The night was incredibly long, almost as long as death itself, but when she opened her eyes, Ahsoka suddenly felt something she hadn't felt in a very long time, probably since she left the Order. A feeling of all-consuming warmth and peace, and most importantly, security.
Could it be that the little angel had understood her mental message and left her to die, and now Tano was in another world of the Force? But there, it seemed, there was no unpleasantness or evil, and along with the warmth and calm, Asoka felt something that did not make her entirely happy. A pulling pain in her lower abdomen, exactly the same, only more burning, in her throat, which felt like it was being scratched with sandpaper with every breath she took, and weakness that prevented her from even changing position.
Asoka stretched her legs as far as the pain would allow and noticed that she was lying on something like a cot in a small room, wearing a loose white shirt similar to those issued in the temple's infirmary. Still, she felt that something was missing from her body, and she began to unconsciously search for it with her palms. She immediately realised what was wrong.
Her stomach!
It was completely different from how it had been for the last few months. Completely flat, almost the same as it had been before she was pregnant.
Pregnancy! Stop!
Her thoughts rewound the events of the past few hours and forced Asoka to relive the recent horror. The pain of contractions. Giving birth in the forest in the cold rain. And finally — the cold little body between her legs. Her child, dead and motionless, so small, but wiser than his mother, deciding that it was better not to be born at all than to suffer the eternal shame of his own origins.
But nevertheless, despite everything, this child was first and foremost hers, Asoka Tano's. A beloved creature, the only one of its kind and, perhaps, the only one who would have loved Togrut simply because she was his mother. But he was no longer there. They had taken him away. He was dead. He never even knew he was alive. After this realisation, hot tears welled up in Asoka's eyes and flowed uncontrollably down her cheeks."Now, now, don't cry," she heard a soft, gentle voice above her, a voice that seemed vaguely familiar. "You've shed enough tears while you were asleep.
Suddenly, someone's rough, calloused hands began to wipe the tears from the togruta's face, unexpectedly gently and almost motherly.
"Are you hungry?" the same voice continued. "We have soup made from the game the boys shot last night before they found you.
Asoka, unable to say anything or even lift her eyes to look at the woman, simply nodded in agreement. She really was hungry, unable to remember the last time she had eaten properly. Meanwhile, the woman brought a plate with a spoon and, scooping up some soup, brought it to the togruta's lips. Taking the first mouthful with an effort of will, the girl suddenly realised that the dish was very tasty and that her stomach had long been craving proper food.
"Where am I?" she decided to ask while the stranger scooped up another spoonful of soup.
"In the Jedi Order," she replied in all seriousness. "Or rather, in its peculiar enclave, which houses those who survived Order 66. There are many more of them than most people think, and I am very glad that you did not fall victim to it like my other comrades. You were found yesterday evening by two younglings whom I am now supervising. I hope you haven't forgotten that?
So much information came crashing down on the still very weak and barely recovered Asoka in an instant that her tired mind was simply unable to process it quickly. And so she chose to focus on what was closest to her at the moment — the soup. It was hot and very tasty, nourishing her body and deepening her sense of peace and security. For many months, she had been practically homeless, wandering across the galaxy, fleeing not so much from the Empire as from her recent past, occasionally stopping on poor, almost abandoned planets. And then her food was whatever she could find or steal, and her bed was the floor of the ship or even grass and leaves. And sometimes there was not even that.
"Is that enough?" the woman asked, wondering if Asoka had eaten enough. When she nodded, she put the plate aside and asked another question: "Now tell me how you ended up here and where you've been living since you left the Order."
Tano finally decided to raise her face to her saviour, and if she hadn't been so weak, she would have thrown herself into her arms. It was Master Shaak Ti, who, like Asoka, was a Togrutai and had always supported her during her training. But she looked a little different now than she had in the temple. For example, she had lost some weight, her skin was weather-beaten, and she was not dressed in a beautiful dress and red robe, but in a simple faded cotton dress and a white apron made of coarse linen. And strangely enough, she looked much better and simpler in this unpretentious outfit, or was it just Asoka's imagination?
"I flew to Shili," Tano began, surprised at how hoarse and weak her voice sounded. "I found my family and lived with them for a while.
"That's a pretty good start," Shaak nodded approvingly when Asoka paused, unsure whether to continue. "Well, what happened next? What made you leave your home again?"
"They all died," she replied simply. "My family is gone."
With that answer, she made it clear that it was best not to pursue the subject any further. Shaak Ti understood and gently patted Asoka on the shoulder in a gesture of support. When her huge blue eyes turned back to the Master, she continued:
"But you gave birth to a child, Asoka. Who was his father?"
"He's dead too," Tano replied dryly, lowering her head and beginning to smooth the blanket on her knees.
"How terrible, how much grief you've endured," Shaak exclaimed, but Asoka surprised her by replying,
"On the contrary, I don't regret his death at all. In fact, I'm glad that man is no longer alive.
Togruta was confused, but she was too well-mannered and too concerned for Asoka's well-being to continue pressing the issue, so she asked something else instead:
"What were you doing on Endor? Alone, in the evening?
"I stopped to spend the night. I'd been wandering around the galaxy for months. I didn't care where I went. Even if it meant facing death," Asoka shrugged her emaciated shoulders, her loose shirt hanging on her like a mannequin.
"Don't talk nonsense," Shaak Ti gently rebuked her. "I won't let you die, you're too young and beautiful for that.
She adjusted the blanket around her, unable to hide the sharp wave of sympathy that pierced her heart at the sight of what had become of this once cheerful and lively girl. Now she was a frightened and completely broken creature, her face bearing the marks of prolonged pain.
"Mace and I buried your son in the forest," she felt compelled to tell her. Asoka closed her eyes. A son. So she had had a boy, and she hadn't even noticed, having seen her child only once, and then only briefly."If you want, when you're better, I'll show you the place," Shaak offered, also understanding that the mother had a right to know where her child lay.
"No, I don't want to," Tano shook her head desperately, and tears streamed from her eyes again. Shaak Ti hugged her:
"I understand how you feel, Asoka. I have two children, a girl and a boy, but before they were born, I suffered a miscarriage. It's the worst thing that can happen to any woman.
"No, it's not the worst," Asoka thought to herself. "Sometimes even worse things happen to women."
"Now you need to sleep," Shaak Ti told her. "I think you caught a bad cold lying in the forest in the rain. Go to sleep, I'll stay with you."
Tano looked at that kind and sympathetic face and smiled slightly with her eyes alone:
"Thank you.
"All thanks will come later, when you're better," the woman smiled back.
"I can't stay here... I have to fly on," Asoka objected hesitantly.
"Don't even think about leaving for a while," Shaak replied firmly. "You can stay here as long as you like, even until the day the Empire falls. And we are all confident that it will happen one day, and there will be peace and order in the world again.
Ahsoka wanted to object again, to say that she couldn't live among such worthy individuals as the Jedi. If only Shaak Ti knew how Tano had lived for the past year. If only she knew... But before she could say anything, the Togruta slowly drifted off to sleep.
***
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