Feeling like he had just vomited out his entire soul, Lori Kitahara turned pale, clutching his stomach as it twisted violently.
The taste of yesterday's alcohol still lingered in his mouth.
And that smell—dear gods—it was so bad he almost threw up again just from breathing.
(T/N: lets say he started drinking in this work from young age)
"Okay, okay, take a sip of tea, gargle a bit," came a calm, amused voice.
Turning his head weakly, Lori saw a cup being offered to him.
"Thank you, sensei. I... I made a fool of myself," he said shamefully, taking it with trembling hands.
Standing before him, legs crossed casually, was Gojo Satoru—his white-haired, eternally grinning teacher. Somehow, the man didn't even look disgusted.
Unbelievable.
Not only was Gojo not angry, he even brought him something to gargle with.
What a saint.
Lori clenched his handcuffed wrists and took a long gulp—
"PFTTT!"
He spat everything right into the trash can.
"What kind of drink is THIS?!" he shouted, looking into the paper cup filled with bubbling yellow liquid.
Gojo tilted his head innocently, his smile widening.
"Oh? That's beer, my student. Hiratsuka-sensei and Chihiro-sensei tend to stash a few bottles around here. I just borrowed one~"
"I take it back," Lori groaned, clutching his chest. "You're a pure devil, Sensei!"
"Huh? Sorry, sorry. Maybe I mixed it up!" Gojo said with a suspiciously playful tone, crossing his legs again.
Lori twitched. "Sensei... may I punch you?"
"If you want to spend the rest of your life in the nurse's office," Gojo said, smirking behind his shades.
"That's... troubling. Very troubling," Lori muttered, immediately bowing his head.
He felt it instinctively — This was not a battle he could win.
Gojo stretched, scratching his head. "Oh, right! I might have forgotten the key to your handcuffs. Lost it somewhere. My bad."
"...Why do you even carry handcuffs in the first place?!" Lori exploded internally.
The man was a teacher, not a cop!
Defeated, Lori sighed and got up, trying to walk away.
"Hey, hey, relax. I'm not a bad person," Gojo said, waving a hand. "Pass me your hands."
Suspicious but desperate, Lori hesitated before extending his wrists.
Maybe he actually has pliers or something...
Click.
"Huh?" Lori blinked, staring down as the cuffs suddenly came undone.
Gojo dangled a small key in front of him.
"Wait—you said you lost it!"
"Oh, I did! Then I remembered it was lost inside my pocket. Makes perfect sense, right?"
Gojo's grin sparkled.
"Make sense my ass!" Lori groaned, rubbing his wrists and glaring with dead-fish eyes.
"I'm leaving, sensei."
"Hold on—take a sip of this before you go. Promise it's not beer this time!" Gojo said, handing him a new cup.
Water, finally! Lori looked inside—clear, no bubbles, no tricks.
As he gulped it down.
"PFFFTTTT!"
His throat burned like fire. "What the hell—this is baijiu!"
Gojo blinked. "What? No way. I poured it straight from the water dispenser!"
Both turned toward the machine.
And there, pasted in big bold letters on the dispenser:
'Warning: Contains Baijiu. Do Not Drink.'
Lori dropped to his knees. "...I'm tired. Please, someone destroy this world."
Gojo scratched his chin. "Well, that escalated very quickly."
.....
Later - In the Teacher's Office—
After class, Shizuka Hiratsuka marched back to her office, ready to rest. But as soon as she opened the door—
She froze.
Reason—
Because there was a lying half-naked man on the floor in front of her, confused, as she raised her hand—
"Oi, you! Who the hell are you?!" she barked, cracking her knuckles.
Lori's eyes shot open. He turned slowly, trembling.
"H-Hiratsuka-sensei?!?"
"It's you?!" Shizuka's expression darkened immediately. "What are you doing half-naked in my office!?"
"I-It's not what it looks like! I swear!"
She slammed the door shut, cracking her fists.
"After you run around naked in my office, you think you can leave?"
Lori panicked. "I was wrong! Please, Hiratsuka-sensei! I woke up at the school gate, my clothes gone—I didn't mean to!"
"Sounds like an excuse."
She was ready to beat the shit out of this shameless student,
When—
"Okay, okay, calm down, Shizuka-chan," came a lazy and amused voice from behind the desk.
Lori looked at him with tears of hope. "Gojo-sensei!"
Gojo leaned back with a grin. "Now, now, if you're gonna hit someone, at least make it interesting."
He said in amusement as he reached under his desk and pulled out—
A metal baseball bat, gleaming white.
"Use this. Way more exciting."
"WHY?!" Lori screamed, pressing himself into the corner. "Sensei, that's attempted murder!"
Shizuka blinked, torn between exasperation and amusement.
"You really are insane, Gojo."
He shrugged. "You bring alcohol to school, I bring sports equipment. Fair trade."
Her lips twitched. "Touché…"
.....
In the end, Lori Kitahara miraculously avoided a beating.
He was scolded for an hour by Hiratsuka and fled home in shame—only to return later for class, this time fully clothed, and find the school's social media plastered with photos of him sprinting in his underwear across campus.
The school forum was now titled:
"The Naked Exhibitionist of Sobu High!"
Gojo laughed so hard he nearly fell out of his chair.
"Hahaha! See, fame comes in many forms!"
Lori wanted to die.
Meanwhile, Hiratsuka sat at her desk, sighing deeply.
"Gojo... why do you even have a baseball bat here?"
"Why do you still stash wine in the filing cabinet?" he countered instantly.
She froze. "...Touché again."
The day ended with chaos as usual.
At Sobu High, the world wasn't ordinary. This wasn't just Japan anymore—it was a strange, fused reality where exorcists, jujutsu sorcerers, devil hunter, and ordinary students all shared the same skyline.
Somewhere beyond the school walls, Benio Adashino trained rigorously with her twin star partner, Subaru Mitejima, under the watchful eyes of Seigen Amawaka.
While Yukinoshita Yukino thinking about her service club, Kirara Hoshino was busy brewing charms form the nearby shrine, and Umaru Gojo—Gojo's younger sister—was probably gaming instead of studying.
...
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.....