Chapter Four – Nineteen & Dangerous*
Diary,
Being a black girl with *big curly hair* in a small college town feels like walking around with a neon sign that says "main character."
And I don't mind it.
I'm *nineteen and dangerous*—not like criminal dangerous, but like "I might cry over a leaked comeback teaser at 2 a.m. and still slay the next day" dangerous.
I dress a little boyish—baggy jeans, oversized hoodies, sneakers with attitude—but somehow still end up looking like a whole snack.
Not bragging. Just facts.
Okay, maybe bragging a little.
I'm in my second year of college, majoring in *History* (because I gave up on the idol dream when my dancing nearly dislocated my spine).
But I'm not bitter.
I found another purpose—*telling the story of legends*.
When I'm not in class, eating ramen, or deep in a K-drama rabbit hole, I'm texting memes to my *chaotic soulmate*: *Shaun.*
Shaun's loud, proud, dramatic, and gayer than a glitter parade.
He's also an *Orbit*.
A *newbie Orbit*, bless his heart. Only two years in the game.
His bias? *Juwon oppa.*
The *nerve*.
Cue today's very serious conversation in the cafeteria:
> *Me:* "You know you can't call him your husband, right?"
> *Shaun:* "Uh, I absolutely can. I'd die for him. Period."
> *Me:* "Yeah, well, I've already died. Five times. Over five comebacks. Been here for five years. Seniority matters."
> *Shaun:* "Okay, and? I bring flavor to the fandom. I edit fancams. I breathe life into Juwon stans."
> *Me:* "You breathe delusion. Juwon oppa knows I exist. He liked my tweet once."
> *Shaun:* "That was a fanbot."
> *Me:* "IT WAS VERIFIED."
> *[dramatic silence]*
> *Shaun:* "Fine. We can co-parent him."
> *Me:* "You can have Tuesdays."
We argue like this at least once a week. But I wouldn't trade him for anything.
Except maybe a front-row seat at *Starlight's* world tour.
Anyway, I hate going home for holidays.
It's awkward and stiff and full of *"Why aren't you more like your sister?"*
But here, in this messy dorm room with my posters, lightsticks, and Orbit besties—I'm alive.
And Juwon oppa is only a tweet away.