Kaelen's POV
I sat in the war room, but the maps in front of me blurred.
The candlelight flickered like it pitied me.
I wasn't thinking about strategy. I wasn't thinking about the border. I wasn't even thinking about the Queen's growing suspicion.
All I could think about... was her.
Nernia's voice. Nernia's eyes when I told her I couldn't love her. The way she flinched like I'd driven a blade straight through her chest.
And I had.
Gods, what had I done?
I slammed my fists against the table, the sound echoing off the stone walls like judgment. Like the ghosts of everyone I'd lost were laughing at me.
You did it again, Kaelen.
You hurt the only person who made you feel alive.
Tears blurred my vision, and this time, I didn't stop them.
I buried my face in my hands, letting the grief break through me like a dam. I had spent years building walls so high, even I couldn't see over them.
Then she came along—wild, sharp, brave—and cracked every stone with a single smile.
And now?
Now I'd shattered her.
I didn't even cry when my sister died. I didn't cry when I buried my best friend.
But I cried for her.
For the way her voice shook when she said "You don't get to decide that."
For how easily I let my fear win.
My heart ached like it had taken a blade straight through the center, and no amount of armor could dull it.
I whispered her name like a prayer. "Nernia."
I wanted to run after her. To grab her shoulders and say, I'm sorry. I was wrong. I love you and I'm drowning without you.
But what if I destroyed her in the process?
What if she loved me back—and it cost her everything?
I wiped my face with a trembling hand, but the tears kept falling. Quiet and relentless.
No battle had ever undone me like this.
And yet, this pain… it meant I was alive.
Because love wasn't supposed to be easy. It was raw. Messy. Dangerous.
I just didn't know if I was strong enough to survive it.
But gods… I didn't know how to live without her either.