(Orion Ligh)
I don't know what's wrong with Colton, his mood is different. I think I should go check on him.
"Colt? Are you okay?"
I put my arms around his back, which seems to calm him down, whatever it is he just experienced, it seems to calm him down.
"Yeah, I'm okay."
He ruffles my hair, which makes me feel like a little pet. Well, at least that gets him to put a smile on his face. Is it bad that I have a crush on him? I feel like sometimes when he stares at me, he is hiding something from me.
This is stupid, I know, maybe I should make a note and burn it on a candle so that I'll forget ever crushing on him. But, sometimes it feels more than just a crush on the guy. I get the sense that I should be there for him in every circumstance, whether big or small, I just want to be there with him, us together. Is it bad if I want to experience that with him?
I feel like I'm spiraling into uncertainty. Sometimes, I catch him staring at me, and it leaves me questioning whether I'm reading into the meaning too much. The last thing I want is for this to be something I feel deeply while he remains clueless. I can't bear the thought of reliving that kind of loneliness. I remember the heartache from that one time all too well, my emotions were a storm of disappointment, anger, and a yearning that felt as though it would consume me. I was just a teenager then, navigating the complexities of first love, and that feeling lingers in my memory like a shadow I can't quite shake off.
It was during an exam when my high school crush asked my friend about my bag. Our mutual friend, the constant informant, told him I didn't carry my bag that day. Turns out, he wasn't looking for my bag but for my other friend's bag. It also turned out he didn't know my name after nights of chatting about our favorite shows, recommending some to him, and even suggesting we play a game together. That motherfucker still didn't know my name, even though I knew everything about him, including all the houses of the different girls he's been with. My name was even called out during presentations, along with my full name.
Well, at least the last person he got with was my deskmate and favorite friend, so I hate my high school crush. No one ever tells us our first heartbreak will be on a straight guy who is a jerk, and no matter how well you warn your friends, they just don't seem to listen.
I just wish Colt were different, though I don't know what type of person he is yet. Look at me, a grown-up still having a crush, but can you blame me? He's just, I don't know. He doesn't make fun of me about all my weird interests, which are very diverse. I don't know how I even got to have so many fun activities I enjoy doing. They all just came to me one day at a time.
Sometimes, i notice when he thinks i'm not. I see the way he looks at me. Just the ither night i tricked him into helping me get the ungrdient on the top shelf which i could have easily retrieved. I put it there on purpose. I hope he didn't notice what I did right?
"Easy there, these strawberries aren't going anywhere, you can have all of them, little kitten."
My train of thought is interrupted by Colton. I've already stuffed my mouth full of strawberries, and even Betty and Frank are staring at me, grinning.
"Sho..oolly?"
" Ooh, aren't you the little stuffer?"
Betty comments. Shit, my weird obsession with strawberries is starting again.
Colton looks at me as if he's seeing the weirdest thing in his life, I'm sure of it. When did my life start revolving around what Colton thinks of me? There is a twinkle in his eye. I could have missed it if I hadn't been staring at his eyes. What was that all about?
What is something on my face? Shit, I should check myself in the mirror. I can't have Colton seeing me like this, it's too embarrassing.
"There's nothing on your face."
I turn around and I'm met by the most addictive face I could have been blessed to see. Is that how someone's smile is supposed to be? How come I've never seen him smile before?
I've witnessed all of his emotions, yet this side of him feels almost angelic. His smile radiates warmth, a dazzling light that could easily deceive anyone. If only this expression defined him entirely. Deep down, I know all too well the devil lurking behind that charming façade. I'm fully aware of his games. You won't trick me into surrendering, Colton. I'm always a step ahead, anticipating your every move, forever one step ahead of you.
"What are you thinking, little kitten?"
Why does that sound so cringy and corny and sweet at the same time? Why would I think he is sweet? He is anything but cute.