Kaelen's POV
I couldn't sleep. Not after what I said. Not after the way I left her standing in that corridor with all that pain in her eyes.
Nernia was fire and fury and everything I shouldn't want—but did. Gods, I did.
I told myself I needed space. That staying away would make it easier. But all I could see was her. Hear her voice echoing in my head. "You'd rather push me away."
She was right.
But she didn't know why.
By dawn, I couldn't take it anymore.
I found her in the garden, where the early light painted her face in gold. She sat by the fountain, back straight, like she knew I was coming and was already bracing for a war.
"Nernia," I said.
She didn't turn. "Did the Queen call for me again?"
I winced. "Don't."
Now she looked at me. Her eyes were sharp, guarded. "Then say what you came to say and leave."
I stepped closer, hands clenched at my sides. "I need you to understand something."
"You already made it clear. You can't afford to feel anything for me," she said bitterly.
I exhaled, slow and heavy. "It's not because I don't want to. It's because if I do... if I let myself fall completely, I won't survive losing you."
She frowned. "What are you talking about?"
"You don't understand the kind of life I've led. The weight I carry. Everyone I've ever cared for—everyone—has been taken from me. My mother. My sister. My closest friend. Gone. Dead because of choices I made or people I trusted."
Nernia stood slowly, her voice quieter now. "Kaelen..."
"I live every day knowing I'm cursed to destroy everything I love. So yes, I want you. Gods, I want you more than I've ever wanted anything. But wanting you means risking you."
She stepped forward. "You think pushing me away will protect me?"
"I know it will," I whispered.
Her eyes glistened. "You don't get to decide that. I'm not someone you protect from the shadows."
My chest cracked open at the way she looked at me—not with pity, but with rage and heartbreak. "You're not broken, Kaelen. You're just scared."
"I am," I admitted. "Terrified."
Silence settled between us. The kind of silence that says more than words ever could.
Then she shook her head and turned away. "If you won't let yourself love me, then stop chasing me."
I swallowed hard. "I don't know how."
She didn't respond.
This time, I watched her walk away.
And it broke me more than it should have.