POV Cole
Pain.
Every fucking millimeter of my body is in indescribable pain. Pure confusion washes over me as I hear rustling and the sound of beeping but I can't register what it is. My eyelids feel as though I have boulders sitting on them, I can't open them even if I tried but I know I have to be somewhere with lights because I see red and not pure black. My throat has the sensation of a thousand shards of glass lodged where it doesn't belong. Every fucking cell in my body feels like it's in the fiery pits of hell. I'm stuck in my own body without the ability to move. I start to panic and hear the beeping accelerate just as my heart does.
I feel a hand touch mine and flinch, okay so I can move.
"Hey Cole, welcome back," an unfamiliar female voice says.
Welcome back? Where did I go? Well, actually better question is where the fuck am I? I can't even open my mouth and even if I could no words would be able to escape the needles that reside in my throat.
"Cole, if you can hear me and understand me can you give my hand a little squeeze?" The woman asks and with all my might I barely have the strength to just curl my fingertips, let alone squeeze.
"Okay good, good that's excellent," she says.
Wow, this girl has some pretty low standards if she thinks that was impressive. I'm starting to get scared and go into panic mode again. I am so frustrated that I can't move or speak or know what's going on. My mind feels clear but my body feels separate as if it's in a whole different universe. The beeping is going wild as I try to gain control but failing miserably.
"Cole, try to calm down, give yourself some time, I have Dr. Sole coming in any second to explain everything to you," the concern in her voice is evident.
Doctor? I'm in the hospital aren't I?
The boulders on my eyes feel like rocks now, the weight has lessened but I still can't seem to do such a simple task like opening them. The pain continues to radiate throughout my body, the worst being in my thigh. My head is pounding and the harder I think the sharper the pain.
A door creaking open has me abandoning my thoughts, "Hi Cole, I'm Dr Sole don't be alarmed you're in good hands I'm going to do a quick look over and I'll explain everything to you okay?"
I can't even answer. The helplessness is really starting to freak me out, my mind and body are completely separate beings. Am I paralyzed? God, please don't let me be paralyzed. I flinch every time I'm touched, so I can't be, right? Doctor language is spoken between this guy and that girl.
I try with all my fucking might to open my eyes and they give way in the slightest bit, through the sliver of a slit everything is blurry the only thing I can make out is the abstract of light. My left eyelid is lifted and the brightest fucking light shines in my eye causing physical pain. I involuntarily moan and I regret it, my eyelids squeeze so hard together in agony that a tear forms at the inner corner. My mouth and throat are drier than a mother fucker.
"Let's start with five milligrams of morphine," The man has to be an angel on earth.
"You got it," the girl says to him.
"Cole we're going to give you a little something for the pain, it may not take all of the pain away but we can make adjustments as needed to ensure you're as comfortable as possible." The doctor says evenly.
Please kick in fast I can't take this torment any longer. I hear a chair rolling towards me and feel the presence of either the doc or the girl. Fingertips type away at I think a laptop or something and then the doctor speaks.
"Okay, here we go," typing continues.
"I'll start with everything in order, right now you are in the ICU at Harbor View Hospital. Four nights ago at approximately three am you were involved in a single-vehicle motorcycle accident. I will start by saying the injuries you sustained were tremendous and I don't use that word lightly. Luckily, a fellow nurse found you, you coded, in other words lost a pulse, she performed CPR and brought you back. When you got to the hospital you had about 20% blood loss, because of this, you required blood transfusions. We took you into surgery for a broken femur that had punctured through your thigh, while in surgery you required Open Reduction and Internal Fixation for a broken collar bone, you have three fractured ribs, nineteen fragments of asphalt were removed from various parts of your body, you had some pretty severe road rash, some required stitches and some did not, lastly you had some cerebral edema which is swelling in your brain. Now, due to all other factors, you were put into a medically induced coma for fifty hours and weaned off. Right now you're experiencing some of the tail end of those effects and it'll eventually wear off in the coming hours and days. Your fine motor skills will return. In the meantime, I want you to rest as much as possible and be patient, Charlotte is an excellent nurse and she'll be by your side tonight with whatever you need. I will keep checking up on you every hour and when you're a little more alert we can go over all of this again and I would love to answer the many questions I know you have."
Numb.
Mentally and physically numb now. The Cole Carson I was four days, the one that was a motocross superstar, on top of the world, best physical shape of my life, achieving all of my wildest dreams, loving every second of life now only feels like it was all a figment of my imagination. The only real thing I feel in this moment is the hot tears streaming down my face.