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Chapter 4 - ** The World Tour of Minor Crimes**

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### **The Art of Procrastinating Armageddon**

Three weeks had passed since I doomed humanity, and I still hadn't decided on my third wish. Janno floated behind me as I browsed a luxury watch store in Tokyo, his translucent arms crossed.

**Janno:** "Let me get this straight—you're *stress-shopping* while the apocalypse clock ticks down?"

**Me, examining a Rolex:** "I prefer to call it 'retail therapy for the soon-to-be-post-apocalyptic.'"

I tapped my temple. "Status panel."

The blue screen flickered:

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**APOCALYPSE COUNTDOWN:** 61 days, 14:22:09

**CURRENT LOCATION:** Ginza, Tokyo

**ILL-GOTTEN GAINS:**

- ₱4.3 million (time-stolen from various banks)

- 17 luxury watches

- 1 authentic samurai sword (regrettable impulse buy)

**MORAL COMPASS:**

- Officially broken

- Last seen in Manila Bay

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Janno sighed. "You realize when the zombies come, money won't matter, right?"

**Me, slipping the Rolex into my pocket during a time-stop:** "Wrong. *After* society collapses, this'll trade for, like, three cans of beans and a shotgun."

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### **The Ethics of Pre-Apocalyptic Larceny**

Over six weeks, I perfected my routine:

1. **Time-stop in a bank vault** (12 seconds is *just* enough to stuff a duffel bag)

2. **Withdraw "Ron's Apocalypse Fund"** (No withdrawal slips needed when time is frozen)

3. **Repeat in a new country** (Pro tip: Swiss banks are *disappointingly* easy)

The weirdest part? No guilt. When you've got divine permission to end the world, petty theft feels like... creative accounting.

**Janno, watching me loot a Parisian jeweler:** "You've become a *monster*."

**Me, pocketing a diamond necklace:** "Correction—a *well-dressed* monster."

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### **Global Misadventures (Now with 100% More Time Crimes)**

**Tokyo:**

- Paused time in a sushi restaurant to steal the chef's knife skills (failed)

- Accidentally froze a sumo match mid-bout (the look on their faces: *priceless*)

**Paris:**

- "Borrowed" a Lamborghini for 12-second joyrides (time-stop makes traffic laws *optional*)

- Ate macarons at the Louvre *on* the Mona Lisa (she judges you *less* when frozen)

**New York:**

- Robbed a bank across from the NYPD (left a note: *"Sorry, future zombie food!"*)

- Tried to time-stop a rat—it *kept moving* (concerning...)

**Bangkok:**

- Got a tattoo that says *"World's Okayest Apocalypse Architect"* in Thai

- Janno facepalmed so hard he phased through a temple

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### **The Bizarre Normalcy of Doom Tourism**

By week six, the strangest thing happened: **I got bored.**

**Me, lounging on a Sydney beach:** "Kinda expected more... *urgency* from my final days."

**Janno, building a spectral sandcastle:** "That's the thing about Armageddon—90% waiting, 10% screaming."

I checked my panel:

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**APOCALYPSE COUNTDOWN:** 32 days, 06:11:48

**REGRETS:**

- Not learning to fly a plane

- That tattoo *definitely* says "spicy noodle"

**ACHIEVEMENTS:**

- Stole the Eiffel Tower's light bulb (one single bulb)

- Got banned from 7 countries (without them knowing)

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Then, in a Hong Kong hotel room, it hit me.

**Me, bolting upright:** "Janno. *Third wish.*"

**Janno, spitting out spectral tea:** "Finally! Is it immortality? Invisibility? A—"

**Me, grinning:** "I wish for..."

**TO BE CONTINUED...**

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