"You can't just give up," Kari said, both of Vic's hands in hers. "She's your sister."
"Even if I knew where she was, I'd be arrested for trying to talk to her. I can see the headlines now. So much for any kind of ministry then."
"Dani didn't file the restraining order. Their manager did. You just need to catch her away from the rest of the band."
"Good luck with that," Vic said, fighting back tears. "But you don't know what she did to Dad. I don't even know what I'd say to her if I did see her."
"Well, you could start with—"
"This is dumb. I would try, but I don't even know where she is."
Kari smiled. "Maybe God will make a way."
Two days later, Kari pulled her yellow Yugo into the Fidelis parking lot as Vic headed out for lunch.
"Hop in. We'll get something to eat."
He didn't have the energy to argue. If I'm not careful, she'll ride my lethargy all the way to the altar. He shot her a where-to look as she buzzed past both of Rio Flaco's restaurants. She looked like she was doing her best to suppress a grin as she looked back at him over her glasses.
Fifteen minutes later, she turned the nose on to 395 South.
"I can't be gone—"
"Worked out. Greg assured me he could handle it."
"No."
"C'mon, you wouldn't go to the fireworks last night." Her mascara threatened to start running.
Vic slumped in the seat. "Where are we going?"
"Out to eat."
***
Dani crushed her cigarette before greeting Shelly.
"You're huge!" Probably not the best opener.
Shelly laughed it off as the two embraced.
"Ooh," Dani said, feeling unexpected movement. "Is that?"
Shelly nodded. "If you sing to them, they'll dance."
"They?"
"That's what the doctor says."
"You'll love this place—real LA classic," Dani said as she led the way into Carney's, a restaurant inside a renovated yellow train car.
It was quiet for a Friday, maybe a little early for the dinner rush.
"Get me what you're having," Shelly said, picking out a window table in the back and taking the wall seat that faced the entrance.
Within minutes, Dani slid the platters of chili burgers and fries onto the table. "So, does Bobby know yet?"
Silence.
"He's trying." Dani felt weird defending him.
"Been getting the checks," Shelly acknowledged. "He still doing drugs?"
Dani's turn to be silent.
The two picked at their food, Shelly peering out the window every minute or so.
"Heard our song on the radio yet?"
"Been listening to the Christian station." Shelly checked her watch, putting a hand on her belly as she checked out the window again. "I want to do this right… right as I can, anyway."
The small talk continued until Shelly cut Dani off, mid-french fry. "I need to use the bathroom." Bracing herself against the table, she pushed up and waddled off.
Dani lit up another cigarette. She hadn't imagined Shelly's visit would stress her out, but something was off. Not way off, but just enough. Maybe it's the hormones.
"I'm starving."
The hairs on the back of Dani's neck stood on end at the familiar voice.
Vic.
She took a deep, quick drag before looking over her shoulder.
Kari, too. Perfect.
Shelly came out of the bathroom and sat at a different table across the restaurant, facing away as Kari tapped Vic on the shoulder and pointed.
Vic's face fell. Kari nodded at him, kissed his cheek, made that silly over-the-glasses-googly-eyed look at him, and slid into the chair opposite Shelly.
Dani pretended she hadn't seen Vic seeing her. She crushed out her cigarette, feeling like she'd been caught in the girls' room.
It took forever for Vic to walk the length of the rail car. He continued past her, leaning his head against the wall. Dani couldn't look at him.
"Say something," she said.
After a long minute, he faced her, leaning against the wall and running a hand through his hair.
"Please."
He started twice, turned red-faced, collected himself. When he managed to make words come out, they were barely above a whisper. "You know this is killing him?"
Dani felt her ears burning.
"You're all he can think about. Come home."
"Can't."
"He hasn't cut his hair since you left. It's over the collar."
Dani wept.
"What's gone is gone. Just bring whatever you have left and come back, full partner. I forgive—"
"Don't need anyone's forgiveness," Dani said, louder than she'd intended. She looked out the window as people started to stare, watching her brother's reflection. "Not yours, not even our father's."
"At least marry the guy if you're going to—"
"Don't need you telling me what to do. I'm not a little girl."
"Then stop acting like one! You know, you're leading him astray, too."
Dani re-lit her cigarette as he walked away, letting it burn in the ashtray as she buried her head in her hands. She couldn't make out the argument on the other side of the rail car, but the last thing she heard Vic say on the way out was, "I'm not hungry."
She fumbled through her purse, hands shaky. No luck. She'd left the pills at home.
"I'm sorry," Shelly whispered, behind her. "I thought—"
"Go away."
***
Kari waited until Vic opened her car door to speak. "I was just trying…"
She must have seen by his look that he wasn't in the mood to talk about it.
"I'll find my own way back."
He was three blocks down the Sunset Strip when Shelly pulled her mom's Olds up next to him. "I'm sorry."
Vic blinked, pretending he hadn't been crying.
"It's my fault, you know."
He tried telling her it wasn't.
"I introduced her to all of it—metal, partying, the band, Jon."
He didn't want to talk about it. Said as much.
"Kari's right," Shelly said. "We just need to…"
Vic crossed in front of her car into Sunset Boulevard. He heard the squeak of her passenger window cranking as he picked his way through traffic.
"She's still your sister!"
He pretended she'd been drowned out as he crossed the median.
***
Standing outside her flat, Dani heard Basil's voice.
Great. Company.
She tried to slip in quietly and go directly to her room, hoping to avoid whatever they were arguing about.
"Telling you, could have landed that Skid Row tour if you'd listened to me."
Jon and Basil thumbed through rock and metal magazines as they talked, half a dozen lines of white powder on the glass tabletop between them.
I'll yell at him later.
With Dani's inheritance providing digs most up-and-coming bands could only dream of, Inferno's penthouse was quickly becoming known as the go-to place to party. She was surprised there weren't any strangers passed out on the floor now.
She wanted to curl up and die in her room, the only part of the flat that wasn't messier than Jon's old trailer. She inched her way along the wall.
"Second place to Pantera's not so bad," Jon said, opening the magazine to a picture of the Texas metal band.
"Third," Basil said. "Nirvana turned 'em down cold."
The grunge band? How'd we lose out to the flannel-wearing weirdos? She decided to worry about that another day.
"Ha!"
Dani jumped as Basil pointed at a picture buried toward the back of Power Chord Metal Mag. "There you are."
Even from across the room, Dani could see the photo clearly. Jon, backstage at The Tricks, three women in varying stages of undress clinging tighter than his spandex. She bit her lip, felt it drawing blood. Just go to the room, Dani. Fight about it later.
Jon snatched the magazine. Maybe it was his smirk. Maybe it was the way he laughed. Maybe it was the way he admired himself in the picture. Maybe it was the way he casually tossed it aside when he was done. Dani felt her temper turning up to eleven.
Later, she couldn't remember what she'd said, but she was sure her father wouldn't have approved of it. She vaguely remembered flipping the tabletop, spilling $500 worth of cocaine into the Berber carpet, Jon yelling, punching, Jon's bloody nose, Jon calling her names she wouldn't have even used on the girls in the photo.
Am I all those things?
Years later, she could still hear Basil's laugh.
***
A dozen tattered musicians shoved leaflets at Vic as he walked up and down Sunset Boulevard. Most of them littered the strip now, but he folded the one listing Inferno on the bottom of the ticket for tomorrow's show at the Whisky A Go Go and shoved it in his pocket. He'd never heard of the other bands, but that was no surprise. Could be top of the charts, for all I know.
He guessed he was an hour's walk from where he'd left Shelly and Kari when he turned around at the corner of Western. The palm trees looked black, backlit in burnt orange.
This is a different world. And my sister's alone in it.
And then night fell.
***
"It's just a picture." Jon had said it a thousand times.
Dani turned over.
"Still not talking to me?" She felt his hand on her shoulder. "You shouldn't have gone out today. You need to watch what you're spending. Basil said we might not have enough to finish the video for 'Den of Vipers.'"
She was glad he couldn't see the look she shot him as she threw the covers aside and stumbled into the living room. Shouldn't have taken that third sleeping pill. She couldn't get her mind off the image of Jon practically wearing those girls. She looked at the other bedroom doors, the doorknobs seeming to vibrate in the haze. Not one of these guys would turn me down on Jon's account. Cal might. She looked hard at Bobby's door, coughing a disgusted laugh. That'd show Jon. And Shelly.
She shook her head, curling up on the blue jean loveseat.
You're not that girl.
Within minutes, Jon was snoring. Must not be too worried about me not talking to him.
***
Vic picked up his pace as the side streets puked every spandex and spike-wearing drag queen rock star wannabe in creation onto Sunset. He jumped out of the way of a seven-foot-tall monster with studs and razors menacing from all corners of his outfit only to back into a pair of prostitutes in black leather.
Add a little fire, and I'll bet hell looks just like this.
He pushed his way through the pushers and pimps and the hookers and the bass players.
"Hey baby, need a friend?" The streetwalker had the darkest eyes he'd ever seen.
Who would know? I have the money. Why should I always be the one to do the right thing?
"Let me tell you about my best friend," he said.
"For $200, I'll make you forget your best friend, your girlfriend, and anyone else who might be on your mind."
"Jesus. Let me tell you about Jesus. I'm a Christian."
"Lots of my customers are Christians," she said, coming in for the kill.
Vic balked as a police cruiser drove by, sending the girl and dozens like her clamoring for the shadows.
Was that Julie in the passenger seat? Hope she didn't see me.
He hung his head and walked as fast as his feet would carry him.
"Place isn't fit for animals."
***
"Didn't you sleep?"
Dani shook her head. It was unusual for any of the guys to stir before sunrise, but Bobby? He never got up before noon.
He joined her on the balcony. "Bark's worse than his bite."
"You heard that?"
"Who didn't? But you gotta get some sleep. Big show tonight."
Dani needed no convincing. She'd never felt so exhausted. But even a fourth sleeping pill hadn't slowed the images racing through her brain. Jon with those other girls draped over him. The disappointed look on Vic's face. The way she'd shoved Shelly away. And Daddy. She'd done everything in her power to drive the image of Daddy's face at the Cow Palace out of her mind. She wanted to scream. She didn't have the energy.
"Try this," Bobby said, glancing over both shoulders and pulling something that looked like a tiny purple balloon out of his pocket. He poured white powder from it onto the table.
"You know I don't."
"It'll help you forget the fight." He set a short tube next to the drug.
"When Jon does it, he bounces off the walls."
"Nah, that's coke." Bobby chuckled, double checking over his shoulders. "This ain't that."
"Keep this up, and Shelly's never going to let you see your babies."
"Babies?" He shook his head, squinting into the sunrise and calling Shelly one of the names Jon had used for her the night before.
Dani smacked him.
Bobby laughed. "If you don't wanna forget…"
Dani snatched the tube.