"You can choose a power, a special ability, or a bloodline limit, as they are called in the world you're going to," he explains.
He pauses for a second, almost solemn. "Basically, you can choose anything… but don't forget: every ability has its advantages, its drawbacks, its parameters… and its way of functioning. Some details are physical, others biological, or even social."
He raises his hand to illustrate his point. "For example: if you choose a kekkei genkai, say the Byakugan… you will inevitably have white eyes, a blind spot in your field of vision, you will automatically be a Hyūga — so born in Konoha, and you will at least partially inherit their physical appearance."
"Ah, okay…" I nod, a bit impressed. So that's why he talks about power/form. It's literal.
But he hasn't finished.
"Or," he continues, piquing my curiosity, "you can choose the power of a character from another fiction."
He lets me digest the info, then adds: "In that case, you will be free from the geographical, clan, or genetic obligations tied to the Naruto universe. No assigned family, no mandatory village of origin. You will only have the power."
But of course, there's a but.
"In exchange… you will automatically inherit the character's appearance."
He crosses his arms.
"Unless you possess — or later acquire — a metamorphosis power. In any case, you will also carry some of their basic parameters."
Then he takes a long breath, as if he just finished a super dense instruction manual in a single sentence.
"Mhmm mm mmm," I say, lost in thought.
So, if I choose Superman, I'll have incredible strength and speed, laser vision, the ability to fly, X-ray vision… but I'll be allergic to a green rock, and I'll look like the Clark Kent from the cartoon.
Nope. Not Superman.
"Anyway, he's not available."
Okay, at least that settles it.
And if I take a kekkei genkai, like the Sharingan? I'd have the tomoe eyes, maybe even the Mangekyō Sharingan, which would be super useful.
The only problem is, the Uchiha clan suffered massive genocide, and they tend to be hunted by pedophile snakes — seriously, not exactly a winning life plan.
So, Sharingan is out too.
That's a lot of choices to manage.
But I think I'll go with something from the second option, and I know exactly what.
A stylish, useful, powerful ability. And a really beautiful, cute, practical body.
"I want Rimuru Tempest."
I finally say, with a mix of impatience and apprehension in my voice, ecstatic to be my favorite manga character in my favorite manga.
"Very well." He resumes his calm gesture, typing in the void as if commanding the universe.
"But what form will I have?" I ask, a bit puzzled.
"Don't worry, your form will be as you imagine: that young man with long blue hair." He almost smiles.
Then his tone changes, more serious. "However… I must warn you, your form will be exactly that. You will have nothing down there. You will be sexless."
I blink for a moment.
"Ah… that's fine with me." I answer calmly.
I wasn't necessarily expecting that, but it doesn't bother me. I've never been particularly attached to my sex — not that the other one appeals more, I'm a boy, that's certain. But what's between my legs doesn't fundamentally matter to me. If I have to change to gain this kind of ability, so be it.
You rarely evolve without giving up a part of yourself, without sacrificing something.
And if I have to sacrifice the ability to pee standing up in exchange for a "kekkei genkai" that amazing, believe me, I'm ready to cut it off myself.
"Not necessary, we wi—"
"Metaphorical," I interrupt.
And then, as a slime, I'm a natural shapeshifter. I can change form whenever I want; it doesn't bother me.
I could be anything I want the second I feel like it.
Not to mention the body is rather canon.
"All right, it's settled. As for your powers, I give you Predator."
He pauses, then adds: "And this Predator will be more complicated than the one you knew in your anime. Less powerful, more technical and… painful."
I frown. "More complicated? How?"
"Well, you won't be able to use this power for storage anymore. Only the ingestion ability remains active."
He pauses, then details: "Ingestion means you can absorb forms, bloodline limits, knowledge, techniques, etc. A portion of the person's chakra will be added to yours."
He looks me straight in the eyes. "But it will be painful. Very, very painful."
I frown, slightly worried. "How painful?"
He hesitates for a moment.
"It depends. If you swallow a thirteen-year-old kid..."
Clearly God is Catholic.
Mother church ain't beating the allegations
"Ahhh"
I then scream as i feel like all of the flames of hell were put on my body, before the sensation evaporate. As fast as it appeared.
"I can read your mind... dumbass."
"Stop screwing me."
God says with a grim smile, before snapping his fingers, the pain leaving at the exact time when his two fingers made the sound.
"Soooooo, as i said..." He then continue, as if he didn't just baked me for a little joke.
"If you swallow a thirteen-year-old kid, non-shinobi, with little experience and minimal chakra or jutsu, it won't be as painful as swallowing a jinchūriki and their tailed beast."
He continues, making sure I understand the nuance: "And consuming normal animals is easier than humans."
He shrugs casually. "The rest, you'll discover yourself."
"So, basically, I lose most of the abilities of the form I chose."
I summarize sharply, slightly irritated. It was sold as an ultimate power… now it's starting to look like a 14-day trial version.
God stays silent for a moment. Then he gives me a look.
Not anger. Rather… the kind of look a bored teacher gives a student who just said a huge stupid thing.
And then his voice snaps. Casual. Cold. "If you prefer, I can change my mind, cancel everything… and kindly send you to join Lucifer."
I immediately shake my head, a bead of imaginary sweat on my nonexistent forehead.
"No need to elaborate."
"I thought so." God gives a small smile, apparently amused.
Then he resumes, calmer. "Of all the universes I've seen… this ability is one of the most powerful. Or 'OP,' as you humans so elegantly say."
He crosses his arms. "It's too powerful for me to give you without limits."
He leans slightly, looking serious. "Even in this nerfed version, Predator remains one of the most powerful, most broken abilities this world has ever known."
He counts on his fingers: "It will just… be more painful. Learned abilities will be weaker and slower. Powers and chakra taken from the individual will be less complete. And it will be harder to master."
Then he looks at me again.
"But you remain a shapeshifter with a bloodline limit few can match. You want 'OP'? You have it, at your fingertips. It just has to be earned… through sweat."
…
"Fair enough."
I accept once his explanation is finished, resigned… but not bitter. After all, I don't really have a choice. And I find his arguments convincing.
If I had the full powers of Tensei Shitara Slime Datta Ken, I'd barely be six years old and already have half the world at my feet. Sliding effortlessly through waves of enemies, dancing with Madara Uchiha between Rasenshurikens hurled by Naruto and Sasuke, who would be nothing more than mosquitoes to me.
Clearly: it would be cheat in HD.
It's true that would not be fair, Limule, or Rimuru, as they call it in the original version, is way too powerful.
So yes. This nerf is justified.
I nod calmly, without hesitation: "I see. It's handicapped, but fair. I'll choose it anyway."
God lets out a small sigh, maybe relieved this chapter is closed.
"All right, it's done."
His tone is strangely joyful, almost enthusiastic.
"Now, before your reincarnation, there's still the choice of your birthplace… and its time period."
--------------------------------------------------
Hmm, place and time...
Alright, first, the time period:
First, the Warring States Era? No: Too chaotic.
No, really not the era of the legendary fighters. Absolutely not.
Ending up at twelve years old dodging a Hashirama sprouting a forest with a snap of his fingers, or a Madara throwing meteors while riding a giant fox? No thanks.
First and Second Great Ninja Wars?
Also no.
I don't really know them, so just in case.Too unstable, too little information. Too many deaths for too little context.
...
And the "canon" era?The Naruto era? Absolutely not.
I'd rather be older than the "rookie 9" generation, to at least have a chance against those two prophecy-chosen ones — the little prodigies destined to save the world, guided by fate and divine plot armor.
If I'm younger or the same age as them, I'm doomed to be a background character with broken ambitions after the very first team meeting.
So I cut to the chase, decisively:
"I'll take the pre-canon era. Same age as Itachi Uchiha, please."
Best compromise.
Young enough to benefit from the academy system before it turned into a daycare, but old enough not to be overshadowed by Naruto and Sasuke.Bridging the Third Great Ninja War to learn faster and better shinobi arts, instead of doing four years of studies only to end up with almost no basic skills at age twelve.And with a bit of luck, the Third Great War will serve as my training ground — a skill accelerator rather than a death sentence.
Because seriously, three basic jutsus at twelve after four years of academy?Henge, bunshin, kawarimi? Thanks, peace. But me, I'm aiming higher.
Now, the village.
Kiri?
No. Definitely not.
My power, Predator, is literally like a kekkei genkai in how it works. And guess what Kiri was doing at the time?Oh right: the bloodline purges. I'd get my throat slit in an alley before even learning how to properly form a hand seal.
I'd be purged before I could say "ouch."And on top of that, constant civil wars and coups every two days — hard pass.
And that's not even mentioning the genin exams involving killing your classmates as soon as you enter the academy. Even with a broken power, I'm not exactly eager to gut my only childhood friend for a promotion.
Yeah, I know, I'm a softie.
So no. Too unstable. Too bloody. Too... Kiri.
Kumo:
Also no.Even worse… in a certain way.
If I remember correctly, those guys kidnap people from rare clans to bring them to Kumo and "integrate" those clans into their village.
So, over there, as soon as they smell a rare kekkei genkai or hereditary power, there's a good chance they won't train you.Instead, they'll put you in a breeding chamber.
For life. If even half the fanfics and theories I've seen are right, my fate would be to pump out kids for science, like a baby factory, until I die of exhaustion.
Why am I already thinking about "pumping out" kids? I'm the guy here! Well… not really...
Anyway, no thanks. I may not currently have a sex, but even so, the idea alone hurts to think about.
Suna:
Two words: Rasa and Gaara. Absolutely not.
Bastard #1 seals a demon inside his own kid and drives him insane.Bastard #2, a kid who could disintegrate me in my sleep because he had a bad dream. Nope. Definitely not. Suna is the kind of village where even the children are unstable weapons.
And then there's the desert...
Though, maybe I could try becoming friends with Gaara...
...
Though, I just realized something...
...
I just realized something fundamental...
...
I actually don't give a damn about that guy.
Really.
It's nothing personal. It's just that the idea of spending years patiently, stressfully, having Naruto-style inner monologues to win the friendship of an ultra-traumatized, potentially unstable kid with a psychopathic chakra beast in his gut?
And we're not even talking about the bonus feature — a 50/50 chance that "Kazekage-sama" discreetly offs me in some hallway, just so Gaara feels even more isolated. All to make his son even more psycho.
Nice parenting, Rasa.
I never understood his plan in the original story.
Honestly, the base plan is fascinatingly stupid.
Because no matter how many excuses you give me — telling me you want a super-powerful weapon and blah blah blah — this plan is completely idiotic.
You want a super-powerful weapon? Then why are you torturing its host since birth? You want him to be loyal, stable, functional?
No. You want him to explode at any moment and reduce your stability and manpower by killing anyone who pisses him off? Which happens almost every time someone crosses his path. Bravo! Objective achieved.
And yet, Suna still exists. I'm almost impressed.
No, really, I'm amazed every day that this village hasn't been obliterated by Gaara.
...
Konoha:
Tempting. It's the village of heroes.
And the most powerful.
But I'd rather avoid it.
It may seem all cute and cozy — ramen, little smiles, flowers, birds, candy-colored everything — but don't forget the dark side: Orochimaru, Danzō, Root.
Born with a gift? Congrats, you just won a ticket to a life of experimentation or indoctrination. At best, you become an emotionless machine. At worst, you end up in a jar, half-dissected, while Orochimaru takes notes and chuckles. So no. I may love ramen, but I value my physical and mental integrity.
And, well, losing my virginity at five and becoming a test subject because of a suspiciously-inclined snake? Very hard pass.
Yeah, Pedo Snake... no thank you, I'm gonna pass
...
Iwa?
Hmm. Not bad, actually, kind of tempting.
There's Deidara.
...I mean the jutsus — explosions, living sculptures, clay bombs, katsu, all that. I don't have a weird kink for mouths in hands. Not at all. I'm perfectly normal.
...
Ok, I am just maybe a little bit… curious.
And, to be fair: they have a real visual ninjutsu culture over there.
And it doesn't seem too fanatical, nor obsessed with human experimentation. Not too sectarian, no guts-on-the-table autopsies — already pretty good compared to some.
But… Third Great Ninja War, we're the losers.
So, if I remember correctly, being reborn there give a big chance to be sliced by a strange guy on a toad, his disciple as fast as the flash, the disciple of his disciple, who is already a killing machine at 5 years old. And a sea of other strange people I would never want to meet on a battlefield, from the guy in green pants to the guys with the x ray vision.
Not really attractif to me.
Also, I don't know much about this place — it's barely explored in the manga, books, or anime.
Let's be honest: I know nothing about Iwa. They must have appeared like three times in the whole anime, with a total screen time and development equivalent to Tenten.
Tenten!
That tells you how forgettable they are.
Oh, and it's ugly.
Might seem trivial, but it counts. Their buildings look like concrete blocks thrown around by the worst architect in the world. Looks like the castle drawings of a six-year-old. Even Suna's sand houses are more welcoming.
...
Ok, maybe that point isn't so important.
...
So… what to choose
...
Unless…
I smile inwardly at the idea, then straighten up in my imaginary astral body, almost proud of my discovery.
"I'll take Takigakure."
I declare, after long, careful, meticulous consideration.
It's a good choice: not too many problems before getting strong, not too many kekkei genkai predators, and a small village.
Even if the jutsu repertoire I learn there will be smaller than in a big village, it will still be significant with the ongoing war.
A good compromise. A very good compromise, actually.
No random purges of kekkei genkai carriers.No orphanages turned into human experiment labs.No military dictatorship disguised as ninja democracy.No lecherous snakes on the horizon. That's already perfect.
And above all, no old mummy named Danzō lurking in the basements looking for arms to graft or young prodigies to kill for who-knows-what reason.
Small village, hidden in the forest, not big enough to attract attention… but not too insignificant to be boring. Discreet, flexible, and above all: free.
No fake-friendly system like Konoha.No purges like Kiri.No kekkei genkai farming like Kumo.
Small village, discreet, hidden in the forest like a secret too convenient to be real. Not powerful enough to draw the big guys, not weak enough to be ignored.
Their jutsu repertoire is smaller, true. But in the middle of the Third Great Ninja War, even the smallest villages have to bring their best arsenal. I'll learn. Fast.
Takigakure is a blank slate, or almost.
Bonus: the technique of…
of…
...yes, that one technique they have…
uh… the… the one with…
…water?
And the one with…
Threads? Yes, threads. Like chakra cables, or iron vines…
Well, I forgot the names. But it was stylish.
So it's decided.
Takigakure. My starting point.
"Very well, born in Takigakure, thirteen years before the main plot," God mutters, returning to tap on an invisible surface with his hand.
"Now, the last step," God declares, his voice rising slightly, as if to mark the end of this long interview.
I remain silent. A little breathless—metaphorically—after everything we've just gone through. Power, form, place, time… everything has been decided.
What could possibly be left?
I tell myself he's going to drop another clause, a little "oh by the way" with consequences as light as a shuriken in the eye.
But instead, he looks at me. A piercing gaze, almost… compassionate?
Then he suddenly lets it out, like it's obvious:
"What you know… will vanish."
I stare at him, surprised.
He raises a hand, palm toward the sky. A soft, flickering light dances there.
"It's the price to pay."
"The price?" I repeat, a little disoriented.
He nods slowly.
"Precise memories—names, events, deaths, intrigues, betrayals—all of that, I will take it. You won't carry it with you."
I stay there, silent, thoughtful.
He continues, in a calm, almost gentle tone:
"You'll keep the basics. Chakra. Villages. Jutsu. A few names, if I deem them important for your situation. But the rest… disappears."
He raises a finger, as if reciting an immutable law.
"You want a life? A real one? Then you have to write it yourself. Also, it's the price to pay for reincarnation, especially if you choose your own birthplace and year, and assign yourself a body and powers from an entirely different world."
"We're in the afterlife. You think we're where? At your mother's house ?"
Damn
"Not even, as she don't like you either. Not that I can't understand her."
Go f...
No.
He still can...
"Read your mind." God finish as tap his hand on the desk
"So... you accept ? Of course you do."
I blink. Or at least I think I do. Strange to still have bodily reflexes when you no longer really have a body.
And I nod.
I understand. It makes sense.
It's fair.
It's… necessary.
God smiles. Not mocking. Not proud. Just… nothing.
"At least you are quick about it."
Then his tone becomes cold again, brisk:
"Now go, I have a lot to do and you've taken up precious time.""Come on, get lost."
And without another word, a force rips me away, swallows me into the void.
My mind slides, stretches, tears.
I feel nothing. No weight. No temperature. No gravity.
Just silence.
Nothingness.
And then… one last sound. The divine voice. Echoing in the void, grating with irony.
"Ah, by the way… sorry about that."
"But I clearly had neither the desire nor the time to search among Taki's populace to give you a credible parent. And even less to write a whole cute little fictional genealogy with family history and all that."
I sense trouble. I don't respond. Not that I could; my mouth doesn't exist. My tongue doesn't exist.
Nothing of my body exists.
"So I took someone known. A name that floats around. A local figure. Nothing really important... and nothing to worry about, don't stress."
A pause. Then, with a hint of a chuckle in his voice:
"It might therefore be a bit complicated for you. For reasons totally beyond my control."
…
I feel the trap coming.
"You might hold a grudge… but honestly?"
…
I see it coming. Like a shuriken in the back.
"I don't give a damn shit about what you think of me."
"Soooo, goodbye... and try to be liked by a least one person in your second life... loser"
And on those celestial words of dubious professionalism, the void opens wide. And I fall.
Just one thought in my head, as my being is suspended in the emptiness, falling into nothing, the void.
Damn. What a day.