A cold morning still embracing the drifting remaining snow from last night across the streets it lit with solemn rays, the leaves of these streets trees were holding to the frail snowflakes as if protecting them from the sun kissing their branches. Yet even amidst that snowy wintry picture, a portal of a distant spring draping this earth with elegance and beauty opened in front of my eyes, flowing directly into my soul. I could see sakura petals, pertaining to the gone by springs and blowing from the future ones, storming vividly in an ethereal dance. Without control over my body, I extended my hand to catch a petal, but it was far beyond my reach. It only graced that figure's air, as if flowering to an oath made for his heart solely, as if vowing their unyielding loyalty to the blade of his sword alone.
Casting a long shadow behind him, rooting into the earth every step he took with confidence and dominance, his footsteps and the traces he left were surely never to be erased. The man took a head band out of his long sleeve and wrapped it around his forehead as he moved his raven – black hair away, but his long bangs still dared disobey his intention and fell in front of the headband framing his face perfectly, while his long ponytails cascaded down his back like an ink spilling the most poetic verses of elegance and beauty.
That man had also come out of the headquarters, but he headed in the opposite direction to where I was standing with the other two captains of the tenth and first units, and he did not spare a second to look around and check his surroundings, and I thought to myself that his intuition must be as sturdy as his walk and spirit.
Blood rushed to my face and I felt hot all of a sudden, had the summer come this early cutting off this dreadful winter? I was nineteen – year old that year, but my heart was acting and bouncing like an immature teenager, even my hand followed suit, grasping at my chest to prevent that rebellious organ from bursting out. The two men exchanged knowing glances then roared in laughter clutching their bellies.
I had totally forgot about the other two men I was standing with, swept from my earthly connections by that charming vision of petals suiting every season. Realizing the shameless state I was in, and the idiotic display I had just amused two stranger men by, I covered my head with my hands ready to run away, swearing never to come or show my face in these regions ever again.
"It is totally understandable Kikyo – Chan… your reaction is quite mild compared to others… take my word for it!!"
Harada – san remarked trying to soothe me, completely failing as laughter interrupted every syllable he tried breathlessly to pronounce. My mind was still fuzzing over what happened when a warm whisper ticked my ear.
"Kikyo – chan, Do you know who that man is?"
Still going on about him? I sighed in frustration but could not stop myself from leaning toward Okita – san to hear the answer.
"He is our vice commander, Hijikata Toshizo."
The enchantment, the admiration, the surging crush, all vanished immediately like a wave crashing against a ledge. Awe and fear claimed these fleeting emotions place with the same quickness they had emerged with.
"The demon vice commander?"
The man who doesn't hesitate to kill anybody with one strike?"
My whole body was shaking uncontrollably as the many stories about that man and his wild sword that did not hesitate to kill anybody with a single strike stormed my mid; all of Kyoto stood witness to his strength and violence, many suffered under that cruel merciless blade. When Okita - san noticed my shaky state, he added with an amused grin as if he was relaying a funny joke.
"Perhaps that man would not have hesitated to over throw your head if he had seen you with us… who knows… you were lucky this time, but who can foretell if you luck will be as protective as today…"
I put my hands on my necks checking that it was still in its right place. Harada - san laughed calming me down:
"You're exaggerating Okita - san! Our vice commander isn't a monster, only in missions. Beside, don't forget that women were the ones who used to write him love letters back in Edo!"
I wasn't surprised to hear this. The man who appeared in front of my eyes could be described without any embellishments with the same words people always described him with "Like an actor in his elegance and allure".
After this, I apologized to the two men for keeping them from their work and Harada - san left after thanking me again for the token of gratitude, I bowed to Okita – san as I had to search for new job as well to which he replied:
"Be careful out there, Kiyko – Chan, these are turbulent times."
This time, his words were not meant for teasing or frightening me of the man we had just encountered. They rang with a sincere concern, like a big brother looking after his idiot sister, or so I thought, until his cold fingers brushed against my lips once more, delicately and softly, wiping away with his hand the remaining sweets still smeared on my mouth.
"You're really a cute little girl!"
The captain of the first Shinsingumi squad turned and went inside the headquarters. I knew I had to leave promptly too, being associated with these men was not safe or sane to say the least but my eyes kept staring at him the whole time until he disappeared inside from my eyesight. Though chilly and too uncomfortable for the touch, I traced what remained of the vernal scent they left on my lips, inhaling it like a calming talisman to my troubled heart.
*****
After another long absence, my father returned from his work travel at last. My first thought was to shut the door in his face because he didn't write me any letters but as always, he could easily guess my intentions and started apologizing and expressing his regret over his busy schedule and not shying away from admitting how much he had missed me and thought of me every day. The repeated scene across many months of separation always ended in the same way, I let him in, my heart aching for the embrace we always shared after his return. Despite all his misgivings, I knew father was doing all what he could to offer us food and a dignified way of living, though failing most of the time. I also knew and could no longer bother myself over the fact when it came to his work as a poor merchant, his entire world stopped revolving in his mind except to the matters related to his trade as a clothes merchant.
But this time was different, in his absence I was that lonely though merely for the past two days, I had met two wonderful men who dispelled the melancholy growing inside my heart.