Part 13- Choices
The sound of the door closing behind him echoed in Deon's head like a canyon. How the hell did it turn out like this. He thought looking into the room at the girl and her perfect copy sitting across from her. It seemed so obvious now that they were sharing the same space. Amina tilted her head back in her chair and noticed him watching her. She gave a playful smile and nearly tipped over in the chair. Sierra stood in front of the counter arms folded in front of her chest, pouting. Still blushing from putting on a show outside.
"Sierra, do you want a chair, or, you just going to stand all mad?" He said attempting to put an arm around her shoulder.
"Don't touch me." She said giving a weak shrug. It wasn't enough to remove his hand, but he didn't anyway he got the point of the action. She pouted harder over the fact he was being considerate even now.
"Can I just ask? If you're going to date a look alike, why wouldn't you just choose me?" Sierra asked
"Besides the obvious?" Deon said. A slight smirk.
"Don't do that. Just...just answer me."
He took a moment to pretend he was really thinking about his answer before speaking.
"It's not like we're dating though. We just met a few days ago. It's vacation, we're having fun."
"She's got her bags and it looks like she's going to be staying here."
"Yeah. She missed her plane. I wouldn't let a girl sleep in the street." He said a tinge of annoyance in his voice.
Amina gave a coy smile.
"Seems like she skipped the flight." Sierra said resting her hands on her hips, side eyeing Amina.
"What's the difference?"
"That's she's in your room!"
"So are you. Just like you were the other night. Remember that?" Deon barked
The room went quiet. Not even the hustle and bustle of the outside world was audible.
"...This is and that was different."
"Elaborate."
"No."
"Then fuck it. Just go back to your room then."
"No."
"The explain."
"No."
"Get out."
"No!"
"Si!"
"Because I'm supposed to be special!" She shouted. "To you. I'm supposed to be special."
She collapsed down onto the floor tucking her face into her knees and started sobbing. Deon started to go over to comfort to say something, but Amina tugged at his shirt and shook her head. He froze in place.
"I think I get it." Amina said. "Isn't this all a bit selfish of you."
"What?" Sierra said through tears.
"I don't have all the details, but this all seems very one sided. I mean you're a married woman asking a single guy to put you first. Isn't that a bit strange."
"And you're a stranger sharing a room with a stranger."
"True, but we're both single. And as soon as you get over this tantrum and leave the room, I'm going to lock the door and share a lot more with him."
"How can you even be thinking about that in this situation?" Sierra said taken aback.
"I said it before. I came for him. I'm getting what I came for. None of this is going to kill my vibe."
"You're talking pretty big for a fling."
"It's not a fling for me." Amina and Deon said in unison. They turned to look at each other. He could see the truth in her eyes. This was for real.
"We'll make it work." She smiled.
"Deon? Are you serious?" Sierra asked.
"Yeah. I want to see where this goes."
"You barely know her."
"Doesn't feel that way."
"Oh then how's it feel?" Sierra snarked.
"It feels like you." He said: "But with less guilt. Les self loathing. It feels like-"
"Magic." Amina interjected.
"Yeah. Magic."
Sierra tucked loose hair behind her ear and took a deep breath attempting to compose herself. She opened her mouth to speak then closed it again before taking another deep breath, then another.
"Okay." She said finally. "I get it. Our past is weighted. Our present is messy, and the future is cloudy. But I'm here Deon. I'm standing right in front of you. Then, now, tomorrow. I'm standing here all I've ever wanted was for you to come halfway. But you won't even do that. So I take a step further then 2 then 10 and now I'm standing here. Right here. Take a step towards me for once." Sierra said tears streaming down her face.
She was never more beautiful than when she was hurting. Knowledge that is the shame of a man. He'd seen this sight far too many times to call it a rarity. Who was he to offer her comfort, when he more than anyone was the cause of much of her turmoil.
"Don't." Amina said. "Don't torture yourself for choices you both made."
"Nah. I'm not. Well trying not to. How can you hear all of this and just take it in stride." Deon asked
"Oh I'm not. I'm freaking out internally, but I feel like if I collapse, I'll take you with me and that scares me more. And feeling like I care more about you than I do myself scores me a fuck ton more than that. It's a lot."
"Want to have I seat?"
"What I want is to sit in your lap on the couch and make out to the sounds of whatever random show we're pretending to watch. While you try to unhook my bra for a better feel and try to slide my shorts off, so I lift up to let you know I'm on board."
He swallowed hard. She didn't drop his gaze. Sierra cleared her throat bringing the attention back to her.
"Sierra, I don't know what you want me to say. I love you? I'm in love with you? Things you've known since we were 10." He walked over and placed a hand on her cheek wiping away her tears. "I've wanted nothing more than to be the one to do this for you."
"But you can. You can-"
"But you married my closest friend." He said cutting her off.
She couldn't respond. Deon allowed the silence to hang in the air for a moment.
"You know u can't do that to a friend."
"D, you don't understand."
"Sierra. I've spent 20 years loving you. And I know I'll spend the rest of my life loving you. But I told you before. I don't eat off of another man's plate."
"I'm telling you Deon. The plate is yours. Eat as much as you want."
He felt a lump form in his throat.
"You're married."
"Whose fault is that?"
"Si."
"That night, I told you I wouldn't do it. I told you that if you took me out of that room, I'd follow and never look back. You left. Not me."
She smacked his hand away and stumbled to her feet rushing for the door.
"Si!"
She didn't turn around as she fling the door open and ran out.
"Sierra!" He called after her, but he didn't give chase. He didn't have the will to follow anymore, to keep up the never ending hunt. But had he ever. At every turn it had been him who didn't take the next step. Was she right about him?
"Fucking herbivore." He muttered to himself collapsing onto the couch.
Amina plopped down onto his lap.
"Still?" He asked.
"Still." She said pulling him into the exact kiss she said she'd take the moment Sierra was gone. "Oh wait." She said skipping over to the door and locking it. She twirled around with a smile. Now it's perfect.
He couldn't help but crack a smile. What did that say about him as a person. That he could engage in these kinds of activities after just having that kind of experience. Amina settled back into his lap. "Where were we?" She said initiating another kiss.
Fuck it. That's a future Deon problem.