him in the final chapter.
"Did you know this building that used to be a castle, is now an airport?"
"Sir, Omniam has a briefcase of some sort."
"Wait, not my great grandfather's Pelican Briefcase! Oh no! We're going to the Psych Ward!"
Omniam destroyed the airport with his Pelican Briefcase and then immediately left. It killed Liam the Great, the Great Dictator of the Great Liaman Empire of Greatness's advisor.
"Oh no! My advisor! Wait, Leam, is that you?"
"Well, seeing as no one else is alive…"
"The airport's blown up and it's completely gone!"
"You two, Psych Ward, now!"
"Where are we?" Liam the- wait, let's just call him Liam the Great, and we'll call Leam, Leam the Great.
"Welcome to the Psych Ward!" Liam Liam Liamson said.
"Help us make these Turkey Steves!"
"Wait, Professor?"
"Yes, it's me."
"Amazing! This is so cool!"
"Yes whatever, just help us make the Turkey Steves."
28 years passed.
"Turkey Steves are done!" Professor Liam Parke said.
Omniam entered his consciousness and took the Turkey Steves. "Well done, you four! I'll be taking those!"
"I thought they were for the-"
"You dare defy the Great Lord Omniam? I will take these back to the Majapahit era!"
"Not the Majapahit! I guess it can't be helped."
"So, Jalborithm Eff, when are these Turkey Steves going to be done?"
"I don't know, Joe Sniven, I'm working on it!" Of course, he was lying, as Professor Liam Parke was working on it.
Omniam interrupted his consciousness. "Here are the Turkey Steves that you requested. Ask no further questions."
"Ok, sure, whatever."
So, you know the Turkey Steves were created to dispose of the Pelican Briefcase, but what were the consequences of that? Let's see.
"JE, what can these things do?
"Well, Sniven, they have a red button, and if you press it, they will do whatever you want them to!"
"Can you give a demonstration?"
"Sure!" He pressed the red button. This was a mistake. This Turkey Steve was the host of the Pelican Briefcase.
"Hello JE, what do you want me to do?"
"Go and blow up that airport!"
Like an airport crashing to the ground, the airport crashed to the ground.
"JE, go to the Psych ward."
"I'm very passionate about these Turkey Steves. It's a shame that I had to give them to Omniam. Is that Jalborithm Eff?"
"Yes, it is I, JE, ruler of the Majapahit Empire, and like an airport exploding, the airport exploded."
"Well, let me introduce you to everyone! We have me, Professor Liam Parke, my son, Liam Liam Liamson, Liam the Gr-"
"Just call me Liam."
"What about Liam Patrick Parke though?
"He's dead!"
"What time are you from?"
"4685 of course!"
"I'm dead by then."
"Oh. Call me Liam the Great. She's Leam the Great."
"Ok, you look like an interesting group of people. Why am I here?"
"We don't know."