I was a serial killer. A monster who killed for pleasure and excitation. There's no elegant way to put it… Necrophilia, cannibalism, rape… How do you even begin to explain something like that?
The sight of exposed entrails, warm blood, lifeless bodies… it gave me erections. It wasn't just desire—it was something deeper, twisted. It was wrong.
And I knew it. I was fully aware, but when you're already a monster, morality becomes an unnecessary luxury. You can't just hope for redemption.
I didn't even fully understand why I became what I was. Maybe it was my parents' fault… though I never entirely blamed them. In my mind, they were still my heroes.
War veterans. Men hardened by violence, convinced that abuse, confinement, beatings, insults, alcoholism, and drugs were valid ways to raise a kid. Even so… I always loved them.
I was completely alone by fourteen… and yet, I cried when they died. I didn't feel hatred or resentment, none of that logical thirst for revenge others might expect. They were my world, scars and all.
My life was a wreck. At school, I got beaten up for my looks. I was attractive, smart, but long hair and a different vibe were enough to make you a target. I'm not saying I didn't know how to defend myself. Truth is, I didn't want to. I was terrified. I convinced myself I was weak… and that made me a coward.
When I lost my parents… something in me broke. I got aggressive, but not physically. It was erratic behavior, an unstoppable spiral. I started doing drugs, drinking endlessly, smoking like a fiend… losing control.
I was disgusting. Literally. I'll just tell you one thing… I got arrested once, masturbating in front of a hotel, high out of my mind, out in the open. Pathetic.
But when I turned seventeen… everything changed. My mind was already rotten, and that night—the night I lost my virginity—was the final straw. That was the night I… became a monster, forever.
"Are you sure this is okay?" she said, completely naked in front of me, spreading her legs.
"Relax… it's my first time too. And, in part, I'm also nervous." I lied. And I… I was far from sane. Drugs and alcohol aren't exactly friends of a clear mind.
She was a classmate. We'd been drinking too much with some friends, and in the end, I invited her to crash at my place.
The sex started normal, almost innocent… but it escalated. Fast. Violent. She didn't stop me. She played along, while I kept getting higher. She was enjoying it, until I lost it completely.
I started choking her, like it was a game, some perverse joke. I was out of my mind. I didn't even feel her hitting me to break free.
And then… she stopped.
I slapped her, squeezed her cheeks, shook her. Panic started creeping in, subtle at first… then overwhelming. But… the erection was still there. I toyed with her body as fear consumed me.
"Hey… get up…" I whispered, lying on top of her. I took her hand, slid it down my back, as if she were still alive. I laughed. "Come on! That's enough!"
I kissed her, pretending she was breathing. Her skin grew colder by the minute. Then I pulled away. I looked at her. Reality hit. And the disgust, the fear, the guilt… it all crashed into me at once.
"Fuuuuck!" I screamed, throwing things, clawing at my head, desperate. I went back to the body. "Hey, get up. Don't screw with me. Don't do this to me…"
I was crying… but still aroused.
The best idea I could come up with was to hide the body in the house. I lived alone, so I didn't have to worry about witnesses.
Days later, some friends came asking about her. I was the last one who saw her. I was nervous, sure, but I knew how to lie: I said she left in the morning after we hooked up.
I got away with it… for a while. But I was scared. That same night, I dismembered the body. Buried it in the backyard. I wanted to feel like she was still there. Still… with me. It tormented me, of course, but I had to accept it. I couldn't tell anyone. I was a coward. I was terrified of going to prison.
Three years passed before the second victim. Over time, I moved to a new city. Changed my appearance to seduce more easily. I met people, a boss… who paid me to sleep with women and kill them. I got tangled up in shady business. The body count grew. And then… I had to run.
One night, I brought a woman to my apartment. But she noticed the smell. The stench of decomposing bodies. The entrails. The heads in the fridge.
I tried to stop her, but I never thought a lamp would be enough to take me down. I heard her scream, "Help! He's a damn psycho!"
I ran. I bolted like never before, my mind racing, looking for a hideout.
I ended up at a cabin in the woods. But soon the food ran out, and I had to hit the convenience store. I didn't expect to see a "WANTED" poster with my face on it.
I wasn't completely freaked out. I had glasses, a hoodie, a mask. But the bastard at the counter recognized me. He called the cops. I did the only thing I could: I ran.
I made the riskiest decision: leave Korea.
I couldn't use my accounts—they'd track me. So I gathered all the cash I had and bought a ticket.
At the airport… no one recognized me. Luck? Fate?
I boarded the plane. Waited for takeoff, jittery, paranoid… but no one stopped me.
Still, life had one final twist in store.
The plane hit a storm. Turbulence. I looked out the window: the engine was on fire. Chaos erupted. Screams, panic. Flight attendants trying to control the uncontrollable.
And me… I didn't feel fear. Just acceptance.
I had no one to say goodbye to. No one would cry for me. No one would even know I died.
At that moment, a light descended from the sky, tearing off the front of the plane along with the people inside. And then I saw the ground… far too close to me.
How many had I killed? Forty-two? Maybe that was the exact number… The same as my age. A strange coincidence, right?
I blinked once… and the ground was already in front of me, brushing against me like a final warning. I looked down, as if I could guess where I was being sent.
I felt a fraction of the impact… and died.
---
Honestly, I thought I'd wake up in heaven… or at least somewhere filled with angels. Even hell would've been acceptable. But it was neither.
It was absolute darkness.
I had no senses. I couldn't move. No emotions either. In that moment, I… was a void.
Until a thick, gray smoke began to form right in front of me. It twisted aimlessly, rippling as if searching for an identity.
And then, suddenly… it began to take shape.
"You damn son of a bitch! I told you not to touch it, you piece of shit!" It was my mother. She was wielding a belt while I cowered on the floor, crying.
"I'm sorry… I'm sorry…" That pain was real. It burned fiercely, as if my skin were about to tear apart.
The smoke shuddered, transforming again.
"You little shit! What did you hear!? Answer me!" Now it was my father, slamming a bat down on my back.
I remember… I was spying on him through the door while he talked to someone.
"I'm sorry… I'm sorry…" I was on the floor, barely holding myself up with my arms. If I collapsed completely, the beating would be worse.
The smoke twisted again… this time, striking a weak spot.
"I love you, Ha-Neul." It was her. My first victim. Hana.
"Why? I'm disgusting… You shouldn't…" I, drunk and high, couldn't comprehend her words. I couldn't accept them. I wasn't normal.
"You're not disgusting… I'm sure if you cleaned yourself up, you'd look pretty handsome." She smiled.
It was then, in the midst of so much darkness, that I felt something grip my chest… as if I finally had a tangible body.
All the memories of my past life came rushing back. Pain. Sadness. Rage. Loyalty. Guilt. Sickness… humanity. Most were images that, honestly, weren't worth revisiting.
The smoke stirred once more. This time, it formed an arch… a door, with a bright light on the other side.
What's happening? I finally managed to think. And that light pulled me in, flooding me with a blinding white that soon turned orange… then red.
"Hah… hah… Nnngh!" A gasp… a push, echoing in my ears. I didn't know who was making the sound, but I felt my body being dragged.
"Come on, Erika, hold on!" someone shouted. Their voice came through muffled, as if I were submerged in water.
My legs felt incredibly light, as if the rest of me were trapped… and only my feet could breathe.
"Damn it! The baby's coming out breech! Call Mrs. Floiyo now!" another voice shouted, clearer this time.
What… what did they just say?
"Nnngh!"
"Hold on, sweetheart, Mrs. Floiyo's on her way!"
It seemed like someone was trying to calm another person. I wanted to move, but I felt too confined.
And then… everything went silent.
"Waaah! Waaah! Ueeeh!" A sharp, raspy cry, as if the world itself were breathing for the first time. My chest vibrated. The air filled me.
What's happening?
"Haaah…" An exhalation.
"Uff… Uff…" And someone else trying to catch their breath, as if their lungs had been emptied. "Congratulations! It's a beautiful boy. He came out with complications, but he's healthy…"
A what?
"Damn… I thought we were going to lose both of them…" I could now make out the voice. A man.
"Thank you…" And a woman, exhausted, on the verge of collapse.
My vision was clearing. I felt less constricted… and realized someone was holding me.
Yellow. Almost golden. That was the first color I saw. Then, blue. And finally, an angelic face. Covered only in some rags, sweaty, with that golden hair from before clinging to her forehead. She was panting, drained.
She brought her face close to mine. I tried to pull back but couldn't. Her nose brushed against mine… and despite the sweat, her scent felt… warm. Very… maternal.
"My baby…" the woman whispered.
Then, from her right, a man appeared. Dark hair. Gray eyes…
Gray eyes? Wait. What the hell is with that chiseled physique? And that suit…? Aren't we a bit too fancy? Haha… just kidding… I think.
Though, in truth, his suit was a bit too elegant.
"Hey… baby." He smiled. He was handsome. I'll admit it.
"They look so… much like you both," an older woman's voice broke in. I turned instinctively and, to my surprise, felt myself move. I could see my own body.
And then it hit me.
What…? I thought, staring at that tiny, naked, wrinkled body attached to my head. Me…? Have I been reborn?
"Haha… I can't believe it… To think he was a little surprise. Aren't you, my little twins?"
What?
I didn't have time to process it.
They turned me again, and as I looked forward… I saw her. Another baby. A newborn girl, with blonde hair and gray eyes.
The perfect blend of the two adults I'd just seen… or rather, I should say: our parents.
Something clicked the moment we locked eyes.
"Have you already decided on their names?" the old woman asked, her voice worn by years. The girl and I turned, looking at the wrinkled woman with gray hair, dressed in clothes that… definitely didn't belong in the 21st century.
"Yes… Lucius and Isolde," the woman said, smiling at both of us.
The girl reached out her hand toward me, and I, driven by instinct, did the same. Our hands intertwined, and I felt something in my chest.
Sibling instinct? Protection? I thought. And then she smiled.
"It's a bit odd, though. Even though they're twins, they're quite different. Lucius has Elias's dark hair but my blue eyes. Isolde has my blonde hair but Elias's gray eyes."
The man had called her Erika, right? So… my parents are Erika and Elias… Definitely not Korean names. But wait… did they just spoil my new appearance? That's absolutely unforgivable… Though, since it was my mom who said it, I'll let it slide.
"There were some complications because of the second baby. Born upside down, so you lost a lot of blood, Miss Erika. You should rest," a man informed from the other side of the room.
Isolde and I turned our heads curiously.
A doctor…? Is he a doctor? No… his coat doesn't look like a doctor's. What year is this? Everything looks so… old-fashioned, I thought. Honestly, though, I wasn't in any condition to come up with complex theories.
I'd just been born. Complaining was pointless.
"It's okay… I'll rest. But first, I want them to get a better look at each other."
Get a better look? Come on… I've already seen her perfectly.
Isolde was staring at me intensely.
Do I have something on my face or what? Maybe blood. But you're just as messy. It's not like you're all that clean. Did you get reborn too?
She smiled again and reached out her hand once more.
No way. You are too stupid.
"They seem like they'll be quite close," the old woman commented.
"Do you think so? They haven't interacted much so far. Lucius seems a bit… uncomfortable."
It's not that, Mom. I'm just trying to get used to not wobbling while figuring out how the hell this happened.
"Well, the most dynamic duos are the closest ones. So far, each responds to the other's actions. Like now: Isolde moves her hands, and Lucius reacts."
That's not true… I thought. But when I looked at my hand, intertwined with Isolde's again, I sighed inwardly. Okay… fine.
"Like me and Erika, don't you think?" the man—Dad—said, watching us play with our hands.
"I think… what you two have is more true love than just an effective dynamic," the old woman replied, approaching us with a gentle smile.
Isolde reacted first: she grabbed the woman's nose tightly. Without thinking, I started pulling at her cheeks.
I laughed.
With all those wrinkles, it looks like her skin's about to fall off. What? No! Ha-Neul, respect your elders. No… now I need to call myself Lucius.
"Darling, do you think they'll be prodigies too?" Mom asked, watching as Isolde tugged at my face with her tiny strength. It hurt… but I had to endure it.
"Maybe. Don't worry… I'm sure they'll be true geniuses," Dad replied.
Of course. Obviously, I am.
And suddenly, my neck fell back…
Huh? What's happening? Lucius, move…
I couldn't move. What the hell is going on?
Is this what they mean by needing to support a baby's head because they can't control their neck yet? Oh, come on…
"We'd better take them to rest… I'll take a nap too."
"Alright…"
Our bodies were lifted. Isolde was carried by one man, and I was being taken away from her. At that exact moment, we both started crying loudly in unison.
"Ueeeh! Ueeeh!" The cries burst out like a primal instinct, so intense that the doctors froze in their tracks.
Isolde reached out her hand toward me. I did the same. We waved them desperately, as if the distance were tearing us apart.
The doctors, somewhat confused, brought us closer together. And, without thinking, we smiled. But the moment they separated us again…
"Ueeeh! Ueeeh!"
"It seems… we'll have to give them some special treatment," the old woman murmured, looking at us tenderly. I was passed to the other doctor's arms, next to Isolde…
"Hahaha…" Dad laughed nervously.
Why was I crying…? It was so… sudden. It seems like… she and I will be… inseparable.
Isolde smiled at me.
And I… smiled back.