I nervously looked at the lock, I had never been at his home without him actually being there except from when he was drunk, though I had been alone for a while and I ate the food , at least he had been there till morning but ...this was different , he hadn't been at home at all since the other day, I wasn't coming here for just a meal, eventhough I didn't want to admit it , I wanted to feel the warmth I had always felt when I was with him, though shameless , I wanted to feel that warmth through his home. I looked at the numbers still considering what I should do, it was not like anyone was forcing me , I could easily turn back and leave but...., I nervously typed in his passcode, each number felt like a ticking time bomb , just like at any moment it could explode, though I was deliberately inputing the number as slow as I could , I couldn't possibly escape that soft clicking that the door made which signified that it was open, I stood there , relying on myself to turn back , depending on my legs to walk back to my home but instead I just walked in.
His home was clean as always and though he wasn't around I could smell sweets and a fruity scent , the blinds were still shut and as usual just one light was switched on. The ambiance of his home contrasted evenly of both cold and warm , the texture, furniture and painting was an elegant charcoal gray ,the neatly placed vase in the middle of the wooden dining table made it feel warm, this was Denvers home.
I looked at the freezer , he said I should take the soup from his fridge, I will just warm it at home and return the bowl later , I opened his fridge and saw it, a bowl of pumpkin soup, the thickness and the fact that it was frozen solid made it not to move , it will be hard to defrost , I closed the fridge as I prepared to leave but then .....I heard the sound of a door opening, my eyes quickly darted to the side door and I saw it slowly open , my eyes widened with fear and I...whether consciously or unconsciously took a step back clutching an ice cold bowl close to my chest. I thought no one was home , or could it be..., the door finally opened and there he was , drapped in a robe , the rope was tied loosely to the side , almost sliding off from the left side of his shoulder as he cleaned his hair with a towel, droplets of water cascading from his neck to his collarbone as he roughly cleaned his hair, a good portion of his chest and engraved lines which travelled down from his abdomen and disappeared beneath that robe , as he cleaned his hair, most of it got to the front of his face and it was very assumable that he couldn't see me , but.....this half naked man who stood infront of me and had not noticed my presence, I know I shouldn't but my eyes began to look at his body , every part of him looked like it had been sculpted by the hands of God , I wondered if I could write it in literary terms , how would the existence of Denver be written as ?.
" Oh....Rhea?, hearing his voice , almost a mixture of shock and awkwardness, my eyes widened with the baffling realization that Denver had just caught me staring at him , I quickly averted my gaze , I was embarrassed, I didn't know whether it was the fact that I had just been caught staring at his body like a pervert or was it because I even dared to stare , I felt a certain heat flush through both of my cheeks , this was uncomfortable, silence seemed to stretch between us making it more akward, I should leave , " I.....I will just get going ....", I stammered like an idiot as I attempted to rush to his door but..., I felt his hand hold my arm gently and at that moment we both didn't move , he was probably wondering why he had grabbed me .
" Stay...., let's have breakfast together ....", Denver didn't sound like himself , his tone held a certain weight that I couldn't decipher, I slowly turned back and saw he had already adjusted his robe , his rope tight and his shoulders covered , he sighed softly as he let go of my arm almost relunctantly and then he turned back, " or...let me just warm it up for you, i will just go change ", and with that he had disappeared to his room, his voice still had that rawness and emotion that I couldnt yell what he was thinking .
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Denver and I stood as we both watched the once frozen pumpkin soup slowly melt under low heat , we had not talked since he changed to his cloth, a plain black t-shirt and black jeans , I merely wore an oversized shirt that was a little below my knee, normally Denver was the one who spoke but he was oddly quiet and for some reason it was uncomfortable, I needed to find anything else to do , I looked over at the bowl where the pumpkin soup had previously been , it was still on the sink , he was warming the soup for me , I should wash the bowl , I went off to the sink where the bowl was , I wondered what he was thinking about that made him so quiet , I looked at him as I quietly observed him , I rarely saw him these days , what gave him away being home was the loud beeping of a door lock in the middle of the night, his hair had grown longer reaching the crevices of the nape of his neck and some strands fell freely at the corner of his face , he must be too busy to trim them , his eyes looked heavy , a mixture of frustration and exhaustion as evident, I suddenly felt guilty , he worried about me yet I never worried about him, I always thought he was doing fine , it always came to the fact that despite your deepest liking into something , at the end of the day you will still be exhausted because....we were only humans.
At that moment Denver turned sharply to my direction , I was startled , it was unexpected and it caught me off guard, in the midst of my confusion my hand hit the faucet and it switched on wetting the sleeves of my shirt, " darn it.....", I muttered as I attempted to fold in my sleeve but then ..., i felt his presence and his hand gently curved around my wrist, I looked up af him , my body very close to his , barely any distance between us and a shaky tension I couldn't decipher , though I looked at him , he just looked at my sleeve with full on concentration as he gently folded it in , his fingers slightly brushing against my wrist and for a reason I knew I felt my stomach literally flip over , after which he gently dropped my hand to my side , whatever move he just made and our close contact made me nervous for some reason, I cleared my throat awkwardly as I turned back to the bowl in the sink , I grabbed unto the sponge and soap , his presence quietly overbearing but still warmly tolerable.
I wanted to ask him what was weighing him down, how he was handling it?, I had almost forgotten that Denver could also get exhausted , he listened to my problems , I have cried on his shoulder and leaned on him, he had always been considerate , " I'm sorry that I came in early...hah....I should have texted you or something , we just had some clients who booked the resturant...", he was saying sorry for something that wasn't his fault , i felt my hand grip the sponge tighter , why was I suddenly angry at him , why did he have to explain something that wasn't in his control, why was he apologising to me?.
I turned around ...., I should say something, it's not like... we are anything special , he didn't have to say sorry and didn't have to explain anything, " Denver...", I felt him close in and I felt myself move more to a space that didnt exist, he cornered me , I wasn't startled instead I just..., " Denver...", before I knew it Denver slowly bent over , our eyes met for a few seconds before his face was buried at the nape of my neck, I felt the warmth and the softness of his lips barely touching my skin, and ....I was confused, disoriented , maybe even flustered as a familiar ticklish warmth spread through my body, what was he doing?. " Denver...what are you doing?, i asked as i felt him snuggle more to my neck , his hands gripping the edge of the sink thereby caging me ...., his warm breath fanned against my neck and i felt my heart beat faster, that fluttering feeling finally enveloping me, " forgive me if I crossed the line..., let me just lean here for a while...or are you nervous?", I clenched my fist at my side, he was too close, I hesitantly shook my head and it's not like I hated how close we were, I felt as he slowly remove his head from my shoulder, the weight was quickly pulled away and then his face was close to mine, I saw his eyes move from my gaze like he didn't want to look at them , a wistful glaze clouded his eyes and it occurred to me that most times he looked at me he normally had that look, what was he thinking?, what was he feeling?, I couldn't tell and I was afraid to ask.
He leaned in closer,his eyes not on mine, " are you uncomfortable?", he asked somewhat softly as he looked at me gently , it was like he was observing me , waiting for what I would do, I looked at his eyes , then to his nose and then I slowly scrolled down to his lips, how could a man....be this beautiful, he felt almost untouchable, like standing near him was a sin, I was curious , I wanted to touch him, his hair which was growing out at the side, I wanted to intertwine my fingers between the strands of his hair, I was curious of how it would feel between my fingers , would it be as silky as how it looked . I had already made up my mind , I was going to touch it, but...as soon as I had made that choice, he pulled away and gave me this look of sadness before he returned back to the almost burnt pumpkin soup and just like that...it ended. My almost hidden hand that had attempted to break free from its shackles quietly closed and the room was once again quiet.