Even though Felix had returned and Lowell felt a sense of relief, he couldn't fall asleep. Just like a child who only starts crying after noticing their wound, Lowell found his heart pounding violently through his whole body once he finally acknowledged his emotions—and couldn't calm down no matter what he did.
"You didn't seem to sleep at all."
When he opened his eyes the next morning, Felix asked him that. Even if they hadn't slept together, anyone could've guessed from Lowell's bloodshot eyes.
"I think I napped too much during the day."
Lowell gave the excuse, though he knew Felix probably wouldn't believe it. The knights had likely already reported the he'd stood by the window the entire time, worrying about him.
"Maybe it's just because you're not used to the bed. Let's head back to the castle. It'd be better to eat there, too."
If that were the case, he shouldn't have been able to sleep last night either—but Felix deliberately said it that way.
"Yes."
Lowell was just as exhausted in many ways, so he agreed without resistance.
°°°°°°°°°°°°
After returning to the castle and finishing their meal, Lowell's strange behavior began.
"Where did he go, Lowell?"
Normally, around this time, Lowell would be in Felix's study, curled up in a blanket, reading a book or nodding off. But today, only the blanket lay there, and Lowell was nowhere to be found. Felix ran his hand over the cold covers, then promptly set off to find him. After searching for quite some time, he picked up on the faint scent of sweet pheromones wafting from near the greenhouse used for cultivating herbs.
"Did Lowell happen to come this way?"
"Yes, Your Grace. The Young Master entered just a moment ago."
The gardener tending the greenhouse bowed in fright and reported to Felix. Accustomed to this reaction, Felix showed no particular response and simple nodded before striding into the greenhouse.
Lowell, who had been staring blankly at the herbs, immediately tensed when the tall, broad-shouldered Felix walked in.
"You're here?"
Lowell forced an awkward smile and waved as if to say he was happy to see him. Felix glanced back and forth between Lowell and the herbs, then asked with puzzle expression:
"What are you doing here?"
It wasn't as if Lowell had ever shown interest in plants. In fact, when he first saw the greenhouse, he had lost interest the moment he realized it was just full of herbs. Lowell eyes darted about before he finally answered, a beat too late.
"I heard looking at plants is good for the baby."
"So you suddenly felt like looking at plants?"
Felix didn't bother hiding his skepticism, but Lowell nodded as if nothing were amiss.
"Then take your time looking around."
Felix sat down on one of the chairs in the greenhouse and began watching Lowell intently. His subtly released pheromones carried a clear intention: to mark Lowell with his scent.
What should I do?
Lowell was in a bind. He had planned to get some distance and collect his thoughts, but Felix hadn't given him a single chance. After spending the entire day together, Lowell had slipped into the greenhouse while Felix was off training. Yet he'd been found almost immediately.
This castle is huge. How does he managed to find me so fast?
It wasn't even like he'd sent servants to search—he'd come directly himself, which made it all the more absurd.
"I think I've seen enough. Let's head back."
It hadn't even been thirty minutes, but under Felix's constant watch, Lowell raised the white flag.
"You sure you don't want to stay longer?"
"Yes. I wish there had been more flowers—it would've been nicer."
He didn't really care for flowers, but he thought they might help brighten the castle's grim atmosphere.
"You want to make a flower garden?"
But when Felix asked the question so seriously, Lowell immediately sensed he'd misspoken and rushed to rephrase.
"No. I just meant it would be nice if there was one. It's not like I actually want one made. I just came to see the plants because I heard they're good for the baby—I'm not someone who really likes flowers or anything."
Worried that Felix might order a flower garden built right then and there, Lowell launched into a long explanation. Felix looked at him, eyes weighing the sincerity of his words.
"Alright. Then let's head back to our study."
Lowell bit tongue to avoid correcting him—that it was his study, not ours. It didn't feel like Felix had said intentionally, either. More like it slipped out as a reflection of how he already viewed things.
"Yes."
Lowell followed along like a man being dragged back to the nest. Wrapped tightly in the blanket in Felix's study, he quietly accepted a piece of fruit Felix offered him every minute and sank into contemplation.
I can't let this continue.