I barely slept.
His scent was still on my skin, as if that hug had marked my whole body.
How is someone supposed to sleep after that?
Every movement reminded me of his chest pressed against mine, of his hands holding me tightly.
When morning finally came, I got up before the alarm.I showered as if a quick rinse could pull me out of the trance he'd left me in.
I got out, put on something pretty but comfortable without even thinking.Grabbed my backpack and walked out the door.
The landlord was there, watering the plants, and he gave me an especially gentle smile… the kind of kindness that felt like a silent thank-you for what I'd done for Rafael yesterday.He didn't know anything, but he felt it. Somehow, he always felt it.
— Good morning, Helena — he said, softer than usual.
— Good morning — I answered, happier than I should admit.
I looked around, searching for Rafael, but didn't see him.The landlord noticed.
— He left not long ago — he said simply. — If you hurry, you might find him.
A tightness hit my chest.Fear… fear that he'd woken up different, fear that he was already pulling away again.
— Right… I… thank you — I murmured, not sure what else to say.
I crossed the gate and walked a few meters when I saw him.
Rafael was leaning against the wall of a house, earbuds in, but his whole posture said he wasn't listening to anything.He was watching the street, watching… me.
When he saw me, the smile appeared — small, contained.But his eyes gave everything away.
My knees almost buckled.
I stopped for a second, just so I could breathe.
He pulled out one earbud, his gaze locked on me as if the world had shrunk to just this: me walking toward him.
I took a few steps — they felt longer than they actually were.
— You… you're here — was all I managed to say.
Rafael gave a shy smile.
— I thought… we could go to the university together.
My whole body trembled.
Before I could answer, he adjusted his backpack and asked:
— Did you sleep?
— Not much. — I didn't manage to lie or hide anything.
He nodded, like he knew… like it had been the same for him.
Then he took a step closer, brought his hand near mine… just brushed his fingers against me, waiting.
I intertwined my fingers with his, and he squeezed my hand.
We walked together down the street… the sun hitting the ground, the houses, the leaves…
— Helena… — he said softly, without looking at me — about yesterday…
I froze for an instant.
— Yesterday wasn't a mistake — he continued. — Or impulse. I just… needed you to know that.
A wave of relief washed over me.
— I know — I answered, also without looking. — I felt it.
We kept walking, hand in hand, until the corner of the university gate.Then suddenly, he let go of my hand.
It wasn't gentle — it was quick, almost abrupt.
The movement knocked the air out of me.
— Helena… — he said quietly, avoiding my eyes. — Do you really think it's a good idea to walk in like this?
I frowned.
— Like what?
He ran a hand through his hair.
— You know how people see me in here — he muttered. — And I don't want… I don't want that to spill onto you.
My chest tightened.It was fear… fear for me.
But before he could take another step back, I stepped forward and grabbed his hand again. Firmly. No permission asked.
He blinked, surprised, and finally looked at me.
— I don't care what they see — I said, squeezing his hand. — I care about what I see. And I see you clearly.
He looked away for a moment.
— Helena… — he murmured, voice low — it's not that simple.
I squeezed his hand again.
— It is for me.
He closed his eyes for a second. When he opened them, he seemed to be searching for the right words.
— I don't want… to hide you. That's not it.
— Then why? — I asked.
— Because in here, people don't see me the way you do… I don't want them to put that weight on you. I don't want them looking at you with the same judgment they use on me. At least… not now. Not before you're ready. Not before I'm ready.
The argument rising in my throat — hot and immediate — died the moment he added:
— Give me some time, Helena. Just a little. I promise I won't hide from you. Just… from the rest of the world for now.
The way he asked broke through all my resistance.
I sighed, defeated and completely surrendered at the same time.
— Okay… — I murmured. — Alright. If this matters to you… I'll do it.
His shoulders relaxed a little, and his expression softened, almost grateful.
— Thank you — he said quietly, as if it truly meant a lot.
I slowly released his hand.
The space between us felt wrong — small and huge at the same time.
He took a step forward, ready to walk in.I inhaled deeply and followed.
No touch, no gesture revealing what had happened that morning… or the night before.
We entered like that.
Two strangers on the outside…and two storms in secret on the inside.