Ye Chen sprinted through the tall grass, his breath ragged and heart thundering like a war drum. The cold night air stung his cheeks as he ran, feet slapping the uneven ground with reckless urgency.
"Motherfucker! First a breakup, now I'm being chased by a ghost? What kind of cosmic joke is this?!"
His lungs burned, his legs ached, but he didn't dare stop. The sound behind him something like wind rustling through dry leaves never got louder, yet never quite faded either. He didn't look back. He refused to look back.
Branches clawed at his face as he pushed through a thicket. Finally, after what felt like an eternity, he stumbled into a small clearing. A gnarled tree stood in the center like a silent sentinel. He collapsed against it, gasping for air, sweat soaking through his shirt despite the chill.
Just as he began to catch his breath
"Hey, kid, why the hurry?"
The voice came from right beside his ear.
Ye Chen's soul nearly left his body.
He jolted away, slammed into the tree trunk, and turned with wild eyes. Hovering inches from his face was an old man with long white robes, a flowing beard, and a calm almost amused expression.
"G-Ghost Grandpa! Ancestral Spirit! I swear I've done nothing wrong! Spare me! My flesh is stringy and tastes like rotten tofu!"
The old man threw back his head and laughed heartily. The sound echoed through the clearing like wind chimes in a storm.
"Hahaha! Boy, I'm no ghost. I'm as human as you just a little more... refined."
"Refined my ass! Humans don't float! You're hovering!" Ye Chen jabbed a finger at him. "Are all ghosts this full of crap?"
The old man gave a lazy spin in midair, robes billowing as if caught in an unseen breeze. "I'm a cultivator of the Deva Realm," he said proudly. "I just happened to be passing through this little backwater planet when I sensed... potential."
Ye Chen narrowed his eyes, breathing still uneven. "Deva Realm? What is this, a sci-fi drama? You're an alien?"
"The cosmos teems with life, child. Your Earth is but a speck in the infinite tapestry."
"Yeah, and I'm the Emperor of China," Ye Chen muttered under his breath.
The old man's eyebrow twitched.
"What would I gain from lying?"
"Oh, I dunno... dramatic flair? Random ghost grandpas love popping out to spout destiny crap." Ye Chen edged away carefully. "Why were you chasing me anyway?"
"To confirm a suspicion," the old man said, eyes gleaming.
Before Ye Chen could react, the elder suddenly seized his wrist. The grip was firm immovable, like iron wrapped in velvet.
"Marvelous! Truly marvelous!" the old man exclaimed, eyes glittering with excitement. "To think I'd find an Ancient Body on such a primitive rock the heavens smile upon me!"
Ye Chen blinked. "Ancient what-now?"
"An Ancient Body! A rare physique blessed by the universe. Your cultivation potential is limitless!"
"Yeah, that's great and all, but hard pass," Ye Chen said, yanking his arm back and wiping his wrist like it had been touched by a used sock.
The old man froze mid-chuckle. "...Excuse me?"
"Look, I've seen enough of those fantasy dramas to know where this is going. You want me to sit in a cave for a hundred years eating nothing but air and spiritual moss? No thanks. I'd rather eat glass."
He turned to leave, brushing imaginary dust from his sleeves.
The old man's eye twitched again. This brat just rejected what emperors would slaughter nations to obtain!
With a flash, a gust of wind slammed into the ground in front of Ye Chen, kicking up a wall of dust and blocking his path.
"WAIT!" the old man barked, voice suddenly sharp. "Your body... has a quirk."
Ye Chen raised an eyebrow. "A quirk?"
The old man nodded solemnly. "You possess a rare, unstable overflow of Yang Qi. Without proper control, you'll combust... like an overripe melon left out in the sun."
Ye Chen froze. "Explode?!" He grabbed the old man's robe in panic. "You're serious? Fix it!"
"Mmm..." The old man stroked his beard. "Perhaps if you called me Master..."
Ye Chen's eye twitched. "You're blackmailing me into becoming your disciple?"
"Legacy!" the old man corrected, waving a hand. "I carry three hundred thousand years of knowledge and power, yet no worthy heir... until now."
Ye Chen's mind stalled. Three hundred thousand...?! What was he, the founder of cultivation?
The elder extended a hand. "Kneel and swear fealty, boy. Embrace your destiny."
Ye Chen looked at the hand, then down at his own trembling fingers. Exploding didn't sound fun. After a long sigh, he dropped to one knee, face full of resignation.
"This idiot greets Master."
"HA! Excellent!" The old man cackled, the trees trembling with his laughter.
"Now about that whole exploding thing..." Ye Chen began, cautiously.
"Ah, yes." The old man nodded. "Dual Cultivation."
Ye Chen frowned. "Dual... Wait, you mean sex?!"
"Fool!" The elder thwacked his forehead with a bony finger. "Do not reduce the sacred art to such vulgarity. Without the Nine Celestial Yin Harmonization Technique, your first time will kill you!"
Ye Chen's face drained of color.
"Luckily," the old man smirked, "I happen to "
Before he could finish, a shimmering barrier enveloped them. The ground cracked beneath their feet, and suddenly, they were lifted into the air.
Ye Chen screamed, clutching at nothing as the two of them shot toward the horizon, the elder's voice echoing through the sky:
have it on me!"