"I swear, I just wanted to tease him a little."
Under the scorching glare of the entire coaching staff, Darren Collison finally realized the scale of his mistake, a mistake so big it could get him kicked off the UCLA team.
"When the Sports Illustrated reporter talked to me, I didn't know we'd even make the Final Four! I figured we'd get knocked out early after my injury. We were just chatting casually. He asked who on the team had the best shot at the NBA, and I said Luke, Thaddeus, Russell, and Kevin. Then he brought up Snoopy…"
"I wasn't thinking. I told him Snoopy was just a temporary sub for Douglas. I had no idea he'd end up being our defensive anchor in the paint. When the reporter pressed me, I just… joked about him."
Now he couldn't even lift his head. He knew he'd detonated a bomb.
"Reflect on what you've done," Coach Ben Howland said grimly, turning toward the door. "We'll make our decision after the season. You might want to start calling other schools."
The words hit like a death sentence.
...
When Snoopy later heard about Collison's explanation, his verdict was simple:
"Either stupid or evil."
Russell Westbrook clenched his jaw. "Both! Stupid and evil!"
Coach Howland sighed. "Either way, we've got to deal with it now. Joey Dorsey already plays like a stronger version of you. Now that Memphis knows you can't do anything besides rebound and block, they'll attack without hesitation."
Snoopy picked up a ball. He dribbled twice, spun on his heel, rose up, and shot.
Swish.
The ball kissed the net cleanly. The form was still slow, but solid.
Coach Howland blinked in surprise.
Snoopy said calmly, "If Memphis packs the paint and leaves me open near the free-throw line, I can hit that shot. I can pass from there too."
He paused. "And I studied Dorsey's tape. Aside from dunks, he has zero offensive skill. I can neutralize him."
Howland nodded, a faint spark of hope in his eyes.
They filed into the film room, where Assistant Coach Kerr dissected Memphis's DDM, the Dribble-Drive Motion offense.
"It's a guard-driven system," Kerr explained. "Constant penetration, continuous kickouts. Either finish at the rim or pull up from deep…"
Snoopy listened closely as Kerr broke down eight of Memphis's classic sets:
Straight drives, left-curved lanes, horn reversals, side curls, double-screens, their offense was relentless.
Snoopy summarized it mentally:
One big, four small. Attack the rim. Guards lead. Shooters punish.
"Defending the paint will be brutal," Kerr said, glancing meaningfully at Snoopy.
But Snoopy's mind was elsewhere. He believed the real key wasn't the rim, it was the area one step inside the free-throw line, the "impact zone." If someone could anchor that spot, every drive would crumble.
He kept that thought to himself for now. He needed to prove it on the court.
...
Leaving the film room, Snoopy's phone buzzed, it was Edward, his agent.
"Boss! Good news. Your draft stock just jumped again. ESPN's latest mock draft has you at number twenty-nine!"
Snoopy nearly dropped his phone.
"Up?! Shouldn't it be down? Sports Illustrated just trashed me!"
Edward laughed.
"Oh, my dear boss, that wasn't bad press. To the NBA, it's a love song. Think about it: you grew seven inches in a month, your body's still adjusting, and you're still leading UCLA's defense to the Final Four! That's not a red flag, that's a goldmine of potential!"
"NBA scouts don't draft finished products. They draft possibility. And you, my friend, just became a mystery worth betting on."
Snoopy blinked.
There's… a market for that?!
So the same guy who ruined him might've accidentally helped him climb the draft ladder.
Unbelievable.
...
On the team bus to Staples Center, Snoopy was still processing that irony when Brian Wright suddenly yelped, "Oh my God! Look! Look at what Snoopy did in Hollywood last night!"
He held up his BlackBerry like it was on fire.
Russell, Kevin, and the others leaned in, then erupted in laughter.
"Snoopy, bro, you're a legend!"
Snoopy blinked in confusion, until he reached the locker room and saw it himself.
MTV News was looping the clip nonstop.
"…Yesterday afternoon, our reporters captured a shocking scene on Hollywood Boulevard. Disney's golden girl Miley Cyrus and pop idol Nick Jonas were seen breaking up publicly…"
"…But that's not all. Moments later, Miley kissed her new boyfriend, right on camera."
Cue footage:
Miley, teary-eyed, tiptoeing to plant a kiss on one very startled Snoopy.
The reporter's voice dripped with glee:
"Sources confirm the mystery boy is UCLA basketball star Snoopy Douglas, also a top student at Anderson Business School. Rumors suggest he was previously linked to another Hollywood actress."
In the therapy room, Leon Powe nearly choked laughing.
"So… you and Jennifer are over?"
Snoopy scowled. "Fake news."
"Ohhh, so the kiss was acting, huh?" Leon teased.
Snoopy rubbed his lips. "…More like… charity work."
Leon burst out laughing.
But the laughter stopped cold when the screen switched to Memphis's Joey Dorsey giving an interview on TNT, grinning like a predator.
"Looks like your next date," Leon muttered.
Snoopy just tightened his jaw.
If Dorsey thought the kid in the tabloid kiss was just some helpless rookie, he was about to find out,
that kiss was the last free shot anyone would get.