Where Evan Tumbles lives up to his name, and Lucia loses billions because he clicked the wrong tab.
Scene: Evan's "secure" apartment, which looks more like a cyber-hoarder's garage sale.Laptops everywhere. Coffee-stained Post-its. A single candle for ambiance. On the whiteboard in red sharpie:
"RULE #1: DO NOT HACK NATO (AGAIN)"RULE #2: STOP CHECKING IF YOU'RE STILL WANTEDRULE #3: DELETE THAT PIC OF KODI IN THE CROC COSTUME
Evan Tumbles (yes, Tumbles, because that's what his life does now) is furiously typing. He's trying to do something simple: re-route a DNS.
What he actually does:Accidentally reroutes $4.2 billion from Lucia's offshore accounts into a NATO budgetary black hole labeled "Tactical Coffee Machine R&D."
Cut to: Lucia, sitting in a glass office in Monaco, sipping espresso made from beans flown in by drone. Her assistant runs in—sweating.
Assistant:
"Uh... Ms. Lucia, we have a situation. The zeros are... gone."
Lucia:
"What do you mean 'gone'? Like emotional zeros or bank zeros?"
Assistant:
"Your entire net worth has been absorbed into NATO's quarterly defense fund. By someone named... Evan Tumbles?"
Lucia (deadpan):
"You mean that poor man Kodi keeps calling his 'emotional goldfish'?"
Cut to: Kodi's burner phone blowing up with 97 missed calls from Lucia.He's too busy sipping bubble tea with NUKE at a beach bar to care.
Kodi:
"You know, Evan's caused more international incidents than I did at 17. I'm honestly proud."
NUKE:
"He's the only guy who could click 'Update Chrome' and accidentally trigger DEFCON 3."
Meanwhile, Evan's still in his apartment—now lit only by laptop glow.
He refreshes the page.His face drains.His name now appears twice on Interpol's Most Wanted:
#16: Cyberterrorism
#17: Economic Collapse of Monaco
Evan:
"Sweet baby rootkit... I just tanked a billionaire. I'm a villain now. Like… actually. I need a cape."
He texts Kodi in full panic:
📲 "Kodi, I accidentally stole Lucia's fortune. Like, all of it. NATO owns her yachts now. I think I broke economics."
Kodi responds instantly:📲 "Evan, my sweet incompetent gremlin, I once sold Canada's nuclear launch codes for Bitcoin. You're fine. Just tell Lucia it was performance art."
Evan (muttering):
"He's going to get me killed. Or knighted. Hard to tell with him."
Cut to: Lucia, with the cold fury of a mother whose crypto wallet was replaced with NATO memes.
She dials a very private line.
"Put me through to the Panama Papers boys. I want Evan erased—from the internet and from kindergarten yearbooks."
Meanwhile, back on the beach:
NUKE:
"Dad, should we help Evan? Or at least warn him Lucia's probably hiring mercenaries who speak in binary?"
Kodi:
"Nah. Builds character. Also, it's kind of funny."
He scrolls and sees Evan's new bounty:
EVAN TUMBLES — $4,000,000Crimes: Digital economic terrorism, NATO tampering, Crimes Against Yacht Ownership
Kodi (laughing so hard he snorts his drink):
"FOUR million? Evan's officially luxury problems. My bounty's still three trillion. Tell him to try harder."
NUKE (grinning):
"What if we fake Evan's death with a deepfake of him riding a dolphin into the sunset?"
Kodi:
"Now that's family."
Final shot: Lucia, standing on a ruined helipad, staring into the night.
"First Kodi. Now Evan. If NUKE so much as breathes on a server, I'm nuking the moon."