" I had always loved my father ....maybe I still do . When I was young , I never thought him as a monster. Rather I wanted to be like him ...the man who never seemed to bow to anyone. The man my mother loved deeply . The man who said that he was the god who gave me life .
So I followed him .
To the child me , there was nothing Rupert Hunter could be wrong about . And there was nothing wrong about following me .
I still vaguely remember shooting my pet cause father had asked me to . I ....do not remember exactly what I was thinking....but then was I even allowed to think by myself?
I do not think so ....
My father liked Mr. Dane for his ambitioness . I knew that debts were already piling up under your family name . But father did not care . Danes used to be parts of royal family . Father wanted that . He had everything but not blood of royalty . So he wanted that under his family.
For the longest time of my life , you had been like many of faces covered with shadows . I did not see human beings or pets . It was more like I did not want to remember faces . Cause I never knew when father would ask me to shoot someone to death again .
I think that it was your tenth birthday, when I finally could see you . Maybe it helped me to know that father was not going to abondon your family. Since you were the last living descendants of royals of this country, father had to hold onto your drowning ship for getting what he wants .
You were dancing in the tiny dance studio in your house . And your mother had invited me in . The more I stared at you , the more I could forget myself - the me , father wanted as his son .
So I loved watching you dance . It was like the world would slowly disappear into darkness , leaving only me and you there . I did not have to do anything or be anyone. I could just forget myself there .
I knew that you were not a really good dancer at first . But there was always something infectious about your smile and your steps . So when you told me that you got into an idol agency , I was jealous. Cause I did not want anyone else to be included in the bubble inside my head . I did not want anyone else to watch you . It felt like you were taking away something very very personal to me.
And the thought burnt me . I did not understand love at that age. But I understood that you were mine . I did not want anyone else to look at you and see anything. Father had given you to me , so why should I share ?
I even thought of - thought of doing something very bad -"
He looked down . In the darkness , I could not really see his expression but I could sense the repent in his voice .
I remembered that time ....we had a really big fight . There was something in the way he started acting when I had told him that I was getting into an agency. My mother had suggested that perhaps he had been upset that I would not be able to spend much time with him anymore but now I understood...
He was scared that he was going to lose me at that time .
" You were just a child ," I cautiously touched his arm ," And you were going through a very hard time and did not know right from wrong ."
" Yeah ," he agreed ," For me everything that father disliked was wrong and everything he had aproved was right . But mother started to teach me otherwise.... My feelings and my self esteem - things I had never bothered with ..I was just supposed to follow whatever father would want me to do . But the more I started listening to my mother, the more I felt like something was very wrong with me .
It was difficult for me to realise who was right and who was wrong between my parents .And I could not follow any one of them without hurting myself. Father hated when I would not listen to him and there would be punishment for that . Each time he was punishing ne , he would be the one who was crying and so would mother . For me....I did not really want to exist anywhere ..but in your dance studio,where I did not have to be anything.
Going there was the only thing neither of my parents had asked me to do . I was just there by myself....it was the only place I felt like I was existing by myself.
But outside that dance studio , everything was black and white - the colours my parents tried to paint , I could not really be bothered with them.
I remembered Mathilda, my father's best friend - his ' soulmate ' , as he used to say suggesting that I was old enough to attend father's parties when I turned thirteen.
That I must start learning my way and earn favours from the sponsors without my parents' backup .
But I had no money or property like my parents did , not experience in business. So how could I earn favours from richest sponsors around the world ?
Father told me to use what I had , and I had -," Liam shivered .
He looked like a child when he was curled on the floor like this.
The darkness in the room was swallowing us . I could not longer see the trace of his figure in the dark.
So I tried to touch him but he flinched .
" So-sorry ," he stuttered," It's just hard since I had not talked about it for a while ....."
I did not know how to console him . I did not understand the depth of his pain .
I was horrified. I was scared .
" How old were you ?," I asked ," How old were you when it started happening."
" I told you ....I was thirteen when my father had me join in those parties where I had to undress before men and women ."