I was sitting on a small plastic chair in the hospital room. The chair was between the two beds where my kids were. They were fighting over the last chocolate cookie. They were laughing and pushing each other. It was like the world did not almost end yesterday. Their world was still normal.
Their loud, messy laughs filled up the room. It was a perfect sound. Stephanie, was smiling too. It was a soft smile. A tired smile. But it was real. For about five minutes, everything felt almost okay. Almost normal.
But I could not enjoy it. I had things inside me that were burning. They were thoughts and feelings that could not wait. I had to talk to Stephanie.
I looked at her. I caught her eye. I tilted my head toward the door. Just a little bit. She understood. She always understands me. Even when she is very angry with me. Even when she hates me.
