Subtitle: The Netflix Original Nobody Saw Coming (Except Evan)
Scene: Kodi and NUKE on a Tokyo rooftop, city lights sparkling like corrupted blockchain.They're sipping bubble tea with extra chaos. They both chuckle—for once, a moment of calm in their storm of memes, scams, and digital warfare.
Kodi (pointing at his phone):
"Hey, you see this? Evan just made 442 million."
NUKE (half-chokes on boba):
"What?! Off of what—his anxiety and my trauma?"
Kodi:
"Nah, he sold the rights to our story. Netflix original. Working title: 'Ctrl + Alt + Destroy'."
NUKE:
"That sounds illegal."
Kodi:
"Relax. He got legal immunity from the government in exchange for exclusive behind-the-scenes commentary."
Cut to:
Evan, in a studio. He's freshly groomed, dressed like Steve Jobs on casual Friday.A Netflix producer is adjusting his mic.
Producer:
"Can you say the tagline again? But this time with more… emotional breakdown."
Evan (deep breath, then dramatically):
"I didn't mean to hack the Pentagon. I just wanted a raise and maybe a hug."
Cut to: Evan reading his official government-clearing statement on live national TV.
Evan (clearing throat):
"To the United Nations, Interpol, the IRS, and my mother: I'd like to state that I am no longer a threat to global cybersecurity.I just followed a guy with a 3-trillion-dollar bounty and got emotionally blackmailed into building a bunker server farm with toaster parts.Please remove me from all No-Fly Lists. Also, hi Lucia—sorry about the stock crash. No hard feelings?"
Cut to: Kodi holding a popcorn bowl shaped like a skull.
Kodi (grinning ear to ear):
"He really sold the whole saga? Including the time I tried to mint an NFT of your birth certificate?"
NUKE:
"Even the Eden kill code. He called it 'The GodSeed Incident' and made it a 10-episode arc."
Kodi (laughing so hard he drops the popcorn):
"I told you he had main character syndrome!"
Meanwhile, Lucia watching the trailer in her luxury panic room:It features dramatic music, flashbacks of her crying in a Bugatti, and slow-mo shots of her shouting "I'M GOING TO BLOW UP THE MOON."
Lucia (deadpan):
"Where's my cut?"
Her screen buzzes:
📲 Netflix royalties pending: $0.00
Underneath:"Due to fraudulent IPOs and multiple international sanctions, your payment has been redirected to 'Not Evan Inc.'"
Lucia (screaming into the void):
"I swear on my skincare empire—Evan is DONE."
Cut to: Evan being interviewed by Oprah.
Oprah:
"So, Evan, after surviving two assassination attempts and dating Lucia's assistant… what's next?"
Evan (smiling):
"I'm working on a sequel. Tentative title: How I Accidentally Became the Most Wanted Virgin in Cyber History."
Final shot: Kodi and NUKE watching the Netflix premiere on a rooftop projector, surrounded by hackers and pizza boxes.
NUKE:
"You know… this is kind of nice."
Kodi:
"Yeah. For once, someone else is cleaning up our mess."
NUKE:
"Do we tell Evan the streaming rights were worth double?"
Kodi (smirking):
"Nah. Let the man have his moment. Besides, I just bought Canada."
NUKE:
"…How?"
Kodi:
"Don't ask. Let's watch Episode 3: Lucia Tries To Nuke The Moon."
They fist bump.