("Now what trouble has the rat kid gotten himself into?") - I think, looking at the two goblins I just helped.
Even I can distinguish between potential allies and a problem that could become much bigger. I don't need them to get stronger and then come back as… I don't know, the goblin god of war variant. I've seen that cliché.
["Well, faggot, I have a few questions. Make sure you answer the rat kid,"] —I say as I reach for one of my precious new axes, which is still buried in the dead ugly's head.
["Um?"]
But when I try to pull it out, the goblin's body comes up with it. I guess it's stuck.
Swish-swish!
I shake the axe, but the body doesn't come off.
["You son of a bitch, why are you more of a pain in the ass dead than alive?"] —I complain as I use my leg to step on the corpse and pull with my arm.
Crack!
Finally, the body separates from the axe, although it made a rather ugly noise. Even in death, the son of a bitch is disgusting.
[[[[HIIICKKK!]]]] """GICKKK?"""
The girls and the goblins whimper for some reason. Well, it doesn't matter.
["Now, explain why those guys were following you and how a weakling like you thought you could face them or even escape from them."]
I say as I shake the axe to clean the blood off. But instead of an answer, I just get the other goblin to drop the hoe in fear and hug his friend. Now they're both looking at me with terror and tears in their eyes. For some reason, this isn't the kind of despair I'm looking for.
[[[[YOU MORON, YOU'RE SCARING THEM!]]]] ["GYAAAA!"]
I scream in aching pain as Carla and the girls push me aside. Damn it, do you remember I was badly injured a few hours ago? Even if I already told you about the rati-evolution, I still feel wronged. The rat kid suffers.
["Don't be scared, the bad man won't hurt you."] ["I was the one who saved your asses!"] ["Yeah, yeah, we saw you."] ["Go play over there."]
You daughters of bitches.
["Don't get too comfortable with those monsters. Do you remember what I told you about them? My journal?"]
The girls flinch at my words but then exchange glances between the tearful goblins and me.
["Obviously, you're wrong."] [[[YEAH!]]]
Damn them.
["Besides, they're not bad. If they were, you wouldn't have helped them, right?"]
Tsk. Damn bitch, she knows the rat kid too well. She's like a Louise, but without such a pretty ass… Although she's not bad at all and has better boobs.
["Can you stop devouring me with your eyes?"] ["I refuse."] ["Tsk."]
I'm the rat kid.
Back to the topic, are these things really goblins? Not only are they being docile with the girls; I don't feel any sense of danger from them either.
But, is it because they're not dangerous, or because they don't pose a danger to me right now?
No, think objectively. The journal isn't 100% reliable. After all, it's just a compilation of records and theories. Are there rational goblins? Is this a well-crafted trap with some fantasy ability?
In the first place, are they really goblins? Looking closely, they're not that similar to the ones I killed.
Their skin looks smooth, the tone is different, they're smaller—a meter at most—and their ears are slightly smaller and more rounded. Even that beer belly is nonexistent. But they do have those horizontal eyes.
["Ummm… Well, forget it,"] – the rat kid can discuss it with the Network later.
As for the future of these guys, as long as they don't bother me, I don't care.
[[[[I knew he'd get bored quickly.]]]]
I'm the rat kid.
.........
["Time to go,"] —I say as I finish packing the things I might need into a suitcase. It's a bit heavy, but in the worst-case scenario, I'll just leave it behind.
["We're ready."]
I turn at the sound of Ana's voice. The first thing that comes into view is version 2.0 of "apocalypse schoolgirls," now equipped with potentially deadly tools.
["And now…"] [[[TARAAAAANNNN!]]]
As I was thinking about how to annoy them, the girls make a fanfare and step aside to present the two goblins that were behind them.
Now, instead of rags, they have a small, feminine outfit of what looks like gardener's clothes. They even put blouses on underneath and several bags with straps around them, with knives and other weapons.
One of them even has a large axe on her back, while the other has an improvised spear made with a pipe and a large knife.
["Who changed them?"] —I asked the first and most important question.
[[[[…]]]]
The girls look at me with eyes that say, "Is that what you're going to ask?" But I am not moved.
["No, it's fine. The rat kid understands. New world, new fetishes…"] —I say as I cover my mouth and let a tear fall.
[[[[N-n-n-n-n-n-n, IT'S NOT LIKE THAT!]]]]
It took them a while, but they finally understand the implications of my words and panic.
["Even the rat kid dreams of an interspecies orgy. I'm not going to judge you… it's just that… well, goblins? No, it's fine, there are odor fetishists."]
[[[[I'M TELLING YOU, NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!]]]]
Kekekeke. Suffer, bitches.
["THEY'RE GIRLS, LOOK, GIRLS! WE EVEN WASHED THEM A LITTLE WITH WET WIPES!"]
[[[YES, YES, YES, YES!]]]
The girls, in a panic, pick up the goblins and bring them close to my face, trying to get me to verify.
["No, really… Wait, girls? Goblins have girls?"] —I wanted to keep teasing them, but at the new evidence, I couldn't help but ask.
["Huh? …well… yeah?"] [[[…]]]
The girls also regain their composure and end up with the same doubt as me. We all look at the goblins, who have confused expressions in Jennifer and Sophie's arms.
Anyway, the important thing now.
["I understand… Even batting for the other team is fine. The rat kid doesn't judge. Now I understand how you resisted throwing yourselves into my arms all those times in the detention office."]
Now it all makes sense.
[[[[NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!]]]]
............…..
[[[[…]]]]
In the middle of my walk, I turn my head to meet the girls' eyes, but I only get an uncomfortable silence.
Somehow, I feel like I've lived something similar before.
["Why are they coming?"]
I finally ask, after my fifth verification turn and noticing that the goblins are still with us.
["You can't,"] —Jennifer said instantly, hugging the goblins; the rest of the girls formed a barricade.
["The rat kid didn't say anything."]
["But you thought it."]
That I did. Better yet, don't read my mind… or on second thought?
["How can you be so cruel? Can't you see how fragile they are? It's impossible for them to survive without us,"] —she said, bringing the goblins close to my face before pulling them away again and hugging them.
["The rat kid didn't say anything."]
[[[But you thought it.]]]
That I did.
I look at the goblins hidden behind the girls. I don't know if they understand our language or not, but they're giving me puppy-dog eyes. Did the girls teach them that?
["The rat kid doesn't think we're going to a particularly safe place. To say they're better off with us is a bit of an understatement."]
I test the waters just in case, but the girls just hug them tighter.
Better yet, is it okay for you to crush the unconscious cat like that? I think its fur is turning purple.
["Whatever,"] —I finally say and continue on.
[[[[Yaaaaay!]]]]
The girls celebrate behind me. This is a picnic for you, isn't it?
............
JOURNAL ENTRY NO: 075 (Full Revision) SCIENTIFIC NAME: Homo silvanus borealis
REGIONAL ALIASES:
Norse and Germanic Folklore: Goblin, The Scourge of the Forest
Inquisition Records: Daemonium silva (Demon of the forest)
The Network's Nickname: The Defilers NICKNAME (ASTRAD): The Cancer of the Forest
📊 THREAT ASSESSMENT CLASSIFICATION: VENATOR / TERRITORIALIS Their conduct is that of a hunter that operates in hordes within its pestilent territory. But their hunt is not just for sustenance; it is to inflict suffering. They do not seek survival; they seek the eradication of everything that is not them, defiling and destroying with an almost religious fervor.
DANGER LEVEL: ORANGE (2 stars) 2 Orange stars. Individually, they are weak and cowardly, but their danger is never individual. A horde, operating with their savage cunning and with no rules of engagement, can dismantle a veteran squad. They don't fight to win; they fight to make your defeat as painful and humiliating as possible.
AGGRESSIVENESS LEVEL: RELENTLESS Their aggressiveness is that of a plague. Once they have fixed on a target—a shelter, a caravan, a farm—their assault is incessant and cruel. They do not accept surrender; they do not take prisoners mercifully. Their attack only ends when the target has been wiped off the map and its memory desecrated.
🧬 COMBAT FILE (TL;DR) TYPE: Humanoid AFFINITY: Earth / Shadow
🎯 PRIMARY WEAKNESSES (Theoretical): Bottleneck tactics (limit their numerical superiority), Fire (instinctive panic), Psychological warfare (they cannot stand organized and brutal resistance).
📌 KEY STRENGTHS: Overwhelming numerical superiority, Barbaric cunning (sadistic traps), Guerrilla warfare, Superhuman tolerance to pain (uncertain).
📚 ORIGINS AND COMPARATIVE MYTHOLOGY The Anthropological Debate: There are two main theories, and I lean towards the more terrifying one.
Theory 1 (The Optimistic): They were an isolated human subspecies, whose customs seemed savage to us, and we demonized them out of ignorance. An academic and, in my opinion, dangerously naive view.
Theory 2 (The Realistic): They are a genuinely monstrous and parasitic race. They do not build, only destroy. They do not create, only corrupt. Historical records, from the Norse sagas to the archives of the Inquisition, do not describe a misunderstood tribe, but a plague whose cruelty (torture, ritual desecration, forced breeding) was so extreme that it justified their hunt to near extinction. It wasn't a genocide; it was an act of pest control.
Gamer Culture: They are the definition of an "always hostile" faction. There are no side quests, no diplomacy. Their only dialogue is a guttural war cry just before they try to burn down your village.
Astrad's Analysis: Their total incompatibility with any other form of intelligent life suggests that Theory 2 is correct. You can't reason with a cancer; you can only cut it out.
My basis? There is not a single story, "NOT A SINGLE ONE," that relates them to anything other than a plague among the different cultures, races, kingdoms, and religions throughout history, at least not the known ones.
📝 DETAILED ANALYSIS PHYSICAL AND SENSORY DESCRIPTION: A humanoid of short stature and gaunt build, but with surprising strength and endurance. Its skin has a sallow tone, often hidden under layers of dirt, dried blood, and greenish camouflage pigments. They move hunched over, with an erratic, predatory agility. Their eyes are small, black, and shine with a malicious intelligence. Their most distinctive feature is their sound: a mixture of clicks, growls, and a sibilant, unpleasant laugh they emit during their assaults. They smell of damp earth, rancid meat, and a primordial fear.
BEHAVIOR AND ECOLOGY: They are a horde species that infests cave systems, ruins, and deep forests, which they turn into death traps and slaughterhouses. Their society seems to be based on brute force and a shared cruelty. Their raids are not just for resources; they are acts of terrorism. They burn what they cannot carry, poison water sources, and enjoy desecrating the symbols and bodies of their victims. Historical reports and fragments of legends are consistent on one point: their treatment of prisoners is of an unimaginable brutality, designed to break the spirit of their enemies.
☣️ PROTOCOLS RECOMMENDED ENCOUNTER PROTOCOL: DO: Maintain extreme distance. Fortify any perimeter. Use fire as the primary barrier. If combat is unavoidable, total and rapid annihilation is the only viable strategy. Leave no survivors who could alert the horde. DON'T: NEVER SHOW MERCY. Do not attempt to negotiate or reason. Do not underestimate their capacity for cruelty. NEVER ALLOW ANYONE TO BE CAPTURED ALIVE.
FIELD REPORT (Translated fragment from a colonist's diary in Vinland, circa 1005 AD): "...they didn't just take the grain. They burned the palisade. They poisoned the well with the remains of our dog. And Astrid... the screams... There are no words in any language for what they did to her before her life was extinguished. They are not men. They are not beasts. They are the wrath of a forgotten and cruel god. We will burn this forest to the ground. It is the only way."
🎤 ASTRAD'S NOTES (THE ONLY SHIT THAT MATTERS): Forget all that politically correct shit about "points of view." There are some things in this universe that are, plain and simple, monsters. And these bastards won first prize. They are not the misunderstood version from video games. They are the 'Goblin Slayer' version: an intelligent plague whose only culture is violence and desecration.
People wonder why the humans of old hunted them until they were wiped off almost every map. It wasn't because of racism or ignorance. It was because after finding your village burned, your water poisoned, and your family turned into a fucking trophy, you realize that there's no room in the world for both of you. It's not a war; it's a disinfection.
There is no morality here. There is no dialogue. If you see one, there are more. And if you see a horde, you're not in a fantasy adventure. You're on the menu. And they won't even have the decency to kill you quickly.
................