Part 22 – At the Edge of Regular
Deon and Jordy sat in silence for hours as the anime played.
No commentary.
No banter.
No wild predictions—just quiet.
Maybe because they were watching each other instead of the show, stealing glances whenever they thought the other wasn't looking.
Fuck, he thought. Did I step out of bounds? I didn't expect her to react like that.
"Not a 5." She'd said it like an accusation. Who was she to get upset about how he saw himself? Regular wasn't bad. Most people were average—that's why it was called average.
He looked at her again. Messy hair, loose sweats. Her outfit screamed that she didn't care how she looked in front of him—but there were contradictions. Her hair was still damp, so she'd just washed it. And that scent drifting off her... he recognized it. The perfume he'd bought her for her birthday a few years back.
Why did he even remember that?
Her jacket slipped off her shoulder a little. Normally he wouldn't think it was sexy, but right now his eyes wandered.
"That's fucking extraordinary, Deon!" kept replaying in his head.
What did she even mean by that? He wanted to ask. What do you even think of me?
She stood suddenly, drawing his attention.
"I'm gonna head out. I made it awkward, so—yeah."
He wanted to stop her, but all he said was, "Okay."
She looked disappointed for a second, then it faded.
"Okay. Bye."
"I'll walk you out."
"I know the way."
"Yeah, but still."
"Deon, please—I can't right now. I can't do this part of you."
"Jordy, I'm not the sharpest guy. You have to be direct. Say what you mean."
"Fuck, Deon. Read the room."
He didn't respond. She kept walking toward the door.
"Why aren't we together? I've never asked myself that," she said.
She's still thinking about that, he thought.
"Jordy, I didn't mean anything by it. I was just—"
"Just what, Deon? Putting yourself beneath me? Or are you saying you think I put you there?"
"I messed up the phrasing, I guess. But you know how I feel about you."
"No, I don't. You never say it."
"I didn't think I had to."
She froze with her hand on the doorknob, then turned to face him.
"You don't. Or didn't."
"What's happening?" he asked quietly.
"I don't know. I feel so young and stupid right now."
"Why?"
"Because after a decade I'm just now realizing that you're maybe the love of my life—but I was so set on maintaining the status quo that I didn't even see how deeply in love I was. Fuck! Ever since that girls' night, my head's been a mess."
Deon was dazed by her sudden outburst.
"Jordy—"
"Stop. I know your heart's elsewhere and that I can't have you, and it's crushing me right now... but I still want you to put me on that couch, slide off these sweats, and fuck me like a stranger."
"Okay, Jordy. I can do that. Just come back inside."
"No, Deon. Because if I come back, it won't be just sex. It'll be more than that."
"How so?"
"We'd be making love, Deon. I wouldn't be able to hold back—it'd be intimate. Not the usual thing we do just to get off."
"I've never done that," he said.
"I know," she replied softly. "Making love to someone you don't love is hard."
"Nah. I've never done the other thing. I've never slept with you just to get off."
She looked at him, confused.
"I may have had sex with you out of necessity," he said, "but I've never not made love to you. I don't know how to do anything else."
He paused. "Can I admit something?"
"...Sure," she said hesitantly.
"You were my first, Jordy. Hell, my only—until I met Amina."
Her heart dropped.
"What—huh?"
"I've had... experiences," he said carefully, "but the real deal? That was you."
"I took your virginity?" she stammered.
He took her hand and guided her back inside. "Yeah," he said softly. "Back in college. You were basically my first everything."
"Deon... this is trippy." She laughed nervously. "So you're telling me the best sex of my life was with a guy who had zero experience?"
"I was the best?"
"Why do you think I stuck around?"
"Low-hanging fruit." He shrugged.
She glared. "Don't start."
"My bad."
She was starting to get a clearer picture of why he saw himself the way he did.
"Was high school that rough for you?"
"Nah. I hardly even went. Hard to meet women from inside your room, you know? Plus, Sierra was all I wanted."
"But in college, I was the fallback?"
"Nah. I never intended for us to become us. We were cool—same interests, same classes. It was just a good fit. I don't remember exactly what happened that night. I got pretty lit and I guess you took care of me. I don't know how we ended up sleeping together. I just know we did."
"Oh, we definitely did. But if you don't remember, how do you know?"
"When I woke up, I was still inside. It was kinda obvious."
"How'd you feel?"
"Disappointed in myself. I always thought I was a one-woman guy. Sierra or bust."
"But?"
"You showed me a new possibility."
She looked down. "I think I'm gonna go after all."
"Really? Jordy, I'm—"
"It's not that, Deon. I'm not mad. I just... don't wanna become a mom right now."
He stood there, completely baffled.
"I'll text you," she said—and then she was gone.
"Don't wanna become a mom?" he muttered.
Then it hit him.
"Damn, Jordy. How am I supposed to react to that?"
His heart was in turmoil. Three women. All completely different at their core. But he loved them all. Differently—but it was still love.
"I'm not built for this, Jordy. But how can I talk to you now? About you. About them. How long have we been walking this line?" he said to himself.
He laughed bitterly.
I looked her right in the eyes and told her how in love I am with Amina and Sierra. With a smile, no less.
Then told her I've never not made love to her.
"Who the fuck even am I?" he muttered, rubbing his face. "Be better."