"You can't be serious?" One glance at the cover and Dani tossed the newly minted cassette aside.
"How bad can it be?" Jon snatched it, turning and cussing Basil. "I told you not to change our name!"
"Dani's Inferno," Basil said. "Like Dante—"
"Who?" Jon said.
"Trust me. It'll sell records."
"Call it whatever you want," Dani said. "Just change the picture." If it had revealed any more of her, it would have been censored.
Basil admired the camera work on the cover. "Every fourteen-year-old boy in the country will buy it."
Dani's stomach churned. How'd I become the exact thing Kari warns the boys at youth group to stay away from? She did her best to push the image of teens leering at her picture out of her head.
"Who cares about the picture?" Jon said, ignoring her reaction. "It's nothing the whole world hasn't seen by now. But this is my band. How dare you change the name?"
"Dani's Inferno's the opening act for the Rock Gods Tour," Basil said, smirking. "How do you think I booked that? You're a good-looking kid, but let's face it, you're just another skinny blond singer. Besides, it's already on the posters that way."
Jon's face darkened when he turned the cassette over. "You cut 'Cold War?' And 'Mirror, Mirror?' I only sing on half of these."
"That too many?" Basil said.
Marc and Cal grabbed Jon before he could reach the promoter.
"Trust me, kid, I know what I'm doing."
Dani didn't have the energy to argue about track listings, even though a couple of the songs featured lyrics so objectionable she'd only agreed to sing them after Basil promised they'd never see the light of day. She couldn't get the image out of her head of church kids hiding her band's cassette so their parents wouldn't see her on the cover.
"You have any blow?" Dani whispered to Bobby as their bandmates restrained Jon. Only thing I know that'll make that still, small voice shut up.
"What do you mean cleaned out?" Dani demanded in the tour bus that afternoon. "Of all people, I know you're not getting on my case for being stoned."
"Don't care what you snort but you gotta figure out a way to pay for it," Basil said. "You're broke. Busted."
Dani was surprised how easily profanity spewed from her. "We can't be through all of it?"
"Unless Bobby's got a stash—"
"The money, I mean."
Basil lit one cigarette off another. "Told you, you're down to zilch. Nada. Unless you want to rethink that spread for Playboy?"
Dani glared.
"Check's a check, kid." Basil stepped in closer, the smell of stale tobacco overpowering. "Besides, the exposure a centerfold brings will sell records. Look, I didn't tell you to start a habit. I did tell you to lose one, though, and you didn't listen. You could have afforded the drugs till the next advance. The video featuring Johnny Boy, not so much. Cost 120 large. Barely shows you and MTV tossed it in the circular file. When you people gonna realize I know what I'm talking about?"
"It's his band."
"We all know who the star is. So does he."
"I'd rather be his girlfriend than his guitar player."
Basil let it drop as the tour bus door opened and the rest of Inferno spilled in, cases of beer under each arm. Dani wrinkled her nose. Hate beer. But if it's all we have…
"I was thinking this next album, I'll just play guitar," Dani said, cozying up to Jon after a couple beers. "Maybe some BGVs."
"Talk like that, there won't be a second album," Basil snorted.
Dani ducked for cover as Jon hurled a can of Coors, narrowly missing Basil.
"Fifteen cities down," she mumbled, huddling behind the gear as the fight threatened to tear the bus apart. "Forty-five to go."
Things went downhill as the tour progressed into fall. Dani was sure Basil was holding out on her money but had no idea what to do about it. He kept her in just enough heroin to relax, just enough coke to make it through performances. A few times, she resorted to hanging out with the headliners when she was low and Basil didn't deliver. Her recollection of those nights was fuzzy.
Jon pushed her away more and more. He wanted her when he wanted her. Most of the time, he just yelled at her. She felt like she couldn't do anything right. Is it my fault the sound guys crank the system when I play and turn it down to half for him? She'd offered to stop singing, but her songs were the ones hanging just outside the charts. Guess that's my fault, too. Even if Basil hadn't insisted she keep singing, the label would.
Jon knew that.
Didn't stop him from blaming her.
Dani stared at lines of cocaine on a mirror between her and Bobby backstage in, best she could remember, someplace in Texas. Vomit rose in her throat, but she managed to hold it down. No more. Can't do this. It wasn't so much the bad dreams or the night terrors that had become an everyday occurrence. It wasn't even the weird hallucinations she'd started having. At least, she thought they were probably hallucinations. Mostly. Pretty sure those midgets that show up every once in a while and run around in the penthouse throwing makeup all over the place are the real deal. But who knows anymore? Who cares?
Bobby didn't seem any more inclined to take a hit tonight than she was. Wasn't like him, but he seemed lost in thought as he slumped against the gear cases. Dani offered him a cigarette, but he waved her off.
"Shelly called."
"That's grea…" Dani said as his face fell. "What happened?"
"Babies were born. Boys."
"But they're okay? Shelly's okay?"
"They don't know. It was two months early, and they're not doing good."
"What are you doing here?" Dani felt herself start to shake.
"She won't let me see them anyway." Bobby balled his fists. "Not till I'm clean."
Back in the dressing rooms, Basil and Jon started arguing. Again. Something about the setlist. Dani did her best to tune it out, but it looked like it was getting under Bobby's skin.
"Haven't had any since yesterday morning." Bobby held his hand out so she could see it quiver. "No idea how I'm gonna play tonight."
"Thought about rehab?" Dani said.
"Can't quit the tour. Child support to pay." He grabbed the mirror and flung it like a Frisbee, white powder streaming to the floor like confetti as the glass shattered against the wall.
Marc walked past, stepping around boxes and crates.
Probably on his way to settle Jon and Basil down. Always the peacemaker.
Looking at the shards at his feet, Marc whistled. "Mirror say you ain't the fairest in the band?" He laughed at himself, looking Dani and Bobby up and down. "Tough crowd."
An hour later, Inferno played the toughest crowd they'd ever faced. Bobby played half a measure behind most of the night and Dani spent the whole performance on the brink of passing out. At one point, a beer bottle hit Cal in the head. She'd never heard him yell like that before.
Halfway through the set, Jon made a lewd gesture to the crowd, another toward the band, and stomped off stage.
It didn't improve much when Dani stepped to the mic. She forgot half the lyrics, couldn't get her fingering right, and, for the life of her, couldn't figure out why the stage was spinning.
For the first time since she'd joined the band, there was no encore.
"We're lucky we even got off the stage," Marc said.
"What was that?" was all Cal managed as Dani shook herself to keep the fog at bay.
The shaking brought waves of nausea. Dani knew she needed to sit, but she needed to find Jon more. He's going to be furious but better to deal with it now than back on the bus. She stumbled toward his dressing room, steadying herself against the wall with one hand, the other on her stomach.
Then she opened the door.
She wanted to scream. Wanted to cuss him out. Wanted to cuss her out, whoever she was.
She closed the door softly and walked away.
Fifteen minutes later, Jon found Dani rocking in the corner, head in her hands. She refused to look at him as he tried first to apologize, then to justify, then finally to blame her.
"Wouldn't have come to this if you didn't hog the spotlight all the time."
She glared at him. He hadn't bothered putting his shirt back on.
"Stand up and talk to me." He grabbed her wrist, pulling her up.
Dani balled her free fist, blinking hard as she tried to decide which of the quavering Jon faces to hit. She started to fight nausea again. Quit. Puked all over him. Sat back down. Serves him right. She was only vaguely aware of the filthy names he called her as she was blacking out.
When Dani woke, Basil stood over her while Cal and Marc fanned her.
"Tell Jon he's fired," she said weakly.
"About time," Basil muttered. "You sure?"
"He's out of Dani's Inferno. And evicted." Dani closed her eyes, hands on her stomach.
"You got the flu?" Basil said. "Knew something wasn't right."
No way I can tell him. Her voice a shade over a whisper, she asked, "Where's Bobby?"
"Hit Jon for yelling at you, then hit the nose candy," Basil said. "He's sleeping it off in his dressing room now.
He never woke up.