And just like that, while Shimura Danzō was still plotting how to brainwash Uchiha Yorin into "one of his own," Yorin had already moved first and disabled Danzō's second-most-important card.
Orochimaru was completely lost in the grand vision Yorin had painted—so much so that he was close to forgetting not only Danzō, but even his own surname.
Yes, he knew Uchiha Yorin was using him.
But he was using Uchiha Yorin, too.
Both sides were simply taking what they needed.
The only real concern: without a deep-pocketed mark like Danzō bankrolling him, how would he fund all those super expensive experiments?
Yorin thumped his chest and said he could solve it, but Orochimaru had doubts.
After all, Danzō's greatest talent was cooking the books and embezzling public funds. What could Yorin embezzle—the Uchiha clan's assets? He's a buddy of Fugaku, not his dad; how would he move that money?
Even if he could, the Uchiha's little pile of coins can't compare to Konoha's coffers.
…
Uchiha Yorin: "That's exactly what you don't get, Orochimaru."
To Yorin, Orochimaru worrying about research funding was almost funny.
Whether you're selling a big vision to attract investors or pressing your backers for an extra round of funding—those are Researcher 101.
How much money can a little village like Konoha have? Can it compare to the Fire Daimyo? It can't.
Especially Danzō—compared to the Fire Daimyo, a budget-fudging Danzō is a pauper. Like comparing Kakashi's chakra to Hashirama's.
"I see—so there's a way to play it like that."
Yorin casually outlined a few things, and Orochimaru suddenly looked enlightened.
As expected from the resident brain of this world—he learns fast, and even extrapolates. With just that, he had an epiphany:
"Come to think of it, compared to Danzō, the Fire Daimyo and the nobles really are rich fools. If we can find a way to funnel their money into my research, that's better than letting them blow it on wine and banquets."
Chin in hand, Orochimaru mulled it over, finding Yorin's take increasingly correct.
Why fixate on the ninja world? Sage-level powerhouses are rare, but there's no shortage of loaded suckers.
The only question: under what pretext do we con those suckers into funding research?
"Yorin-kun, got any good ideas?"
Orochimaru eyed him with interest.
If he didn't know Uchiha Yorin, he'd brainstorm himself—but with a top-tier, shameless mastermind handy, why waste the resource?
"If you want to scam research funding, you have to hit their pain points," Yorin said.
"Tell me, Orochimaru—what do those super-rich, high-ranking marks care about most? What moves them?"
"…"
"Life?"
Orochimaru thought a few seconds, eyes glinting. "Indeed. If you have so much, you want to keep it forever. Using 'immortality' or 'life extension' as the hook would work… but that's very dangerous…"
Living Corpse Reincarnation—sure, it's useful, but it's also extremely risky.
Just imagining it spreading—every bigwig in the world turning into a lunatic hunting for vessels—made even Orochimaru feel a little numb.
Yorin: "Orochimaru, you're thinking in the wrong direction."
"It's not immortality?"
"Of course not." Yorin wagged a finger. "I mean virility."
Orochimaru: "…"
Yorin: "A man's three favorite topics—politics, money, and virility. The first two aren't our lane, so let's talk virility. You know this—snakes can mate for days.
So those giant serpents of Ryūchi Cave—can they go even longer?"
Seeing Yorin's eager face, Orochimaru almost blurted, "How would I know?"
But before answering, he realized the line wasn't meant for him—it was for bamboozling investors.
Orochimaru: "Yes, that's right."
Yorin could see he'd gotten it, and grinned even wider. "So, as the sole heir of Ryūchi Cave, do you possess… expertise in that area?"
Orochimaru: "I don't—but I'm very curious. If I could decode the secret of the giant serpents' super sex stamina, could that research be used to benefit humanity?"
He put on an earnest thinker's face: "For example, all those men hollowed out by wine and women, whose performance keeps declining.
If we developed a 'serpent tonic' to restore their manly vigor… would that not be a service to society?"
Yorin slapped the table: "Absolutely—definitely a service!
Settled, then! Tomorrow's front page of the New Konoha Times will be this!"
"Then—happy cooperation?"
"Happy cooperation."
"Heh heh heh."
"Heh-heh-heh."
"Hahahahaha—" ×2
And so Uchiha Yorin and Orochimaru reached an accord—and burst into matching Uchiha-style cackles.
"What are those two idiots laughing at?"
"Coincidentally" passing by Orochimaru's lab door, Danzō frowned, curious.
The next day, he saw why—on the front page of the New Konoha Times.
As a shinobi, intel-gathering is lesson one. He took to the newspaper fast—so fast he considered launching an Anbu-only internal bulletin.
Like many in Konoha, Danzō had developed the habit of reading the New Konoha Times every morning.
At first, Uchiha ninja cats delivered it for free. When the freebies ran out, the withdrawals were real.
To stop suffering, you either buy an issue or get the 20% off subscription. It's cheap—50 ryō per issue, 40 with a sub. Even small fry can afford it.
"Let's see what garbage Uchiha Yorin wrote today."
So thinking, he looked to the front page:
"Shock! Explosive News! Humanity May Soon Defeat the Incurable Curse of Impotence!!! A Super Good Tidings from Ryūchi Cave—Orochimaru Helps You Rise Again!!!!"
Danzō: "…"
Danzō: "What the—WHAT?!"
~~~
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