Subtitle: Real Estate, Revenge, and Ridiculously Bad Timing
Scene: Kodi scrolling on his phone in a hot tub made from a decommissioned missile silo.
He's sipping champagne, watching a bored billionaire influencer sell an island on a livestream.
Influencer (on stream):
"Pristine beaches. Zero extradition treaties. Only 442 million. Buy now or be basic forever."
Kodi (grinning):
"That's exactly how much Evan made off the Netflix deal... fate's got a punchline."
NUKE (peeking over his sunglasses):
"You're not seriously going to—"
Kodi (already clicking):
"Oh, I'm dead serious. And I'm buying it in Evan's name."
Cut to: Confirmation screen flashing —📲 "Congratulations, EVAN STORMCLOUD is now the legal owner of Isla Petty."
NUKE (flatly):
"You're gonna give that man an ulcer."
Cut to: Evan in L.A.Wearing a robe, sipping oat milk, about to buy a 20-bedroom smart mansion in the Hollywood Hills.
Realtor:
"Just need your card to finalize the offer."
Evan (smiling):
"No problem. I'm liquid like soup."
He swipes.
Terminal:
❌ DECLINED"Insufficient funds: Account drained for offshore island real estate purchase."
Evan (squinting at the receipt):
"WHAT is an 'Isla Petty Development Fee'?!"
Cut to: His phone buzzes.📲 From: Kodi
"Surprise! You're a land baron now. We're calling it 'Passive-Aggressiva.' Also, I ordered you a custom throne made of unpaid parking tickets. 💋"
Evan (screaming into the California sun):
"I just wanted an infinity pool and maybe a stable relationship!"
Cut to: Lucia, watching Evan's meltdown on TikTok.
Lucia (smirking as she sips a green juice):
"Finally, he gets humbled. I feel… moisturized."
Phone buzzes again:📲 From: IRS
"We noticed you own a tropical island now. Please submit your volcano insurance paperwork."
Meanwhile, back on Isla Petty...
Kodi, sitting in a hammock with NUKE and three genetically modified flamingos.
Kodi:
"This was the best use of Netflix money since Tiger King."
NUKE (sipping a coconut smoothie):
"We're definitely going to hell."
Kodi (tipping his sunglasses down):
"Good. I hear beachfront property's still cheap down there."
Final shot:Evan, now forcibly attending a real estate seminar titled "When Your Friends Buy Islands With Your Money."
Instructor:
"Now, class, who here learned not to let a chaos goblin manage your digital portfolio?"
Evan (hand raised, dead inside):
"Can I get my 442 million back in therapy credits?"