Ryan stood in front of the mirror in his cramped apartment bathroom, the light buzzing overhead like a swarm of angry bees.
At 24, he still looked like a scrawny kid from high school...short, barely 5'5", with a slight build that screamed "delicate" rather than "manly."
His features were soft...high cheekbones, full lips, and eyes that were too wide, too expressive....triggering
Feminine, they called him back then, Fag, Sissy, Pretty boy. The words echoed in his mind as he traced his finger along his jawline, smooth and hairless even without shaving.
He had tried to bulk up once, hitting the gym in college, but his body refused to cooperate. It stayed petite, almost girlish, with narrow shoulders and hips that spread just enough to make jeans hug him in ways that drew stares which he both hated and secretly craved for.
High school has been hell. The bullies cornered him in the locker room after gym class, shoving him against the metal lockers, laughing as they yanked down at his shorts.
"Look at that tiny dick," one would sneer, while the others laughed.
Ryan's dick...three inches at full length, thin as a finger, had always been his deepest shame. It hasn't grown like the other boys, stunted, he figured, from years of furious, guilty masturbation.
Porn had been his escape, his release from the vicious cycle torment. Locked in his room, he would lose himself in videos of strong, dominant men taking what they wanted.
At first, it was anything....straight, gay, whatever came up. But over time, his tastes grew narrow, zeroing in on black men with bodies like gods, their cocks massive... lengthy, veiny monsters that commanded worship.
Tonight was no different. Ryan stripped off his work shirt, a plain button-up from his job at the investment firm, and let slide down is slender legs to the floor.
His chest was smooth, nipples small but perky, already hardening in the cool air. He cupped them absently, pinching one until a spark of pleasure mixed with pain shot through him sending shivers down his spine.
Freak!
He thought, but his cock steered in his underwear. He walked to his bedroom, the apartment silent except for the distant echoes of city traffic outside.
His place was a shoebox in the expensive financial district..cheap rent, but it meant long hours working numbers and figures in the firm's basement-level office, unknown among the suits upstairs.
He flopped onto his unmade bed, laptop balanced on his plumpy thighs. The screen lit up, and he navigated to his favorite site with practiced clicks.
Click click!
No subscriptions; he couldn't afford that....yet. Free videos would do. He scrolled past the usual thumbnails until one caught his eye
A petite white guy on his knees, eyes wide in adoration, facing a towering black man whose cock "oh God!, it had to be nine inches!", thick as a babies wrist...bricked up.
Mhhm!
Ryan's breath hitched. He clicked play, volume low, heart beat escalating.
The video started slow, the sub...blonde and slim, not different from Ryan..crawling forward on all fours.
"Please, sir," the sub whimpered, voice high and needy. The black dom smirked, stroking his massive shaft lazily.
"You want this, bitch? Beg for it." Ryan's hand slipped into his underwear, wrapping around his own pathetic length. He stroked slowly, matching the rhythm as the sub leaned in, tongue reaching licking the tip.
Mmmhn~ahh!
The dom grabbed his hair, forcing him deeper.
Gag!~ninnh slech!
Gags and moans filled the speakers, and Ryan's hips bucked.
He imagined it was him...his mouth stretched wide, throat hitting up, tears streaming down as he worshipped that monster cock. The thought made him leak pre-cum, staining his fingers.
"Fuck ahhn," Ryan moaned, stroking faster. The video escalated, the dom flipped the sub onto his back, spreading his legs wide.
"You're just a hole for me to fuck," the dom growled, pushing in inch by inch.
"Yes master ahn, drill me ohhhh" The sub's cries were pure ecstasy, back arched as he took it all in his hole. Ryan's mind raced
What would that feel like? Being filled, owned, reduced to a pussy for a real man? His orgasm came soon, too quickly, spilling over his hand in weak spurts.
Ah ah!
He collapsed back, panting, the video still playing. Shame washed over him like always, but beneath it layered something else
Hunger!
He cleaned up with a tissue, threw it aside, and closed the laptop.
"Work tomorrow" he sighed reluctantly.
Another day of spreadsheets and coffee runs, blending into the background. His boss, Mr Carter a tall, imposing black man with a voice like thunder barely noticed him.
Ryan had caught himself staring once or twice, at the way Carter's suits strained over his broad chest, wondering what hid beneath.
But that was fantasy.
Reality was his family's ever increasing debts, his drunkard father had racked up thousands before fleeing town, leaving Ryan's mom to scrape by on waitress tips
And then there was Jayden, his 18-year-old brother, smart and eyeing college.
Ryan sent money home on every paycheck, but it wasn't enough. He needed more...a second job, maybe. Something easy, something he could do from home.
He turned to the clock
Midnight!
Sleep tugged at him, but his mind wandered back to the video. What if he could make money like that?
No!, that's ridiculous.
He wasn't that guy. Or... was he? His reflection in the dark window stared back, soft and inviting..... Feminine and...Submissive. The thought stirred him again, his tiny cock twitching despite the recent release.
Maybe....
Ryan sighed, turning off the light. Tomorrow was another day. But deep down, in that spiraling pool of desire, he knew he was sinking further. And the bottom felt inviting.