"CRACK!"
The apartment door opens with a crunching sound after yielding to my apocalyptic master key (a metal crowbar).
["Excuse me."]
I enter the room with polite etiquette.
["Is anyone home? Some moron broke your door."]
I ask, but I get no answer. The lack of respect around here is rampant.
["Do you know I'm obligated to report you to my grandfather for vandalism?"] ["The rat kid doesn't know what you're talking about."]
I feel indignant at Carla's unfair accusation. Vandalism? The rat kid is well-mannered. I even announced that some moron broke the door. Those are the real vandals.
["I hope there's a shower. I need a bath after all that."] ["Let's go see."] ["Yeah, better. You stink."] [[[[SHUT UP!]]]]
Kekekeke.
"Grii, grii."
As I moved some furniture to block the entrance, the two goblins approach to help me push. They've been quite active. I think they're trying to earn their place in the group. Is the desire to belong to a pack a trait of their species?
I must admit, they look pretty moe pushing the furniture with their cheeks puffed out from the effort. If only I weren't pushing from the opposite side on purpose to annoy them. What a shame.
["LEAVE THEM ALONE!"] ["GYAAA!"]
I scream as Carla kicks me from behind.
["Don't waste your time with this idiot. Come take a bath with us,"] —she said and took the goblins with the others.
[Tsk.]
I'm frustrated by the missed opportunity, but there will be new ones.
["I hope there's internet here."]
After securing the entrance, I reset the router to its factory settings to see if I can get a connection. Originally, I planned to enter the police station tonight, but no matter how many detours we take, the whole damn area is besieged by goblins.
We even had to fight some, but we avoided most confrontations thanks to the goblins, who seem to know their patrol routes approximately.
Suspicious? Very. But if they were captives who planned their escape, it would make sense.
Anyway, why did it have to be goblins? Can't they be sexy vampires? Or sexy succubi? I demand a refund from this stupid apocalypse.
"RatKid1: The rat kid is screwed, the rat kid concludes."
I type on the Network as soon as I connect. My phone screen was cracked before, but at least it still works.
"RatKid3: Good to know you're still alive."
"RatKid2: Can you not joke about that this time? My nerves have been on edge since that Kraken video circulated."
The rat kids start typing as I throw myself on the sofa. I have low battery. Where's the outlet? Ah, here.
"RatKid5: YOU DAMN BRUTE, HOW DARE YOU CONTACT THE NETWORK BEFORE US? I'M GOING TO KILL YOU."
Oh, for fuck's sake…
"RatKid10: He's in trouble already, lol." "RatKid8: Goblins are safer, lol."
You sons of bitches…
"RatKid1: [VIDEO attached: hordes.mp4]" "RatKid1: Go on and analyze these scenes while the rat kid controls his vixens."
"RatKid10: Whipped. Lol." "RatKid8: I always knew he had Saiyan blood. lol." "RatKid3: You sure know how to pick 'em, hahaha." "RatKid2: It's adorable how he still tries to look tough while obeying." "RatKid6: Aw, love~~~."
Yeah, yeah, go to hell.
...................
["And that sums up everything I've been doing,"] —I tell the girls over the video call, after narrating the situation.
[[…What the fuck are you doing…]]
They look at me with cold eyes. I don't know what's wrong, but hate me more. Gyajajajajajaja.
["Well, it's snack time,"] —I say as I open a bag of snacks.
[[Haaaa!]] —the girls on the screen sigh in resignation. I've hit the jackpot.
["Hey, bring me some of that and more beer."] ["And what does the rat kid get out of it?"] ["I'll let you massage them for five seconds."] ["Natural, or do you prefer garlic and cheese flavor?"] ["Surprise me."]
The rat kid is on a roll.
[[Enough nonsense!]] [Hikk!]
The good thing is the rat kid isn't over there.
["And how many more wenches are you going to pick up?"] ["Depends, how many can I pick up and stay alive?"] ["You liiiiittle—"] ["Complaints, complaints with you. Do you plan to marry the rat kid like this?"] ["Wh-who's the maniac who would marry you?"] ["You?"]
By the way, this video conference has lasted for over an hour. From crying about me not connecting sooner, to update reports. I also told them about the houses I checked.
It seems they're relieved that the families weren't dead. Aren't these girls too strong?
Carla and the others, meanwhile, managed to make a simple meal but stayed out of the way. Finally, they left the food for me and went to sleep.
["Haaa, whatever, how are you getting in?"] [[[He didn't deny it…!]]]
Kekekeke…
["From a nearby building."] ["Worn out?"] ["The classics never die."]
Harpoon gun, baby.
["How will you get into the apartments?"] ["The rat kid has a magic wand,"] —I say, holding up the metal crowbar.
[[That's…]] ["The good thing is the rat kid knows how to break in politely."]
My mom didn't raise a rude person.
"Woof."
In the middle of our discussion, Zeus gives the signal. The little white guys must be close. The video call has to end.
["We'll talk later."] [[Be careful.]] ["Hey."] ["What? Does it hurt to see me go?"] —I ask Louise, who stops me before I hang up.
["Aren't you going to answer the goody-two-shoes' call? She's been there for an hour."]
I look at the incoming call notification from Milia on the side of the screen.
["And how does that benefit the rat kid?"]
On the contrary, I only see a future where I get a look of fear.
["Humph. Come back quick."] ["Rat kid out."]
The rat kid knows his herd. Gyajajajajajaja.
................. < Chat Channel: #Rat_Kid_Network >
RatKid1: Alright now, let's begin.
RatKid4: The whipped one is back. Lol.
RatKid3: Did you ask for permission? Lol.
RatKid8: Hey, don't bother the whipped one. Lol.
RatKid10: lol.
RatKid6: lol.
RatKid7: lol.
RatKid2: lol.
RatKid5: lol.
RatKid1: Fuck you all.
RatKid6: Moving on to what's important, it seems the profiles fell short this time. RatKid4: Orcs are the shock troops, goblins are the swarm infantry. Textbook siege tactics. But there's something that doesn't fit.
RatKid3: The discipline. Look at minute 1:14. The Goblins aren't charging blindly. They're moving in squads, using the vehicles as cover while suppressing the second-floor windows. The file says "savage cunning." This is military training.
RatKid2: The Orc's resistance is also off the charts. At 2:03 it takes a high-caliber shot to the shoulder. According to the file, it should at least flinch. This one doesn't even blink. Its regeneration is faster than we theorized.
RatKid4: The chain of command is the real problem. The file says the Orc-Goblin relationship is variable. In this video, it's not variable. The Orc in the center, the one with the biggest axe, is not a simple battering ram. He's observing. He's directing the Goblins. He's a warlord.
RatKid6: An Orc with the strength of a tank and the tactical intelligence of a general. RatKid8: Guys, look closely at the skin and eye color. That orc leader has something weird about him.
RatKid7: A variant?
RatKid2: As if we didn't have enough problems.
RatKid10: So, we have more disciplined Goblins, more resistant Orcs, and a clear chain of command. The files are the tutorial. This is Nightmare mode. RatKid5: Tsk. You're all enjoying this.
RatKid1: Damn it, I was hoping it was just my paranoia.
RatKid3: Explain.
RatKid5: 3, tell me, with those capabilities and troops, how long would it take you to take that place?
RatKid3: …Damn it.
RatKid2: Can you not speak in code? There are some mortals here. With no experience in military analysis or political psychology.
RatKid7: I second 2.
RatKid4: I second 2.
RatKid8: I second 2.
RatKid10: I second 2.
RatKid6: I second 2.
RatKid3: In short, they're just playing with their food. Best-case scenario, they're using them for raid training.
RatKid4: So that's why they only attack from the front, even though they have the whole place besieged.
RatKid6: Rat Leader, in those moments when you were recording the leader… don't you think he's aware of you?
RatKid1-Astrad: I think so too.
RatKid7: Abort mission.
RatKid4: Abort mission.
RatKid8: Abort mission.
RatKid10: Abort mission.
RatKid6: Abort mission.
RatKid3: Abort mission.
RatKid2: Abort mission.
RatKid5: Abort mission.
RatKid1: I refuse.
RatKid7: That was obvious.
RatKid4: As expected.
RatKid8: I knew it.
RatKid10: An idiot to the end.
RatKid6: That's our idiot.
RatKid3: I have no words.
RatKid2: If you die, I'll kill you.
RatKid5: Ahhh, you can't win with force, and dialogue is out of the question. You know that, right?
RatKid1: Kekeke, so what?
RatKid5: Humph, you'll see how I treat you when you get back. Based on everything we've seen and studied, they're a tribe based on two points: strength and interests. Weaken the leader and the forces with too much potential, make sure they don't see your group as a threat, and then let them kill each other in the fight for control. That's it. We'll talk at home.
RatKid5: has disconnected.
RatKid1: Kekeke. You heard her. How do we do it?
RatKid2: I don't know anything about militia tactics. I'm off to attend to other matters.
RatKid2: has disconnected.
RatKid3: Ahh, you're so dead. Lol.
RatKid4: lol.
RatKid7: lol.
RatKid8: lol.
RatKid10: lol.
RatKid6: lol.
RatKid1: Fuck you all.