I woke up with a weight pressing on my chest.
Not the emotional kind, although that's always there, but something heavier. Real. Physical.
My fingers were numb.
There was a ringing in my ears, like someone was playing white noise directly into my skull. I sat up from the couch too fast, tried to breathe through it, but the walls were swaying.
I hadn't eaten. I hadn't moved. I hadn't spoken to anyone in… how many days?
Two?
Three?
Who cares.
My body did.
I tried to stand.
Bad decision.
My knees gave out halfway to the kitchen.
The last thing i remembered was the cold of the floor against my cheek and the faint sound of a door slamming somewhere in the hallway.
Everything else went black.
—
When i came to, I was in a hospital room.
Sterile. Bright. White.
I blinked slowly, my eyes adjusting to the light above me.
My throat felt dry, and my wrists were cold against the IV taped into my skin.
"Cass."
That voice.
I turned my head, too slowly, and there he was.
Ken.
Sitting beside me.
Looking at me like i was something fragile.
Like i could break at any second.
"You okay?" he asked softly.
I stared at him.
Said nothing.
Because what the hell do you say to someone who still makes your chest feel like it's cracking open, even when you swore you'd already buried that part of yourself?
I looked away.
Back at the ceiling.
He sighed, his hand rubbing the back of his neck like he didn't know what to do with me. Maybe he didn't.
"You fainted," he said, trying again. "Someone heard something fall. Good thing the door wasn't locked."
Good thing.
I could've died and no one would've known for days.
Not that i cared.
"Your blood sugar dropped," he continued. "You need to eat. You've been skipping meals."
Still, I said nothing.
But i turned to face him.
That was enough, I guess.
He leaned forward, resting his arms on the side of the bed. His voice was quieter this time. "Cass…"
I cut him off.
My voice was hoarse.
Low.
But it came out steady.
"If you're happy with Celine," I said, eyes fixed on the IV drip beside me, "then go."
He blinked. "What—?"
"You don't have to pretend," I added, still not looking at him. "You two clearly like each other. It's obvious. And you'll be happier with someone like her."
"Cass."
"She's soft. She's normal. She's not going to ruin your life."
Silence.
I finally looked at him.
He wasn't angry.
He wasn't confused.
He just looked... tired.
"Cass," he said again, like he was holding back a hundred other things he wanted to say. "Don't do that."
I smirked — the kind that didn't reach my eyes.
"Do what?"
"That thing where you push people away before they can leave on their own."
I didn't respond.
Because it wasn't untrue.
He reached for the small table beside me. Lifted the covered tray. Steam escaped from under the lid.
He picked up the spoon and scooped some of the soup.
"Eat," he said.
I didn't move.
"Cass," he warned gently.
I narrowed my eyes. "I'm not a child."
"No," he agreed. "You're worse. Children listen."
I rolled my eyes. "You're really doing this?"
He raised the spoon again.
I didn't open my mouth.
"Jesus," he muttered under his breath, then tried again.
Same result.
So he put the spoon down. Sat back. Crossed his arms. "You'd rather die of pride than let someone help you?"
I looked away.
He didn't move.
Didn't leave.
The room was quiet except for the beeping monitor behind me.
Eventually… I gave in.
Only because my stomach was burning now.
Ken, of course, said nothing. He just picked the spoon back up and fed me like nothing happened. No smug comments. No teasing. Just silence.
I hated that he knew when not to speak.
I hated that he stayed.
I hated that i didn't want him to leave.
When i was done, he put everything away and sat back down, one hand on his lap, the other holding his phone loosely, unread messages lighting up the screen.
He didn't check them.
Instead, he leaned his head back against the wall, closed his eyes.
Stayed.
Even as i drifted back to sleep.
Even when the nurse came in quietly to check my IV.
Even when the sun set behind the window blinds.
When i woke up again, it was dark.
The room was quiet.
Ken was still there.
Sleeping now.
His long legs awkwardly folded into the chair beside my bed, arms crossed, head tilted slightly to the side. His breathing was even, slow.
I stared at him for a long time.
At the slope of his nose.
The crease between his brows.
The soft rise and fall of his chest.
He didn't look perfect.
He looked tired. A little messy.
But he was still here.
Still next to me.
And just like that—
I felt it.
That tight ache in my chest.
That heavy pull.
And before i could stop it—
A tear slipped down my cheek.
Then another.
I didn't move.
Didn't wipe them away.
Just let them fall.
Silently.
Because he didn't deserve this.
Didn't deserve me.
Ken deserved someone steady.
Someone easy to love.
Someone who wouldn't disappear at the first sign of trouble or ghost him for weeks because she couldn't figure herself out.
He deserved someone like Celine.
Someone who knew how to stay.
Not someone like me, who still had an entire nation watching her every move. Who still got tagged in articles she didn't read anymore.
Who still had a team negotiating contracts behind her back, still had managers waiting for a comeback, still had a past she couldn't outrun.
Any moment, I could be gone again.
Not because j wanted to leave…
But because my life wasn't built for peace.
And Ken?
Ken deserved peace.
Not this.
Not me.
I wiped at my face finally, quietly, and turned to the other side of the bed.
My voice didn't make a sound, but the words echoed in my head, clear and cruel.
Don't fall harder, Cass.
He won't catch you next time.