The melancholic sound of an alarm eroded by age, and the inability to breathe for several minutes until a pill of dubious origins disintegrated in stomach acid. That was my morning routine.
A splash of cold water, and the image of a sleepless face, fuzzy and out of focus in a cracked bathroom mirror. The sunlight that filtered in through the small window reeked of daytime, the dust and commotion of noon flooding my ears as I brushed my teeth.
I had overslept. But the bustle of midday was calmer, more relaxed than the storm of movement I could expect on a workday morning.
A calendar by the bed confirmed my suspicion, the dates blurred and unimportant save for the crossed out 13th, a friday, leaving today to be a saturday.
Like the lazy cat that roosted on the roof outside of my window, I felt the compulsion to sleep the day away. But one could not sleep on an empty stomach.
Placing my glasses on my face, I opened the window to lean out and stroke the soft feathers of Cheep, the black cat who often made a similar sound when demanding its daily fish tax from me.
"Good Morning, cheep cheepster."
Cheep simply swatted my hand, stretching his wings before sauntering a few steps away to roll up under a new patch of sunlight. I didn't mind it, crossing my arms as I let the fresh stench of fish imprint into my nostrils, the soft sea breeze soothing my headache for a moment.
After a few minutes, the pleasant scents of lunch preparations wafted my way from beyond the clusters of apartment buildings, and the smoke of those kitchens is what I followed through the grimy streets.
As per usual on a rare sunny day, crowds of men and women alike were milling about, any able bodied persons rushing to the wharf to get a piece of the newest bounty that had washed up following a particularly heavy storm the night before.
"Cap'n said it's a B grade kraken..! The things are bigger than a boat so hurry it up!! We need every hand we can get!!" The fisherman called out as they gathered crowds on the way down.
"Come on, we have to beat em to it..! Get even a stray tooth from that thing and we're set for weeks!" A younger man yelled to his drinking buddies as they quickly abandoned their seats at the tea house.
"Haha..! Yeah right, as if you won't spend it all over at Hongno again!"
"Won't even last a night!" Another friend slapped him on the back, and they quickly disappeared into the crowd that left the street empty of the ambitious men hoping to make a quick fortune—much to the dismay of the street vendors who were left with less gullible customers to prey on.
Of course, that didn't deter them from yelling their sales pitches at any passerby.
"Freshest squid in the banks! Even fresher fried and filled with cheese!" One of the many street vendors called out as I passed by, and with the quick exchange of a bronze coin, I was biting into a crispy and cheese filled delicacy that burned my tongue with just the right amount of spice.
"I doused it in chili like you like it, so where's my tip eh Hajoon?" Old man Ly raised a scarred eyebrow, the mirth in his eyes sign enough that he didn't expect extra payment from a dirt poor man who masqueraded as respectable.
"You won't need tips with how much of your sales is just me, old man." I smiled and gave half a salute as I turned to go.
"Heading to the book shop?"
"Yeah, poor bastards have work to do on break days!"
"Ahaha..! Good on ya! Not that you do anything but sleep over there!" Ly laughed, a booming sound that faded as I walked on.
"Hey..! I can work in my sleep no problem..!" I called back as I maneuvered my way through the narrow roads and the midday crowds, avoiding the alleys that the dogs roamed in search of scraps as I was unwilling to become scrap meat today.
The ring of a bell, and the scent of coffee and old books; how I got to the small bookshop/ cafe/printing house was a mystery, but the smile that greeted me wasn't.
"Good morning June!" The freckled woman smiled, resting a stack of books she'd been moving on the front counter. The wrinkles around Mrs. Anong's eyes were easily overshadowed by her smile lines, a common sight as she never stopped smiling.
"It's not morning, boss." I smiled back as I took the books from her hands.
"It is for you, hm? Ah, did you eat dear?" She dusted her hands on her apron and wandered off to the kitchen in the back. "I've got leftover jok…hm and some omelets! Do you like rice porridge?"
"Ah, I ate on the way..! Just, tell me where to put these at least!" I called back, my arms trembling slightly from the hefty stack of books I was left carrying.
Her muffled response was interrupted by the ring of the bell, a familiar teen sauntering inside. I didn't think much of it until Chae Minho cleared his throat, his hands leaving his pockets for once to extend an envelope to me.
"Here, teach. It's the money for the past three months."
"Hah..? I told you you don't have to worry about that until after your college entrance exam." I didn't move to take the tutoring money he held out, my eyebrows furrowing.
The glimpse of a tattooed snake curled around his wrist, it was visible for only a moment, but it hit like a slap in the face.
"Well, I won't be taking it." Minho snapped, slapping the envelope on top of the books I held, then storming out.
"What..? What in the moons do you mean huh..?! Come back here and explain–" I started after him, but flinched back as the door slammed shut in front of my face.
"...Hah? This…feels like deja vu…" I muttered under my breath as I struggled with the books in my hands, trying to get a better look at the envelope.
"June..? Is everything alright out there?"
I squinted my eyes at the blurry, wispy words that donned the yellowed paper, Mrs. Anong's words becoming a dull murmur in the background as my vision zeroed in on the unclear words; forcing my eyes to focus through the thudding pain it unleashed into my skull.
[ The fool sleeps ]
The words solidified for a split second before I looked up to the face of a young girl, her dark eyes impatient. I was disoriented, finding myself seated in front of the lone computer that the book store housed and provided printing services through.
The books and the envelope were gone.
"Hey, teach, don't ignore me..! Mom said to get this poster printed…she also said to get an extra lesson from you too, because my last test was uh…it wasn't that bad..! She's exaggerating!" Chae Minji huffed, her frizzy hair puffing up like an angry crow's feathers. She plopped down onto a colourfully painted stool and began to rock it back and forth as she waited for me to say something.
"...Are you mad at me, Jun oppa? I tried, okay? I did my best so don't be mad too…mom is so mean…"
"Ah? Oh, no! I'm not mad at you—uh…why the school uniform..? It's saturday…?" I felt my eyebrows furrow as I glanced at her black and white uniform, and the school bag she'd tossed on the ground next to her.
"Huh? Did you catch the crazy from the richies? It's Tuesday, I just got back from supplementary classes…see, it's dark out." She pointed outside, where the nearest street light was casting a low glow outside the dark window.
"...Oh, I see. So I just got here myself…" I murmured as I looked down at the prim and proper office clothes I hadn't changed out of. I took a breath, scratching at my wrist absentmindedly.
"Your brother…can you tell him to come here tomorrow? We have something to talk about."
"Huh? Wait—Minho oppa? Um…I don't know…mom doesn't like me talking about him anymore." Minji winced, staring down at her shoes.
Ah. I always wondered where he got the money from. I should have looked into it a bit more…if I had just…
"...Have you at least seen him?"
"Um…he doesn't really come home anymore. Mom told him to…get the hell out of her house when he…quit his exams last year…I…heard it. What if she tells me to get out too…? I'm not even as smart as my brother…" Her voice wavered, and I reached out to ruffle her hair.
"Hey…you know that's not true. You're the smartest..!" I messed up her hair until she squeaked in protest, her eyes squeezing shut as she began to laugh.
"You are my best student..!" I said in Aenglic, getting a groan from her as she swatted my hand away.
"Don't lie..!"
It was a lie. This memory itself was a lie, because I hadn't comforted her during that time. I had been too busy wallowing in my own misery to do anything.
It felt like a sick joke that my brain was feeding me the what if's I'd tortured myself with.
What if I'd been a better teacher? What if I'd helped them more? What if I was there for them?
What if. What if. What if.
I could only think, but never did anything at all.
"Our June might be a liar but I certainly am not! And I say you are the smartest young lady…with the biggest appetite..! Now eat!" Mrs. Anong slid a platter of steaming food onto a nearby table and tapped at the rustic wood, the signal for us to take our seats and eat.
"Yes Auntie..!" She took her seat in an instant, not waiting for me to follow suit even though it was my dinner that she was gobbling down. It was a familiar sight, one that I had not seen in nearly a year.
It was strange, reliving memories of people I had distanced myself from.
How was Minji doing now? Was high school hard for her? It must have been hard after what happened…I wish I could have helped…but I didn't.
But it was for the best right? I would only drag them into my own problems if I tried to do anything…
Ah it's too late anyway. I can't help anyone when I'm like this.
I tried to help Minho but…I must have made him feel like I was patronizing him.
No one wants handouts. Mum was adamant about that for our family, why would it be different for any other family?
Was I just being self righteous..? Ah, hah…that must be it. I only made things worse. It would have been better if they never met me at all—
It felt as if my mind was rubbing salt into a wound, so I stopped thinking.
"Thank you for the food as always, boss…it's delicious!" I took a bite of the rice and curry and smiled at Mrs. Anong, who returned it, humming as she returned to the kitchen; most likely to start on the delivery orders she would ask me to deliver when my night shift began.
"Wah..! So good! It's not fair Aunty Anong makes you dinner every day..! I'm going to keep stealing it since a growing gal like me needs it more than some old fart!" Minji grinned, emboldened by the mock offense on my face at the use of the disrespectful bits of Aenglic she'd picked up.
"Hey..! I like to think I'm quite afresh fart–"
"Pft—haha! No Aenglic please teacher..! My last Aenglic test traumatized me enough without your dumb jokes!" Her nose scrunched up as she laughed, but the carefree sound was interrupted by the door to the shop slamming open, the bell above it giving a shrill cry in protest.
I jolted to my feet, stepping in front of Minji and forcing a smile to greet the unwelcome guests.
"Good evening, sirs." I said as I waved her off to the kitchen and away from the thugs that filled the small shop. One of the men—with slicked back hair and a snake-like smile—pretended to peruse the books that lined the walls before stepping up to smirk up at me, the tattoo of a snake curling around his neck showing proudly who he was.
A low ranked member of the Jeoksa, who thought himself better than a common thug.
A third rate villain wasn't better, in my opinion.
"Where's the hag eh? Won't even offer us tea. Tsk tsk…such bad service…she really should sell the place to us, we'll make use of the place!" The goon chuckled, reached over to mess with my tie as if showing a kind gesture by 'fixing' it.
"She should know refusing us doesn't end well…just look at the Chae's! It's really sad to see that old laundromat resorting to 50% off sales…" He shook his head sadly as he glanced over at the printed posters that rested by the computer.
"Mrs. Anong doesn't owe you anything." I gritted through my smile.
"Hm, no? But you do." He grinned as his hand gripped around my tie and yanked me down. My hands fisted at my sides as I kept my smile, trying not to flinch away from those cruel eyes.
"I already paid my price…and I still pay the ridiculous interest rates without complaint. The contract was that the debt is my problem and mine alone, you bother no one else, not my family, not my friends, not my neighbors. Or did the Jeoksa lose all honour–"
My words were interrupted by a slap to the face, my ears ringing as I blinked rapidly and tried to recover.
"Don't talk shit, Park Hajoon. That smile is pissing me off." He jeered as the men around him cackled like a flock of seagulls.
"I…then get to the point. What do you want, Viper?" I gritted out, wiping at the blood that dripped from my nose from the force of the blow.
"Viper..? Huh. Ya know, I miss when you used to follow me around going Hyung this Hyung that; like a good little dog." Viper pouted, and I felt the urge to rip those lips off.
"Get. To. The. Point."
"Woof..! The dog's got bark!" He laughed, then when quiet for a moment, "Ya know what June? This nice tie…it doesn't suit you." He hummed as he pulled harder on my tie, the noose tightening around my neck. " It doesn't suit a monster."
"...What?" I hissed, my jaw clenching against my darkening vision, the splotches of white appearing at the corners of my sight seeming to spread like fog that overwrote my rationality.
"Monsters kill, they don't work cushy jobs, they don't get nice things, yeah? Don't you agree?"
"I'm not a monster." I growled, my hands going to clench around his wrist, trying to pull it away from me, to loosen the noose, to lighten the truth of his words.
"Oh? Hm! My mistake then…but whose blood is this then?" Viper's eyes seemed to thin into a mockery of my words, flicking down to the blood that dripped from where I grasped him. When I flinched away, a bloody handprint was left on his wrist, a handprint from my hands, which were painted a stark crimson.
"W-what..? This…this can't be real…" My hands trembled as I stared at my bloodied palms, the world around me seeming to fluctuate and spin into a fog of shapes and colours I couldn't make out.
[ The fool weeps, for this is not the reality he seeks. ]
The words appeared in front of my face, mocking the distress, the pain, and the guilt that drowned me in a sea of scattered thoughts and phantom voices.
"Monster."
"Fraud."
"Burden."
"Roach."
"Murderer."
The voices whispered their accusations, familiar voices echoing within the confines of my mind until I slumped to my knees, the blood on my hands seeping onto the floor. The red seemed to move and shift, melding with the darkness to create a mass that loomed over my crumbling form. Small strands of gold danced through the red as if trying to frame pain as art, and it only angered me.
I looked up, meeting the red eyes of a beast, an elegant beast of pure white, fur disturbed only by black stripes and the red and gold that streamed from several wounds like waterfalls–the spears embedded into its pure hide defiling it.
The tiger with a fox's snout, despite its wounds, stared at me in pity.
[ Sleep now, fool. Accept your fate, for you know it is a fate befitting of a killer. ]
"No…I didn't kill." I managed to croak out, every breath feeling as though I was drowning, my lungs filling with water as I glared at that beast.
[ Yes, you have. That blood is real, even if this place is not. ]
"I'm not a monster."
[ Is it only monsters who kill? You are tired, are you not? Now…rest.]
[ Allow me control. ]
"NO..!!" I snarled back as the beast's jaws opened, moving to snap shut around me. Before I could be engulfed in pitch darkness and the peace it would provide, my hands grasped the beast's canines, fighting to keep them from closing around my head as my hands became raw and bloodied. A scream ripped through me as teeth sunk into my shoulders, but my grip only tightened, holding the beast at bay; only a breadth away from being consumed.
[ It hurts. It hurts. ]
The beast cried, the blood of its wounds spilling down to mix with my own, the torn skin of my palms mending itself only to be cut, again and again.
"It hurts…haa…hurts…"
[ The fool, he waits. To be saved, he waits. ]
"You are the fool…not me. No one will save me, not ever." I smiled as my vision began to fade, but my grip never diminished, I would not let it eat me, not now, not until my debts were paid, not until my life was my own to lose.
[ No. Lies. Lies. Someone will save the fool. ]
"No, no they won't. " I chuckled, taking a shuddering breath before my lungs filled with immeasurable pressure, and I drowned.
***
As the knife hurtled towards Ando's neck, the hand that held it stuttered for a moment, as if fighting against an invisible force that kept it at bay. With a sharp inhale and a jerk of that hand, the blade slammed against the floor, the poor quality steel snapping in half to scatter and nick Ando's cheek and the hand that loosened then let go of his throat.
"Haaa..hahh…ghk…!" Hajoon gasped for breath, the hand that had just choked his coworker going to grasp at his chest, a phantom pain rippling through every cell of his being. He felt himself be pushed off, curling into a ball on the cold floor. He only managed to stagger onto his feet moments later by grasping onto a seat for dear life.
Is this…is it real..?
He stared at his bloodied hand and shuddered, knowing intuitively that it was not his own blood that painted his hand.
It's real…
What did I do..?
His shaking eyes looked up at Ando from his hunched stance, feeling a dull thud of self disgust and guilt at the fear he saw in those dark eyes and the view of the bruise that bloomed around his neck.
I attacked an innocent person…this time…
Haha…I don't remember…why? Why did I hurt Ando..?
[ A Guide's Contract
Condition: Kill participant | Ando Natsuki |
Reward: The skill Iron Grip ]
Those were the words that appeared in front of his face to answer that question, but he didn't feel inclined to believe what he saw. He couldn't believe his eyes, because they lied, they had shown him lies, fabricated memories.
How do I even know this is real..? It could be another dream.
He raised the hand that clutched the hilt of a switchblade, the blade now halved and fractured. Then he forced his hand to let go, watching as the knife clattered against the bloody floor.
Please. Be a dream.
"What..?! That's boring..! Why didn't you kill him for me??" An unfamiliar voice made Hajoon snap his head in its direction, his eyes squinting behind his glasses to make sense of the white haired man who scowled at him.
"F..for you..? Who..?" He stammered out, his eyes darting around to the faces in the blurry darkness before he removed his glasses. Before he had the time to process the blur of movement, a pale hand grabbed his face as he struggled to even stay upright, the long black nails digging into his skin.
"I'm a dokkaebi..! How many times do I have to repeat myself??" The white haired man snapped, sharp teeth bared into a scowl.
"Ghk…? Aren't they small goblin creatures…? You just look like you have albinism…" Hajoon muttered, his eyebrows threaded together in confusion. He didn't understand what this man claimed to be, because it was common knowledge that the supernatural wasn't real.
But then again, nothing made sense anymore. It was delusional to expect it to.
"Small…goblin? Is that a new insult? Because I'll kill you for that–" His threat halted as his head twisted to look back at the open exit and the people who half ran, half stumbled out the door and into the frigid freedom that awaited them. Hajoon saw familiar faces leave him behind, Viencliff, Han, the stumbling man he helped, and the unnamed others that followed. Ando and Lee Hyejin were the last to leave, glancing back with uncertainty before fear and survival instinct drove them to leave this metal death trap.
"Hah..! Now look what you did..!! Do you even understand how hard it was to get this promotion..?? Now you've gone and lost me my first group of ants…How am I supposed to be a good guide like this?!" The so-called dokkaebi yelled out in frustration, pushing Hajoon into a seat and forcing him to sit as he tried to grasp at the monster's wrist.
"You. Sit." He hissed out, bashing Hajoon's head into the headrest before taking his leave to follow after the escapees. "Stay." He paused and pointed at Hajoon, the look of pure frustration on his face making Hajoon laugh despite the pain.
"Haha…they left me behind. Good for them…it's rational…" He leaned back in the seat, glancing at the corpse that was his seat partner to his left. Upon seeing familiar lifeless blue eyes, Hajoon laughed and covered his face with his arm.
I wish it was all a dream. Why can't I wake up from this?
His shoulders shook slightly as he tried to breath, but the biting cold only caused a coughing fit.
"Hhg..ah..hahh…"
Get up. I can't rot here. I don't have the right to.