I was scrolling through my phone when i found a clip that sent me to a memory lane. It brought me to the first time i was inspired to be interested in exploring parts of my life other than school.
During that time, i started getting mixed with a different kind of group, and smoothly i indulged with them in a environment that usually any parent would tell their child to stay away from.
Ever since then every day was an experience, i thought that i was living my best life, i loved the freedom, but at the same time i felt like i wasn't going anywhere, a feeling deep inside was seeking guidance, maybe giving up on some of my freedom is necessary in exchange for finding a purpose.
I tried some jobs on the low, i tried to pick the ones that would cause the lowest risk to me, it would help me keeping me busy along side with school, so i kept working until it became a routine and i was starting to get sick of it.
So one day i caused trouble in purpose and shake my perfect image a little to my boss, so i can get his attention and make him notice me, it was a great technique i could be useful and at the same time i could have some fun.
Even though i enjoyed my life and i was popular in school, i felt like i was getting so much things to control, and i wasn't the type to put matters into my own hands, i still couldn't find a purpose to look forward to.
The closest thing to acheive what i wanted was from a classmate for a very short time, during elementary school... She was too good to hang out with the rest of us, nevertheless I enjoyed just seeing her once or having a small talk with her.
It was a short period but it opened my eyes on what kind of person i wanted to be, something I would later seek from Inna.
I can't describe how frustrating it was to go back being around only the old friend group, continuing your mixed memories with them... I was being dropped back in that group.
Things could've been better no doubt, but i was enjoying my time with the friends that i had, i never tried to bully or act high on anyone, i was being respectful to everyone, at the end of the day we were all the same.
....
So I started searching for my friend Runa, all i knew was that she moved to a better suited school for her. I was hoping that i would ran into her eventually.
I remembered that Haime once met her at a bookstore after school hours, so with little faith i went to that block and the moment i arrived at the bookstore i catched her.
She was even prettier than when i last saw her, she looked way more mature, but still having that cute baby face, i couldn't stop my excitement, i remember picturing her with a crown over her head at that moment.
My plan was to run into her, and then start the conversation from there, so i started thinking of a way to carry that scenario. Some way that she would run into me Inevitably.
When she finally got close i noticed that she was holding a Mieko Kawakami novel, i slowly twisted my head towards her as she was doing it too, and our eyes eventually met each other.
"Ah, hey Runa long time no see, how you've been..."
Me and Runa exchanged greetings, we were having a nice conversation, but slowly i started to notice that she didn't want to keep talking which made me wrap up the conversation asking for her ChatID.
As dry as the conversation was, i was sure by having that contact she would loosen her up to finally be my friend.
But while i was daydreaming about hanging out with Runa, she probably didn't want anything to do with me, because our energies in the chat were obviously imbalanced, long chats from my end to short text on her end, it was obvious.
.....
Times moves on, with that incident bottled up inside of me, waiting for a trigger to bring it out, i did my best to not repeat those actions but that alone couldn't drive those feelings away.
Now I'm being in a rivalry with another girl trying to steal away my tutor, my fixer, someone who i look up to, someone very dear to me.
I tried to remember some of my mistakes.
Back then with what happened with Runa, i weren't very honest with myself and with her, which led to me being treated like a fraud, and now it seems like that scenario is about to be repeated.
My dishonesty and lifestyle is taking away a potential escape and a road to finally getting my life together, and sending me back to ground zero.
While i was immersed in those thoughts, i started to think about Anna for a bit, realizing how mad she is about Inna, she was a very nasty player... Could i just accept defeat that easily!
"Well... NO."
Anna might show a more devotion than i do, she has feelings for Inna, they had history together, she got a lot of bad stuff on me that helps her keep me under threat, it wasn't looking good for me.
To add more to it, she made ai generated videos of me in disgusting forms doing nasty stuff, all to break me and push me even further, that's the type of person she was.
I had no experience with this type of personality before.
This was all new to me, which means if i wanted to win, i need to learn how to deal with her, and not hiding from my problems anymore. I need to put what I've learned from Inna to motion.
....
After the last session when i was kidnapped, the weekend was approaching, which means i had a good amount of days to act before the next meeting.
I decided that hiding our relationship is the main reason that got me to this point, so i decided to be up front with her whole family, and confess that i want to keep befriending her, even if i had to beg a little.
It was a big responsibility, i never done something this complicated before, which shows growth and how mature i am starting to get all thanks to Inna.
But first i had to meet Haime because of a small tour we do around downtown every weekend after my job. No no no, this will not take long i promise...
The sun was set, it was basically night time, i walked back and took Haime to the station, there's no i would go to Inna and do my plan at this hour, the whole thing just ended before it even started.
I was overwhelmed with loser energy a over my body.
In the midst of my defeated thoughts, while i was walking on quiet neighborhood, i noticed a very familiar face, the split bangs could've fooled me but i was sure i was thinking of the right person.
She turned around and my eyes were widening and my heart stopped beating for a second.
"Oh, Ruby right?, how are you doing."
"Heyy... Runa."
...................