I couldn't fall asleep that night, I kept trembling and shaking. It felt like the whole room was spinning. My mind was troubled, and my heart ached with pain. I wondered what Miss Cathy said to Jessy. Was she planning on sending me away? Was I going to be left alone again? Would I never find peace?
As I thought about these things, my mind drifted back to the time when Miss Cathy took me in…..
I was alone on the streets, sitting in tattered clothes, begging for alms. I had no one to turn to, nowhere to call home. I watched as everyone passed by me, shaking their heads in pity and sharing their meals. Some spat in it and gave it to me. I didn't mind; I didn't have a choice. I was starving, so I had to manage with what I could get.
I watched parents holding their kids, embracing them, showering love on them, and buying them things. I watched in agony and pain. I tried moving close to them, but they kicked me away. Why wouldn't they? I was filthy, dirty, and no one wanted anything to do with me. I had no friends; my life was a mess.
What I would give to have my parents holding me in their arms, singing sweet songs in my ear, spending quality time with me, and giving me the attention I needed. But I didn't get any of that. All I heard were screams and shouts; all I saw were bloodstains and injuries.
The only comfort I had was my blanket. I wrapped myself in it anytime I felt scared, hoping and wishing that everything would stabilize. But my wishes didn't come through.
December 8th, 2017, the preparations for Christmas were in motion. People were trooping in and out of stores and malls, buying clothes for the festive period. Kids were holding onto their parents, dashing through the snow, playing, and laughing out loud. I watched them; everyone passed by, but no one seemed to notice me. I was invisible to them; to them, I was dead.
The day drew to a close, a day where I didn't have anything to eat. I staggered as I searched for a place to rest my head. The weather was cold; I could hardly breathe. My clothes couldn't keep me warm; they were torn on every side. I was literally naked, shaking and trembling in the cold. My body was frail, and it felt like I was giving up the ghost.
I fell down on my face; I couldn't walk any longer. I rolled over to the trash bin at the end of the street. My body was lifeless; it felt like I was dying. Then, I heard this voice in my head: "End it. End your life. There's no more meaning to it. You're worthless. Just die and live peacefully in the afterlife," I thought. I wondered where the voice came from - was it from within me? The voice was persistent, repeating the same words, and I couldn't resist. Strength came from nowhere, and I started hitting my head on the floor with force. I did it continuously, and slowly, blood started dripping out from my forehead. I didn't stop; the voice kept urging me to continue, and I obeyed. I felt energetic; the sight of blood gave me peace.
As I was about to go for the last hit that was sure to end my life, a hand stopped me. The hand slowly pulled me up. I wondered if I had died, if it was an angel that pulled me into the sky. Was I already in heaven? These thoughts flowed through my mind as my body slowly but steadily left the floor.
"Who noticed me? Who cares for me?" These thoughts flowed through my mind as my eyes closed. By the time I woke up, I found Miss Cathy by my side. She looked worried and had a look of pity and love - something I had never seen in any other person's eyes. She had already bandaged my wound and carefully stroked my hair, singing songs that gave me inner peace.
Miss Cathy caressed me and petted me back to slumber. As I awoke the second time, I felt refreshed. My clothes were changed, and this time, not only Miss Cathy was around me but also the others - Kaitlyn, Ronnie, Josephine, Ramley, and Jessy.
Josephine came close to me and said, "Hey there, my name's Josephine. What's your name?" I couldn't reply; everything felt strange. Was she really asking what my name was? I was stuck for words, I asked myself, "How did I arrive at this point?" as I looked each and every one of them in the eye. Josephine was persistent; she asked again, "What's your name? Can't you speak?"
Miss Cathy smiled and gently pulled Josephine back. "Easy, dear," she said, her voice calm and gentle. "She's tired. I'm sure when she eats and regains herself, she'll answer you." Josephine smiled and nodded in agreement.
Miss Cathy then sat beside me and said, "Dear, don't worry. We're all here for you. You don't have to be afraid anymore. This is your new home."
Ever since then, I've always been loved and cared for. However, for some reason, I still heard that voice within me, and I still felt lonely. I still dreamed about the years I spent in my home, and I still heard the cries and screams. I still saw the bloodstains on the floor and walls, and I still felt like my life had no meaning.
But what really troubled me now was whether Miss Cathy was going to send me away. Was I going back to the streets? As I pondered these things, I slowly drifted into sleep. Josephine's arms were around me; she hadn't left my room after what had happened earlier. I turned my neck and looked at her, smiled, and then fell asleep.