\|/ Turn 43, very late dark
Mik is still thin but manages to get up now. I've had to beat myself up.
I woke up at my usual time, just a bit after first light. My entire body ached from the previous turn, but at least my stomach wasn't cramping, and the taste in my mouth was neutral. I could actually taste Mik in the air again, which felt comforting, despite the taste being… potent.
I stretched a bit and got up. I thought Mik would be sleeping, but it wasn't. It was awake, covered in the shadow cloak, writing something in its journal. I got close and Mik flinched, not having noticed I was awake. It bared its teeth… 'smile'? Smile. That's what Mik wrote down before calling me a 'lizard'. I'll use that.
Right, Mik smiled (I hope that's the correct past tense of the word, if it even has tenses) and opened up a page in its journal.
Mik tapped the word "up" written in Varanth script.
"Up?" I was hissing to it, tapping the word.
It bare… smiled and put the journal down, holding out its hand.
It wants me to help it up?
I hesitated for a moment to grab Mik's hand, fearing I would accidentally claw it, but in the end, I took it with both hands. My left hand shook from being closed.
Mik then suddenly pulled me down, making me fall on top of it. The sudden movement of my left arm being tugged harshly felt like it was being torn off. I bounced off of Mik and fell to the side with Mik falling backwards.
"I wasn't ready!" I hissed out, holding my left arm. Mik groaned from me falling on its injured arm. It was lucky that I fell on it with my stomach, and not my back. I immediately felt bad for hissing so loudly.
After a few moments I got up and gave my right arm. My left was too injured to help with Mik's weight, a lesson I should've learned when I was climbing the tree.
Mik slowly sat up again and took my hand. I felt my claws burrowing slightly into its palm but not piercing.
I took the initiative and started pulling with all of my strength.
Mik was heavy. One would think that a starved species would be lighter, but I felt like I was moving a boulder.
After a few moments and a lot of effort from both sides, Mik was standing. It was unstable, and I had to hold it from falling forward for a moment, but it was standing. It felt slightly intimidating. I forgot how tall Mik was, before my… before I found it starved.
Mik then shook its right hand in the air. Not the usual flailing, but like it was trying to get something off of its hand. I tapped it on the hip to ask what it was doing.
It showed me its palm. Three red claw marks were visible. My claw marks. Again.
"Sorry…" I hissed, looking down.
"Maya" Mik said.
I looked up at it again. It held up its palm and slowly made its way to the entrance.
"It wasn't on purpose…" I muttered, following it.
Mik then stopped again, facing me. It tapped the ground with its foot once, held its palm up, and continued going outside.
"I really don't understand what you are trying to say." I told it, continuing to follow. I wasn't sure what it wanted to do outside. My best guess was lightbathe after being inside the tent for so long. It looked rather pale.
Mik stopped again. I almost bumped into it. I was starting to get annoyed by all this stopping and going.
Mik took a deep breath and went back towards its spot while I waited at the entrance. It slowly, very slowly, took its journal from the ground. I was worried it would fall over from bending down.
It got back to me and crouched on one knee and opened to write something in its journal. Mik then showed me what it wrote.
"No go."
No go? It wants me to stay in the tent?Why?
Mik closed the journal and threw it back down. Mik then tried to get up but failed. It sighed and held out a hand. I helped it up again, and it left the tent, leaving me alone.
This is weird.
I couldn't understand why Mik would want me to stay explicitly in the tent, despite it being weak.
I looked around. There wasn't much I could do while I waited for it. I saw its journal.
I wondered whether I could maybe understand something in its own script, since it managed to figure mine out. I went and sat down, opening its journal.
I flipped through the pages and pages of its script, not understanding one bit.
Then I saw the pages where it had been rehearsing Varanth script. I flipped through them. There were at least 6 pages of it trying to figure out how to write.
The first page was just repeating letters. They were all extremely poorly drawn at first but became understandable after a few revisions.
How much time had Mik spent doing this?
The amount of effort it took astounded me. It was stuck in the tent for a while during the white death…
After the letters came words. It was just jumbles of random letters at first, but it managed to figure out words and their meanings. The first word was "Maya". It probably read where I signed myself in my journal and figured that out. From what I could see, it didn't know a lot of words, just the most common ones like "go", "is" and other words it had written in my journal when it was writing instead of me.
I hated how one of the words it had learned was "monster", from when I was not myself. It meant that it had read, at least partially, my suicide note a few times.
I put down Mik's journal and opened mine. I stared at the pages where I had written how it would be better, where I drew to Mik how it should eat me.
I wanted to tear the pages out and burn them.
But at the same time, what would be the point of it?
If I am writing this journal under the excuse of it being a detailed list of what happened to me, wouldn't me tearing out that part ruin what it represented?
I stared at it for a bit more, truly weighing if I should destroy those few pages.
I decided against it in the end. If anything, I would have it as a reminder of the worst part of my entire life, and almost the end of it. If I got back to Varanth and I had my journal, I could open those damned pages and laugh at them, thinking how stupid I was at the time.
I closed the journal and waited for Mik to get back. I took a few more peaks in Mik's journal but couldn't understand anything asides from the Varanth script it managed to write.
Mik took quite a while to get back. About a mark had passed. I was starting to worry, but it came back before I decided to go out.
Mik came back inside, still not very stable. It wasn't carrying anything.
"What were you doing for that long?" I wondered aloud. Mik smiled at me and sat down, almost falling backwards.
It reached out and took the wings of the swimmer. I had repressed it mentally, but Mik taking the wings reminded me of what I had done.
Mik put them next to itself and took one, beginning to descale it. I didn't want to watch the process, but was thankful Mik was doing it, as it felt unimaginable for me to do it.
I had other ideas for the turn. I wanted to fully clear the path to the lake so we would have a better chance of finding food when it ran out. I wasn't intending on climbing the tree again.
I went next to Mik and tapped its hatchet that was on the ground. Mik looked at me.
"Could I borrow this again…?" I asked it, tapping it once more.
Mik didn't respond.
I took my journal out and wrote "take?".
Mik read it for a few moments. I think it was struggling to decipher what I wrote. But it managed to figure it out and smiled.
I took the hatchet and scurried out of the tent.
When I got outside warmth washed over me. I estimated that I could comfortably walk around without my cloak on very soon and that genuinely excited me. It didn't impair me, but I missed the light on my scales.
I took the now somewhat cleared path back towards the lake. It wasn't much, but it was visible where I had cleared it, and actually traversable. I passed the tree which I had climbed, surprised at the fact that I actually managed to get that far up. I saw some more fruits up there.
Nope.
Then, I got back to the bush.
"Hello! It's me!" I hissed loudly.
The bush recognized either my vibrations, my taste or my voice. It opened up a clearing forward that fit my size.
Suns, that is weird.
I was mostly joking the first time I thought of it as sentient. But this seemed… planned. Plants moving like an animal was one thing, but this actually creeped me out.
"Thanks…" I muttered. I walked through the bush, my right hand with the hatchet ready to fight it off if it decided that I would make a good meal. Thankfully, the plant stayed unmoving until I had fully passed through. It closed behind me.
…right.
I was approaching the part where I had stopped clearing the last time. It was almost midlight, and I felt hungry again, but at least I wasn't starving.
I spent the rest of lightime clearing the path. I used my right arm to clear with the hatchet and make more marks on the trees to point me to the tent, and my left arm to hold the branches and leaves I was cutting. Even though I was sparing it, my left arm felt worse than my right during work. There were also fungal vines from when I was fighting the shadow that were particularly difficult to get through, because they were much denser than I remembered them being.
Then I tasted the water from the lake in the air. I got a second wind from knowing I was close, despite my arms burning.
I got to the lake as the red dwarf was setting.
And I saw so much life.
Not just plant life, but more animals.
There were animals in the lake, but they were much different. They had longer necks and blueish cloaks. I couldn't see more details from that distance, but they were definitely larger than me. I saw one appearing from underwater, seemingly having dived in, with some kind of aquatic being flailing in its mouth.
I saw some gargantuan animal in the middle of the lake. It was incredibly intimidating. It had a green cloak with some silver accents and was at least four times my size. I could see that its chitinous snout was incredibly deep. It scooped up a whole lot of water, waited a bit and then spat it out.
Filter feeding?
It was my best guess as I stared in awe.
I saw movements off to the side of the lake. I squinted and fought the red dwarf to see what was there. I saw moving red shapes.
The screechers.
Their red cloaks were recognizable. I saw a whole bunch of them, some lying on what looked like nests. They had moved here after the white death. I counted about 9 of them in that area alone.
The red dwarf setting over the lake was beautiful. I sat down to just watch it for a few more spans, and to watch all of the animals from afar. I felt satisfied that my educated guess that the lake would have more life was correct.
After a few more spans, I decided to make my way back. Wandering through darkness would be too dangerous, and there was definitely more out there during the dark.
I dragged myself back the path I had made. I was barely holding the hatchet at that point, too tired to properly think. I got to the friendly bush again.
"Open, please."
The bush opened a path for me. It felt more like a nice coworker instead of a plant.
I stopped in the middle of the clearing, looking around. I couldn't see any ways the plant could harm me. It didn't have thorns or anything stronger than a leaf to try and choke me or something.
I decided to sit down. At least I was hidden while there.
Then, the bush started closing around me. I immediately got tense and prepared the hatchet.
This was a horrible idea!!
The bush closed all paths through and then stopped when it got to me.
I was located in a perfectly Maya shaped hole. The bush worked as a filter. I couldn't hear the singing I disliked, and I couldn't feel any air taste. I still felt a light breeze, which meant it wasn't trying to starve me of air.
"Huh."
It felt surprisingly calming. It was dark, yes, but I was finally at peace.
I leaned on the branches and leaves behind me. They didn't react, and they were so soft.
"Well, this is lovely…" I whispered, in disbelief. It felt like l found the most comfortable place on Tau.
Just for a moment… I thought to myself, closing my eyes.
And, like the idiot I am, I dozed off.
I slowly stirred awake later, but I wasn't in the bush. I was somewhere I didn't recognize. I tasted water in the air. My left arm and back were still disfigured. It was midlight.
I quickly got up as I panicked.
What did the bush do!?
I didn't have my cloak nor the hatchet. I felt extremely vulnerable. The fact that it was midlight made me think the bush made me sleep an entire turn, and maybe even sleepwalk somewhere.
Is the bush a brain parasite?Why am I here?
There was a taste of water in the air, like that of a water spring. I decided to go towards it to orient myself.
As I approached, I heard laughter.
Not Mik's laughter, but my own, and it wasn't coming from me.
I sneaked towards the water, thinking maybe something was mimicking me.
As I got to the lake, I saw what was laughing so maniacally.
It was me.
She was laughing with a twisted expression. Her left arm wasn't injured, and she had all of her back thorns. She was holding a swimmer underwater, which was flailing and trying to fight back. The other swimmer, the one that tried to defend the first one, was impaled by its lower left wing on her tailtip. The water was stained red with its blood.
"No…" I breathed out in disbelief.
"Oh, there you are! Why don't you join in on the fun!" she noticed me, still cackling manically.
"That's not me! It wasn't FUN!" I yelled out to her.
"Don't lie to yourself! You loved every bit!" she yelled back, turning to the drowning swimmer who had poked its head out for just a moment.
I covered my head and closed my eyes.
This isn't happening. I wasn't like this!
"Oh, but you were! Don't try to deflect! Believe me, I know you very well!" she read my thoughts.
"NO!" I screeched out and jumped in the water.
I grabbed a rock on the way and hit it against the back of her head. A thorn was immediately torn, but she didn't stop laughing.
She lost balance and the swimmer she was drowning floated up, but it was already dead. The one impaled on her tail managed to get its wing unstuck and fled.
She lunged at me, trying to drown me next.
I was forced underwater and felt myself choking. It felt so damn real.
I managed to slip under her and grab her legs. I brought them up and made her fall over me as I reached the surface.
I coughed the water out of my mouth and grabbed her by the shoulders, shoving her underwater. The water stained green from her blood.
She kept laughing. I could somehow hear her from underwater.
"This is what you're meant to be, darling! This is who you are!"
"I AM NOT YOU!" I yelled out, holding her underwater. She didn't stop laughing.
Suddenly, I was the one underwater, choking myself.
I snapped awake in the bush, coughing and wheezing. I spat water out of my mouth.
I was utterly confused about what was real. It was pitch black, and I could feel my cloak on me and the hatchet by my side.
How am I choking on water?!
I felt more water hitting my scales and thorns. It was muted, but it flowed on me.
I stood up and heard the rustling of leaves moving. I was in the bush.
I quickly got up and ran to my right, towards the tent.
Rain.
It was raining regular water. That's what had gotten in my mouth.
I felt utterly dizzy and disoriented but started following the path I had carved out. I held out my left hand so it hit the trees, and I could feel my mark guiding me back to the tent. I ran as fast as I could in the darkness. My left arm hurt from being in that position, but I didn't have time.
I couldn't tell how long I was running, but a while had passed. The path stopped and opened into a clearing. Rain continued pouring.
"Mik!" I yelled out. I knew it was probably awake, and that it could respond. It was a risk, since I didn't know what was out there.
I heard Mik calling out to me, muffled from being inside.
I yelled Mik again. When it responded a second time, it wasn't muffled. Mik had poked its head outside.
I slowly made my way towards the tent, careful not to accidentally impale myself on the defenses while I was outside. When I heard Mik being right next to me, I hurried, until my cloak snagged on a spike. I slowly moved back.
I whispered Mik again, and this time it grabbed me by an arm and helped me get inside.
We both fell in. I was panting and barely conscious.
Mik said something in its language and made a whooshing noise.
What?
It poked me and made the noise again.
Fire?
Does it want to start the fire?
I held out the handle of the hatchet and Mik grabbed it. I heard it moving towards the center of the tent and crouching over. It hit the hatchet with the rock, but no sparks came out.
Damn it, the hatchet must be drenched.
I went over to it, bumping into Mik's head. We both groaned before I took the hatchet and wiped it as best I could with the inside of my cloak. I put it back in the center.
Mik hit it again, and this time it sparked properly. After a few more attempts the fire started.
We both backed off and let it burn.
Then, I noticed that there was some water getting inside from the entrance of the tent.
I took one of the blankets from off to the side and put it there. It stopped more water from flowing in.
I turned around and saw Mik trying to get up with one knee. I offered it my hand, but it refused. It took a few attempts, but it managed to get up on its own, its right arm pushing its knee to get up. I congratulated it, but it didn't understand what I said.
It went over to the bowl and put the wings to cook next to the fire, sitting back down.
I took the hatchet, Mik noticing but not stopping me, and opened one of the other fruits. It was the last one before the one that was contaminated by me.
I placed it next to Mik, and it got to eating while we waited for the food to cook.
Everything had been so hectic. I sat down and just stared into the fire, reminiscing about the dream.
That wasn't me.
It was some kind of sadistic thought my brain had managed to make, just like all the other nightmares. Mik descaling me while I was paralyzed was a horrific nightmare, and I knew Mik would never do that. It proved that, when it refused to eat me while I brumated, even after I told it to.
It felt so damn real, though. I felt like I was actually drowning. I tasted the water spring and the terrified swimmers in the air.
Why do nightmares have to be so vivid…
Mik tapped me on the shoulder, snapping me out of my trance.
It had taken its notebook and written "Go?".
I took a moment to register what it wanted but figured out it was asking me where I was.
It let me take its journal out of its hands, and I wrote "Lake.". I then remembered it probably didn't know what that meant in Varanth script and added "Big water.".
Mik took the journal, read it, smiled, and tapped my shoulder once.
Ok?
The shoulder tapping was weird, but I guess it was positive.
We both ate a few spans ago. I took three wings, and Mik ate one. I tried to offer it more wings, but it refused, sliding the bowl to me. I guess it's calculating how much it ate versus how much I ate. Or it's just being nice to its own detriment again.
I still can't comprehend everything in the dream and afterwards. It all happened so quickly. I fell asleep like an idiot in the bush, and then I had to run back after that nightmare.
But I know one thing for certain.
I am not her.
If dream me is reading this, whatever corner of my brain she is located in:
I will beat you up again if I have to.