Nicolas' mind was a jumbled mess of thoughts, and his feet ached from walking through the snow. Light shone through the gaps in the tree canopies as he wandered without direction.
As he shivered from the biting cold, he wondered what had possessed him to come out here in the first place. He knew it had something to do with how he had lost control of himself back there. That he had become someone else.
"Did you see how they all reacted? You really do have some charisma under all that gloom."
He turned to see his other self, that apparition, leaning against a tree with a satisfied smirk on his face.
"What are you talking about now?"
The apparition donned an expression of mock confusion.
"What? You don't remember what we did not fifteen minutes ago? How you mercilessly accused Oscar and the church of murdering that Priestess?"
As the apparition spoke, he witnessed fragments of the memory in his mind. Standing high, looking down at a crowd of people with scorn.
"That wasn't me, no. That was you! It had to be!" Nicolas said, pointing a finger at the apparition.
"Oh, and what makes you say that? I'm just part of your delusion. Your actions are your own doing."
Nicolas felt his teeth clench. It couldn't have been him. Had he been possessed by this creature?
"I can't speak with confidence like that." He whispered.
"Yes, you can, and you did. And now the whole monastery is after you."
Nicolas let out a whimper before he could stop himself. This wasn't what he wanted.
The figure stood up straight and turned directly towards him, an amused grin on its face.
"You had better return before you freeze to death. There's work to be done. The price for your mother's and now Addi's death must be paid in their blood."
"No, no. Go away." Nicolas said, shutting his eyes tight.
"Return and kill or waste away here." The voice whispered.
When Nicolas opened his eyes, it was gone, leaving him alone in the freezing cold forest.
He didn't want to go back. He wanted to stay here, away from people no matter what, but the cold would eventually force him back. The continuous snow had made the forest into a frozen prison. It was astounding he had survived so far in his state of mind.
Spurred by the fear of death, Nicolas turned around and began to make his way back to the monastery.
Moving was difficult. His legs felt heavy, and his mind was dim. He frequently caught his foot on hidden roots and stumbled into thorny bushes.
His frail body could not handle a long hike in the snow, and eventually his legs began to give. His chest was tight, and it hurt to breathe.
Perhaps it would not be so bad, taking a nap in the forest and passing away peacefully. If he did that, he wouldn't have to deal with any more crap from the monastery.
"There you are!"
The sudden voice roused Nicolas' consciousness just as it was fading away. He was still on his feet, leaning against a tree trunk. He looked over to where the voice had come from.
Standing in a small clearing was a tall, well-built man wearing a suit under a heavy coat. Nicolas recognised him as one of Oscar's hired security guards. He stood straight and poised, as if ready to draw his gun at a moment's notice.
"You'll be coming with me, young master Nicolas. Oscar wants to speak to you about your accusations earlier today."
"Accusations?" Nicolas mumbled.
No, that wasn't me. Those words died on his lips as fear and cold gripped him.
"You've tired yourself out, by the looks of it." The man said, relaxing his guard slightly. "Come, or you'll freeze to death out here."
Nicolas hesitated. Trying to flee would be useless as he could hardly stand, although going with the man meant confronting Oscar.
Isn't that what we want?
As Nicolas took a step forward, he heard a dull thump, and the man crumpled to the ground. Maria appeared from behind him, holding a large metal baton that now had blood trickling down its surface. Maria's eyes were dark pits of red and white.
"M-Maria? What are you doing?" Nicolas asked, voice shaking. "How did you get here?"
She had hit the man on the side of the head at full force. It was unlikely that he would get up again without medical attention.
Maria smiled. It was a smile that made Nicolas swallow, though there was no saliva in his mouth and it only served to hurt his already raw throat.
"Finally found ya, Nick. We're going to have a nice long chat, you and I," she said, her voice quiet but trembling as if threatening to erupt into a scream at any moment.
Nicolas froze on the spot. She intended to kill him. There was no doubt about that. She looked at him with pure bloodlust, and there was no sign of any humanity behind those green eyes. Worst of all, he had no strength to resist or escape.
"Wait, what do you mean? Why?" Nicolas could only blurt out confused questions as she approached. He fell on his bottom as she reached him.
Her eyes narrowed as she looked down at him.
"You're back to your old whiny self, are you?" She asked. "Care to explain where you got all that confidence back there from?"
"That was the other me. I didn't..."
Nicolas cut himself off as he realised how absurd he sounded. Maria's disbelief was clear on her smiling face.
"The other you? Man, you've really gotten looney, haven't you? Well, guess that makes both of us."
She slammed the large baton, which was more like a club, into the snow beside him, causing Nicolas to flinch.
"Tell me, what do you know about Addi's killers? You said it was Oscar, but he wouldn't have gotten his own hands dirty. There's gotta be more. I bet you were involved too, right? I mean, how else would you know?"
Addi's killers? What was she talking about? Addi wasn't dead, was she? He had vague memories of being angry and talking to the crowd but had little else to go on. Was that the reason he had lost control of himself?
He could barely talk. His lips trembled as he tried to form a coherent sentence
"W-what do you mean, Addi's k-killers? Is she dead?" He asked.
"So, you're gonna play dumb? Guess it was a waste of time talking to ye. Maybe a little pain will wake you up."
She dropped the baton and grabbed one of his hands, holding one of his fingers at a painful angle.
"Please, Maira, tell me what happened," Nicolas begged.
"What happened? Addi was killed, is what fucking happened!" Maria screamed as she pulled his finger backwards, causing it to snap.
Nicolas barely felt any pain. His hands were completely numb after all, but more than that, the news had caused his mind to go blank.
"Addi is dead?" He asked quietly.
Maria had broken down into dry sobs after breaking his finger. She knelt in the snow, cursing and lashing out at the ground with her baton.
Nicolas sat there as his mind attempted to process the information. Addi, one of the most important people in his life, was gone? He had just spoken to her the day before.
"Addi," he muttered.
His vision grew dark as memories of the time he'd spent with her came flooding into his mind. No, the pain was too much. He wanted to escape, to leave this place forever. The panic attack that came caused his vision to swim and go dark. He was going to faint again.
Can't have us going mad yet. Here, let me give you a little rest. After that, you can talk to Maria.
The voice of the apparition whispered in his ear. It was giving him a chance to escape from the pain so he took it.
Maria grabbed him by his jacket and pulled him up. She shook him a couple of times and shouted at him, but to no avail. Nicolas' consciousness slowly faded.
*
A distant memory, or perhaps a delusion. Nicolas was sitting on a rock at the edge of a lake in the forest, jotting words down in a notebook. Nearby, his friends were diving into the water, screaming and being a general nuisance. Dean, the leader of the pack, pushed a terrified-looking Matin into the water, and the young, spindly looking boy fell into the water with a scream.
Nicolas glared at them from afar. They were being too noisy, and it was distracting. There was no way he could finish his work at this rate. The most important people in the empire had come to meet with the Priestess, and that meant important first hand information needed to be recorded. Unfortunately, there were people who seemed hell-bent on preventing this.
"Nicolas, stop looking at them like that. They're just having fun!" came a high-pitched voice from behind him.
Addi was two years younger than him, making her the youngest member of their group. She'd been brought to the orphanage not long ago by none other than Dean himself. She was apparently a street urchin who had run into some trouble with the nobility and needed to 'disappear'.
"Mind your own business." Nicolas replied, turning his face away.
Addi's appearance made him uncomfortable. Those red eyes didn't look human in the slightest, and her skin and hair were just too white.
"Why do these rich kids insist on hanging out with us, anyway?" He complained. "Surely they have better things to be doing, like extorting money from the peasantry."
Addi tilted her head in confusion. She was still probably a bit too young to understand what he was talking about.
"Dean doesn't steal. He helps people!"
Nicolas sighed as he did his best to ignore her. Whatever had happened at the capital had left the girl clinging hopelessly to Dean. Wherever he went, she followed.
Addi made a sound that might have been a growl.
"Hey, don't ignore me when I'm talking to you, Nicolas! Stupid!" She shouted, tears forming at the edges of her eyes.
Trying to ignore her until she lost interest and left was not going to work. Reluctantly, he closed his notebook and turned to face her.
"Sorry for glaring at them." He apologized, doing his best to fake sincerity.
There, with that, she should be satisfied. She would go back to playing with Dean and the others, and he would be left in peace once again.
Addi, who was clearly not satisfied, continued to scowl at him. There was clearly more she wanted to say.
"What is it?" He asked.
"Why aren't you playing with everyone? Maria came back from that d-don-jin and everyone wants to play. Why aren't you playing, huh?"
"Donjin? Do you mean dungeon?" He asked.
Addi nodded while looking a little embarrassed.
Nicolas looked over at Maria. She was busy sticking small flowers in Rosetta's hair. She was a little older than everyone else and acted like an older sibling, especially to Addi and Rosetta. Nicolas didn't really have anything to talk to her about. In fact, he was a bit cautious around her. There was something not quite right about the girl. Not to mention she had been locked away in the monastery's dungeon for a reason he was not privy to. She wasn't someone a respectful person would waste time on.
"I'm fine just reading here. You go play with Dean," he said.
"No, I want to swim with you too." She said.
"I don't want to swim."
"Why?"
"Because I don't!" he shouted, causing Addi to flinch. The tears finally overflowed and began falling down her cheeks. Nicolas felt a pang of guilt.
"Sorry, I just wouldn't be much fun to play with." He added quietly.
"Is it because of your mummy?" Addi asked quietly.
Nicolas inhaled sharply and shot a glare at the young girl.
"Who told you about her?" Nicolas asked.
"D-Dean," Addi replied hesitantly.
Sensing that she had said the wrong thing, Addi avoided his glare by looking down at the ground. Nicolas turned his glare to Dean, who was now busy swimming in the lake with Matin and another girl.
"I'm sorry." Addi said quietly.
Nicolas turned back to her and shook his head.
"I'm not angry at you," he replied.
It had been about two years since his mother had died of an illness. She had been his only family. Despite the passing of time, the wound in his heart was still fresh.
"You're lonely and have no family, right? Just like Rosetta, Maria and me."
Nicolas shook his head. They weren't the same. They had no memories of their parents as far as he was aware. They didn't know what it was like to watch their own mother waste away while being powerless to stop it.
Nicolas looked away and out onto the lake. He didn't want Addi to see the tears forming in his eyes. A moment later, there was a sudden sound of running footsteps. He felt something slam into his back, and before he knew it, he was underwater.
Luckily, the water level was only waist high, and he soon righted himself and stood up. He had unfortunately swallowed water, however. After coughing and spluttering for a few moments, he realised Addi had joined him in his little tumble. She was busy rubbing her eyes.
"What did you do that for?" he asked, almost shouting. Addi giggled.
"Dean told me that when people are sad, you should do something to surprise them!" She replied proudly.
"Word of advice, don't listen to that guy. He's insane." He muttered.
"Why? You're not crying anymore, are you?"
Nicolas paused for a moment. His heart was racing, and he felt wide awake and energetic. His mind was still recovering from the shock of the cold water and had no time to dwell on the past. Must be the adrenaline. Addi was right, but he wasn't going to admit that to her.
Attracted by the sudden commotion, the rest of the group approached them.
"You actually got him in the water? I'd expect nothing less from my apprentice!" Dean shouted.
Addi beamed at the praise, raising her chin and smiling smugly.
An enormous splash interrupted her joyful moment as Maria decided to join in as well. Addi was lost in the ensuing waves for a couple of moments.
"Ah, that feels good. Can't remember the last time I took a good dip." She said.
"Maria, you should be more careful. You could have jumped right on top of Addi," Matin chided.
"Oh, my bad, you ok Addi?"
"...Awwight." Addi garbled as she rubbed the water from her eyes.
"Isn't the water cold?" Rosetta asked as she lifted her feet from the water to avoid the small waves.
She was sitting on the stone rock Nicolas had been sitting on before. His notebook was lying half open on the ground nearby. He was thankful it hadn't followed him into the water.
"Addi, you shouldn't have jumped into the water while wearing that dress. I just got it for you!"
Picking up the book he had dropped and dusting it off, a girl stood just behind Rosetta, giving Addi an admonishing look.
Everyone turned to face her, and that's where his dream ended.
*
Nicolas awoke to the sight a familiar roof. He had somehow been brought back to his own room. Disorientated, he got to his feet but didn't get far and ended up slumping into his office chair.
"Welcome back, Nick."
Nicolas jumped when Maria spoke. He looked over towards his desk and found her sitting on his office chair with her legs crossed, staring at him expectantly.
"What are..."
Slowly his memories returned. He had been about to die of the cold when that man had confronted him. Maria had knocked the man out and then threatened to kill him. She told him Addi was dead.
Addi was dead. He still couldn't believe it. He covered his face with his hands and let out a long breath.
"Welcome back to the land of the living." Maria said.
Nicolas was caught between the fear of his own death and the shock of hearing about Addi's. In the end, fear won out, and he jumped from his chair, backing away from Maria and towards the door.
"Relax, I'm not going to kill you, Nick, not straight away."
Nicolas didn't relax, but he stopped inching towards the door. The hostility and rage from earlier was certainly gone, and she didn't seem to have that baton on her. Even so, it was better to be safe than sorry.
"What happened?" He asked. "How did I get here?"
Maria laughed.
"Oh that? Don't worry about it too much. You passed out, either from the cold or fear."
So he had been unconscious. He felt surprised that he was alive.
"Why didn't you kill me?" he asked tiredly.
"Well, I wasn't gonna kill you in the first place, I think. I was pretty pissed off back there, ya know. Coulda killed anyone, but I've had some time to cool my head. Now I just want answers."
Nicolas sat up, ignoring a slight bout of dizziness.
"What do you want to know?" He asked quietly.
"During that crazy speech you gave, you said that three people were going to die soon. I have a good idea of who you meant, but I want to know how you plan on doing it."
Nicolas' breath caught in his throat. He wanted to say that wasn't him, that it was his other self. There was no way she would believe something like that, though. He also remembered how the Goddess had visited him when he had run into the forest two days ago. She had named him her chosen one and given him the information about the future. He couldn't disappoint her.
"I don't know yet, but they're responsible for Addi's death, they can't be permitted to live."
He echoed the words of his other self, finding that he agreed with him and watched for Maria's reaction.
She continued to stare at him blankly, giving nothing away. Feeling the pressure, he continued speaking.
"There's no way Methaeus didn't know where she was. He's in charge of the construction of the effigy. Not to mention, Oscar is the only person to have something to gain from all this."
As he spoke, he felt a growing anger towards the two men. Why did Addi have to die when they got to keep on living? It wasn't right.
"I see. So you think it was Methaues and Oscar who did it then? You really had no part in it yourself?"
Maria's voice was like a knife edge that cut through him. She stood up and slowly made her way over to him. Eyes unblinking, she leaned towards him, causing him to distance himself. He couldn't breathe.
After what felt like hours, she pulled away with an "I see."
She walked over to his bed and plopped herself down.
"I've decided I'm going to help you with this hit list of yours."
"What?" he asked.
"What do ya mean, what? We're going to burn this place to the ground and make sure they suffer. You and me, together."
Maria smiled at him then. It was beyond unsettling to witness, and Nicolas looked away.
"You're getting cold feet?" Maria asked. "After all your bravado at the festival, you're just going to cower away like usual?"
"Well, why don't you just do it yourself? You know I'm not cut out for that kind of thing." He said.
Taking down Oscar and the rest? There was no way he could do something like that.
"Yeah, figured that'd be your reaction." Maria said, standing up. "Come on, I got something to show you. Now's a good time, I reckon."
She got up, walked over to him and grabbed his hand before dragging him towards the door.
"Hey what do you mean? Don't just drag me away like that, hey!"
Maria turned towards him, impatience in her eyes.
"Look, you showed some potential back there at the festival. You're destined for great things, Nick and I'm gonna prove it. Your life can have meaning, and I'll show you exactly how."
"What?"
"There's more going on here. I think taking them down will be easier for you than you think. Just shut up and come on."
She pulled on his hand harder, and he had no other choice but to follow along. In actuality, he had forgotten about resisting entirely. She said his life could have meaning. What did she mean by that?
With curiosity getting the better of him, he reluctantly followed her out of his room.