I've always believed i wasn't the kind of girl who cried over boys.
I grew up keeping everything inside, pain, joy, hunger, fear.
You name it.
I wore armor so well I forgot how it felt to be soft.
But that night? That stupid, haunting, unforgettable night, I shattered.
And it all began with a decision.
After everything, after the rooftop, the hospital, the silence, the kiss, I made a choice.
I told myself, If i'm going to break, at least let it be for something real.
So i walked that thin line between pride and vulnerability.
I told myself, Tonight, I'll say it.
I'll tell him.
Tell him that maybe, just maybe i was ready to stop running.
But fate, as always, had other plans.
I didn't mean to bump into Celine.
I was just out to clear my head, walked into the convenience store like a zombie in an oversized hoodie and messy bun, grabbing instant ramen and an energy drink i didn't even like.
Then i saw her.
She was standing by the counter, holding bottled water and her car keys, like she owned the world.
Her face lit up when she noticed me.
"Oh. Cassandra."
The way she said my name, like it tasted like something bitter she was trying to hide with a smile.
I nodded once, too tired to perform. "Hey."
Silence.
She didn't leave.
Instead, she took a breath and stepped closer, brushing imaginary lint off her blouse. "I told him."
I blinked. "Told who?"
She didn't even hesitate. "Ken."
There it was. No hesitation. No warning. Just a quiet confession in the middle of a store that smelled like microwave popcorn and spilled soy sauce.
"I told him i like him," she said, eyes steady. "I think he deserves to know."
I didn't speak.
I couldn't.
My mouth tasted like ash.
"I know you're… close," she added, a bit more gently now. "But if you don't feel the same way, I hope you won't stop us from happening."
Her words weren't cruel, but they sliced through me anyway.
And before i could even figure out what to say, she gave me a small, almost apologetic smile and left me standing there, holding ramen and regret.
When i got home, I placed the ramen on the kitchen counter and forgot about it.
I stared at my reflection in the bathroom mirror for a long time.
Why did it matter so much?
Why did i feel like i was suffocating?
Wasn't this what i wanted? Freedom? Distance?
No attachments, no mess?
And yet… my hands were shaking.
I sat on the floor of my apartment with the lights off, just waiting, staring at the door.
Like a fool waiting for a miracle.
He came.
Ken always came when it mattered.
The moment i heard his footsteps in the hallway, I stood up too fast, nearly tripping over my own feet. My heart was loud, angry, and alive.
He opened the door without knocking. Familiar. Casual.
My mouth opened to say it. Finally.
Ken, I—
But then his phone rang.
And just like that, the moment shattered.
He looked at the screen and something changed in his eyes. Urgency. Panic. Maybe even guilt. I knew that look.
Then i heard it, her voice.
Faint, tinny, through the phone speaker.
But unmistakable.
Celine.
His eyes darted to mine, searching, like he wanted to say something. Anything.
But all i saw was him choosing her.
"I—I have to go," he said quickly. "I'm sorry."
And just like that, he ran.
No explanations.
No apologies.
No second look.
Just gone.
I don't remember how long i stood there after the door slammed shut.
Maybe minutes.
Maybe hours.
It was like all the sound got sucked out of the room.
Then the tears came, quiet, stubborn, and slow.
At first, I wiped them away like i always did. Like they didn't mean anything.
But they kept coming.
And coming.
Until i was curled up on the floor of my apartment, fists clenched into my hoodie, sobbing like a child who lost something she didn't even know she loved.
Because the truth was simple, brutal, and irreversible.
I was ready to choose him.
And he had already chosen someone else.
I tried to tell myself it was okay.
That maybe i was never meant to be loved like that.
Not by someone like Ken.
Not when i was the girl who couldn't promise anything.
Not when i was still haunted by a past that followed me like a shadow.
But even then, some part of me wanted to scream, Why did you make me feel safe, only to leave?
Was it all in my head?
The way he held me in the hospital, the way he looked at me when i wasn't looking?
The way he smiled like i was the one thing in this world that wasn't broken?
Maybe i imagined it all.
Maybe i wanted to believe in something so badly that i painted over the truth with dreams.