Just last night, Asoka had a new problem that caused her a lot of unpleasant moments.
But so as not to add to Shaak Ti's worries, she didn't tell her that her breasts were very swollen and had been hurting all day. Togruta endured until evening, and then Katuni fed her dinner. It was simple but surprisingly filling. No one in the camp went about their business all day. The children's lessons were cancelled out of respect for the grief of Knight Skywalker. After dinner, everyone gathered to bury Padmé. The entire camp was plunged into silence.
Ahsoka lay in her bed and stared silently at the wooden ceiling. She could hardly hear the sounds of the sad ceremony, only the humming of the Republic anthem. Without realising it, Tano began to sing along, surprised that she still remembered the words to the song. How long had it been since she had heard it?
Exactly as long as she had lived away from the Order and the Jedi, and then the Emperor and his second-in-command, a terrible man who was half cyborg. They had banned the singing of all hymns of the fallen regime. It had become a joke among the stormtroopers. She remembered seeing two of them in a cantina on Makebe, where a twist of fate had brought her not long ago. Two soldiers in white were sitting at the bar when one suddenly said to the other:
"This fuel source, isotope-5... The sergeant said it could change the course of the war.
And his comrade replied, rubbing his helmet with his right hand:
"That's good. Otherwise, we'll soon be singing 'All the stars shine as one'.
Remembering this incident, Asoka smiled and fell asleep, waking up only when all the inhabitants of the house returned from the funeral.
The next day was almost identical to the previous one, except that Tano was not feeling so well. Her breasts had swollen even more under her thin shirt. She tried not to show them when Katuni or Shaak Ti came to check on her or perform their daily care routine.
But now both breasts were burning and throbbing with pain. Togruta looked under the neckline of her shirt and almost cried out in shock when she saw that her nipples had darkened and begun to crack. What's more, they had become so sensitive that even the almost weightless fabric of her shirt pressed down on them like a concrete slab. Shaak Ti continued to nurse Anakin's children and returned much later than Windu and the children had gone to bed. Katuni and Ganodi were sleeping peacefully in the next room, Mace and the boys had gone out into the porch. Asoka, however, could not sleep because of the pain in her chest and was moaning softly through her teeth. That was when Shaak Ti returned. Hearing the moans, she immediately bent over the young Togrutai:
"Great Force! Asoka! What's wrong? Are you feeling worse?
"I'm sorry," she began hesitantly. "My chest... I...
Shaak Ti did not waste time trying to see the cause of Asoka's complaints with her own eyes. She immediately understood what was going on and clapped her hands, annoyed at her own lack of insight:
"Of course! How could I forget! Your milk has come in, and it's bothering you because there's no way for it to come out since there's no baby...
Then she stopped mid-sentence, struck by another realisation.
"Get up, come with me," she said in a decisive tone after a couple of seconds.
"Where?" she asked, raising her eyelashes in confusion as Shaak Ti pulled the blanket off her and helped her to her feet, moving her hands quickly and energetically. "But I don't even have any proper clothes.
"It doesn't matter," Shaak replied, helping Asoka to her feet. "You have milk, but you don't have a baby, and there are two children there who are almost dying. They need milk badly.
Asoka realised that Shaak was about to take her to the babies, who had been crying almost non-stop for two days. Now only quiet sobs could be heard throughout the camp. To take her to the man who was once Thano Uchi, her partner and the closest person in the galaxy. But that was then. Now it was not so.
Now, in his eyes, she was the embodiment of vice and betrayal, something that could no longer be refuted or disputed. Because it was too late. Because there was no one left. Because no one wanted to know the truth, and no one needed it. Not then, not now. And that's why Ahsoka didn't want to go there, not only because she was afraid of catching the curious glances of her former comrades and didn't want to answer their questions about how she ended up there. Pregnant and completely alone. Feeling the comfort and safety of Shaak Ti's little house, Tano did not want to leave at all. But there was no choice, Shaak Ti had already draped a warm shawl over her shoulders and was gently pushing her towards the door.
"Your boots are so worn out," Shaak Ti continued, "that they're not much different from bare feet, so go without them for now, just be careful not to step on any pebbles.
Stepping over the threshold of the house and seeing the street for the first time in several days, Asoka staggered. Her chest heaved from the movement and ached incredibly. On top of that, she knew she didn't look her best. She was wearing only a shirt and a knitted scarf, and she had been wiped down with a damp towel the whole time; she hadn't been able to wash properly for several days. This made the girl feel dirty and disgusting, even to herself, let alone to others who saw her. In a desperate attempt to insist on her last wish, the Togruta almost begged:
"Please, Shaak, I don't want anyone to look at me.
"It's all right," the Magister said firmly, taking Tano by the hand and dragging her to the only one of the small wooden houses where the light was still on. "You are going to try to save the children, and no one will care about your appearance.
Alas, Ahsoka knew that this was not always the case. She had been mistreated and rejected before. And she knew firsthand how cruel and unjust living, intelligent beings could be.
"Master Yoda," said the eldest Togrutar as they approached the house with the glowing window. "I have brought help."
The door opened immediately, letting in all the awkwardness that always arises when familiar people meet in circumstances in which they hardly expected to meet.The first people Ahsoka saw were a short, eared humanoid with grey hair and a thin old woman with a tuft of the same grey hair. Tano recognised them immediately — they were Master Yoda, still head of the Jedi Order, and Jokasta Nu, formerly in charge of the temple archives. Now, as the eldest, they had been made camp leaders and were in charge of all important matters. Shaak Ti had told Ahsoka all about this on the way, but now her voice dropped to a whisper out of respect for the grief of the young man sitting in the corner of the small room, his head bowed low and his hands clutching his shoulder-length blond hair.
Meanwhile, Yoda and Jokasta stared at the former temple apprentice who had entered with Shaak Ti, whom they barely recognised, seeing in her a greatly emaciated figure with a dull gaze, dressed only in a shirt that hung on her like a scarecrow in a vegetable garden. Ahsoka lowered her eyes, hiding from the questioning glances of her old acquaintances and mentally apologising for her appearance, looking at her bare feet, wet from the evening dew. At first, everyone was silent, and then Jokasta spoke:
"I cannot express my surprise and indignation at your decision to bring this person here. As far as I remember, she once betrayed the Order and all of us, after which she did the best she could in that situation — she fled the temple. And now she shows up here as if nothing had happened, and in a state that one would only be in when alone. And now, when a woman has just died here.
"Perhaps I wouldn't have done it," Shaak Ti hissed, clearly showing her dislike for the old woman. "But circumstances decided for me. Asoka has just given birth and has milk. And I think that if we put the children to her breast, then..."
"Oh no, not that!" Jokasta exclaimed with an air of offended innocence, beginning to clench the hem of her coarse linen dress fiercely. Shaak had no doubt that this would be the woman's response, so she turned to Yoda:
"The unfortunate twins might survive if Asoka manages to feed them.
Yoda didn't have time to answer before Jocasta rushed to object. While she was ranting, Asoka looked around the part of the room that she could see. She saw a fairly large bed with beautiful blankets and covers, much more elegant than those in Shaak Ti's hut. Next to a small cupboard stood a pair of small children's boots, pink and blue.
Tano looked further and stopped at a pair of brown boots standing near the wall. They were tall, knee-high, made of thick embossed leather with a small heel. Asoka recognised them immediately. Anakin wore similar ones, if not the same ones, in the Order. The sight of these boots instantly brought back all the bittersweet memories of her past with their owner.
Tears of nostalgia and painful impossibility burned Tano's eyes, but they also forced her to make her own decision about her former mentor's children. But it was unlikely that the decision would be the same for everyone.
***
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