Compared to the shy and soft-spoken top-pick favorite Derrick Rose, reporters much preferred interviewing Memphis University's starting center, Joey Dorsey.
Because Joey was a man whose muscles had somehow grown straight into his brain , all brawn, no filter. He spoke with the same ferocity off the court as he played on it, and maybe even more so.
Just last year, egged on by a pack of ESPN reporters, he'd boldly declared:
"Greg Oden is overrated! All the papers talk about him like he's some mix between Bill Russell and Wilt Chamberlain, calling him a rich man's Mutombo at worst. That's ridiculous! You'll see , I'll expose him. He'll tremble before my muscles while I grab twenty rebounds over his head!"
Naturally, that boast aged about as well as milk. Oden led Ohio State to crush Memphis in the regional finals, while poor Joey Dorsey left the court scoreless, with only three rebounds and four fouls to his name.
Oden went on to become the 2007 No. 1 pick. Dorsey… became a cautionary tale in Oden's highlight reel.
Since then, under Coach Calipari's strict supervision, Dorsey had kept his mouth mostly shut this season.
Mostly.
But when Charles Barkley himself walked into the USC gym to interview the Memphis squad before their upcoming Final Four matchup, Joey just couldn't help himself. After all, this was Sir Charles, the Godfather of Big Mouths.
So when Barkley asked, "What do you think about UCLA's Snoopy? People are calling him the poor man's Joey Dorsey , he's been impressive with his rebounding and shot-blocking."
Joey smirked at the camera and raised a brow. "He's just another fake."
Barkley chuckled. "But he's taken down guys like Taj Gibson, Michael Beasley, and the Lopez twins , all future NBA players. Beasley's even a projected No. 1 pick."
Joey shrugged.
"Big deal. I'd do even better. Gibson and Beasley? Weak as tissue paper. The Lopez twins? I'm convinced they immigrated from Antarctica, they're so slow they could hang out with penguins."
He flexed his massive biceps and grinned at the camera.
"Just wait till Tuesday at Staples , I'll give him a firsthand lesson in Muscle Power!"
Watching that interview on TV, Leon Powe winced.
"Not all Baltimore guys are like that," he said apologetically. "I owe you an apology on his behalf."
Snoopy just laughed softly. "Don't worry, Leon. I don't hold grudges against cities. Regional prejudice is one of the dumbest kinds of arrogance."
Then he tilted his head and added, half to himself, "I actually thought he was talking about math for a second. In functions, 'Power' means exponentiation."
Leon didn't know the first thing about functions, but he did notice something else, Snoopy's muscles were tense, his posture rigid. That was an involuntary fight response. The kid was angry, no matter how calm his face looked.
Still, even in irritation, Snoopy managed to comfort the people around him.
Leon tried to lighten the mood. "Hey, your coordination's gotten better lately. Been doing any special training in your dorm?"
Snoopy shook his head.
"Not really. But I've noticed something strange, when my heart's racing, when I'm really fired up… my body moves better. Is that a real thing?"
Leon frowned thoughtfully. "Scientifically? No. That's probably just in your head."
But Snoopy didn't agree.
He remembered the Stanford game vividly , the way the Lopez twins had pissed him off, how his blood boiled, and then… how everything clicked. He'd dunked on both brothers and led UCLA to victory.
After the game, his movements had felt smoother, sharper, as if anger itself had refined his control.
So that's how it works, he realized. As long as I keep fighting, I'll keep getting stronger.
It was a relief. For a brief moment after leaving Jennifer's dorm that night, he'd worried his "growth" might rely on… well, something out of a martial arts novel, draining yin to replenish yang. The thought of becoming some kind of stud-monk was horrifying.
Fortunately, it wasn't that.
It was emotion. The more his emotions surged, the faster his heart beat, the more alive his body became.
The only problem, his emotions didn't rise easily.
Leon spent forty minutes on electrotherapy for Snoopy, while Snoopy spent half that time frantically explaining over the phone to a tearful Jennifer Lawrence that he had absolutely nothing going on with Miley Cyrus.
"I swear, I was just a prop! Miley used me to tick off that Jonas kid , and Selena! Those two are together now…"
He talked until his throat went dry before Jennifer finally stopped crying. Then, of course, she got curious.
"Wait, so you're saying Selena Gomez stole Miley's boyfriend, Nick Jonas, and Miley used you to make them jealous? But didn't the Jonas Brothers tour with Miley for her concerts? When did Selena and Nick even start dating, "
"I don't know!" Snoopy groaned. "I don't even know them! I was just dragged into that scene like a background extra!"
"Okay, Snoopy. I miss you. I'll come back to L.A. soon."
The two exchanged a few soft words before hanging up.
Leon, who'd overheard the entire call, looked deeply uncomfortable.
Once Snoopy set the phone down, Leon cleared his throat and offered some worldly advice:
"Snoopy, you really should be more careful with women. A lot of NBA careers went down because of that , Shawn Kemp, for one. And even the man who owns this arena, Kobe Bryant, nearly, "
He didn't get to finish.
Because right then, a tall, broad-shouldered black man stepped into the room.