Morning came too soon it seemed for my liking. I wanted to crawl back into the safety of my bed. The fear of what was coming seemed to weaken my soul. I breathed as I bathed and dressed again and was not sure what awaited me as I opened the door.
Comforter appeared in armour and that made my soul abandon my flesh. I was not sure why Comforter was wearing gilded armour. The room was transformed to my childhood home.
I gulped seeing my mother again and there I was. I was heading out to swim and my mother said, "Rune, make sure you come back from the beach soon." Her mother's kind voice asked.
I nodded and skipped out, I disobeyed and was out swimming longer than usual. I lost track of moments like most children. She ended up leaving the house while cooking to summon me for the morning meal.
I then saw the kitchen go into flames again, as I walked to the house stoop and a beam had fallen on her. "Mother! Mother!" My small voice screamed.
I saw my younger self in the fire with my mom. I picked my younger self up and took him out of the house. I held my tears on myself and was not sure what to do.
My mother and my younger self said nothing to me. I was not sure what to do next.
Tears were hitting my white robes and I was crying on him. This is exactly how my mother died. What was the point of this trial? Was it made for me to suffer?
I screamed as the adult and my younger self screamed. I had blocked this cruel event from my memory. Why was the Author of Life bringing it to the forefront of my mind?
I wanted to run back to my room but there was no way back. I could not find the door. I was trapped in this memory with no way out! I saw Comforter in the corner and I pushed the Nim against the wall.
I was so broken and so angry and I could hear my cross mocking me again. I was sweating and my breath was shallow. I could not move, I wanted this moment to end but the memory was on repeat until I made a choice of something but the pain made it impossible.
I gulped air in my dried out body. I pounded on my chest. I was not sure what I needed but I had to move beyond the wretchedness of this moment.
Angry tears succumbed from pain I had coffined for many years and this guttural sound of agony echoed off the walls. The even kept replaying and replaying and it would not stop until I did something drastic.
I realized that love was planted inside of my heart after several hours of pain and agony. I realized that love was bigger than any pain or memory. The love of the cross covered everything.
I broke to my knees asking the Author of Life to forgive me for being late, for going out too long, for causing my mother to die.
"Author of Life forgive me for murder!" I cried as hot tears spilled over my face. I was running out of air. Exhaustion was eating my soul.
I collapsed on the ground. Then before I knew the words that would spill out of the pit of my soul, I said something that rather shocked me.
"I forgive you Rune." I softly said as I grabbed my younger self and hugged him so tightly I felt like I could not let go, I wanted to hold him forever and never leave him.
I walked over to the corpse of my mother. "I am so sorry, about being late, I never meant for you to die." I sobbed and sobbed and I am not sure how long I laid on the floor but as some point, Comforter had removed their armour and picked me up and carried me to bed.
I stayed in that bed for a very long time and the training stopped until The Realm could see that my soul had fully recovered. My soul needed to heal and food and drink were left in my room but the trials stopped until they decided I was ready to move on. I was not sure if I could ever move on.
After some days I finally opened my door. However, when I opened the door there was nothing there to test my mettle. Just Comforter standing there smiling at me, the Nim asked me to follow and in this room that glistened with glass and ivory she showed me a glimpse into Paradise.
There was my mother playing with the Author of Life, and there were children encircling her feet.
I stood and watched tiny tears spilled from the corner of my eyes. I longed to tell her I love her, but there simply was no way for her to hear me.
I stood there in the room and just watched in silence. I wanted to linger but I knew that she was not lingering for me. She was in a place of perfection not in pain and sorrow and I left her there in perfect peace, that image replaced the pain of me seeing her on the floor breathing her last breath.
I walked out of the room and cried alone in the comfort of my own bed. Wondering what other things would rise to help me be the warrior they needed.