Notice:[1]
"What am I supposed to do now?" A soft voice asked
"Nothing works, and I am out of energy, I am completely drained of it. I am done, I don't even know why he keeps me here anymore, there is no use for my life anymore, there is nothing that I can extract for me to receive whatever I desire or need to survive. I wasn't supposed to remain alive, I should have been the one to leave this earth, I can't survive it, it rejects me no matter how hard I try to satisfy it. I'm never enough for this demanding, unpredictable world. I'm useless to it… worthless."
She thought as she was sinking into her bed, burying herself beneath the covers. In her mind, she saw herself drowning in the shimmering depths of a sunlit lake, the light above her just out of reach. Not a sound of disturbance, not a single voice bothering her peace, even though peace wasn't the exact word to describe her state of mind, which decided that it was time for her to know what true peace felt like. And that's how Eva's journey started from a dream:
"I have dreamed of you last night, walking together behind my house, my hand joining yours like two connected souls, walking hand in hand toward an unknown destination, while enjoying the grey sky and the silence of the outside. In the middle of that walk my gaze was able to spot a rose , from afar, a single delicate flower atop one of the old stone steps by the neighbor's silent garden, a rose which its color was a mix of some white, yellow and pink powder on top of every petal, the only rose that was growing in that hard and unusable floor, my mind was so focused on the flower that I completely forgot about our walk, and it seems that this instance of distraction was the reason of my imprisonment. I found myself trapped in that little garden silent, so of course, your spirit made me the offer to take your hand to get me out of that trap, and trust me letting you lay your hands at each side of my waist, and pushing mines against your shoulder, made me feel like I was getting out from more than just a garden, I was feeling free from something that have kept me inside a cell that I have never chosen to be in. At least that's what I thought when I could finally reach the other side and wrap my hands around your neck, and my tight around your waist, in one instant my focus on you made me feel like we were the only ones in this world"
She wrote remembering that deep connection that she had with that Blondie stranger whenever she dreams about him. In that dark moment that she was in, he was the only place where she could feel safe. "A stranger who seemed familiar" she whispered; "but how could such feelings be associated to a stranger?" she questioned, a question that remained without answers, the only thing that she was able to hold on to was that feeling, it was so powerful that she felt like suffocating if she doesn't express it. At that moment when her will of living was slowly fading from her heart, she felt like she could finally find shelter in that person's arms, she could say that she was at home whenever she was with him, whenever that warmth and presence was wrapping her entire being, the world was becoming quieter, she could finally enjoy the beautiful sound that was coming with what some people call silence, feeling like they were the only ones in this world, like this feeling was the only thing that she needed, to feel protected.
"Dear the soul of my dreams, the first time that I have dreamed about you I wanted you to know that, that feeling of love and that warmth were so unique that I couldn't wait more than 2 days to write it down, every time I try to describe you, the only thing that comes into my mind is that warmth, silly? I don't think so. That warmth was so intense, it broke through a part of the wall separating our two worlds. Every time I wake up from that dream, my heart would pound as hard as hammer, trying to break free from my chest, as if something inside of me was igniting, burning with a fierce heat. Is that how I am going to recognize you in this world? Would that warmth be my only reference to recognize you?"
Yours Eva
The young north African teen's chest was full of emotions that were eating her alive, the burn that she was feeling every time she wasn't writing about it was unbearable. So, whether it was important or not she would mention it in her little black and pink carnet, and those life moments that she was describing were always incremented by a special touch from her imaginary world, transforming them into amazing and unique sonorities.
But alas for our young writer, all the beautiful sounds can't remain the only actors of a human's heart; some confusing and violent shots on the paper had to make their entrance in the process.
[1] For a better and more immersive experience, when you get to the dream part of the chapter, listen to this ausio compilation from Yuki Kajiura : https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YJHeVKv_W5Q&list=RDYJHeVKv_W5Q&start_radio=1&t=1564s&ab_channel=SoupforYourSoul