Who am I?
Life asked.
Life. Not the one that became self-aware, no. The one that had just been born, like a child who cannot walk. Not even crawl.
The one that had not yet learned to live.
Who am I? — it asked again.
Asked as if looking directly at me, as if only waiting for an answer, as if it was precisely I who must cut this question like a knot.
— I don't know who you are. — I answered. — And it's not for me to tell you. Ask yourself, your very self. That is the only way.
After all… I understood. I am a worthless teacher. Only by realizing yourself can you answer another who is in the same position as you were just a moment ago.
It takes time. I repeated to myself, it takes time. Time to understand oneself. Time to realize one's own "I".
And so began the life of the one who decided to spawn the beginning. A beginning in an empty world that awaited its blossoming.
"She is like a child. Innocent, just learned to walk and still tripping over its own feet."
— Does the careless child not know it should watch its step? — I asked, turning my gaze away. My eyes wandered, as if searching for an answer where there was none by default.
— Papa! — a joyful shout. She ran up. — What are you thinking about?
— How did you know? Can you tell I'm thinking by looking at me?
I would be lying if I said I wasn't surprised. My face gave me away, the face always gives away. The face is an expression. Of emotions, thoughts, that which is useless to hide.
— What do you think life is?
The question sounded as selfish as asking a blind man to look.
Of course, she didn't understand. Of course, her eyes said "What do you mean?"
— No, daddy, I don't know at all. What is it? — Her enthusiasm outweighed my pestering.
— And you? Who are you now? Are you not life?
— Uuu! That's too difficult! — she replied, puffing out her cheeks. — Stop asking such questions!
Wrong. I understood, it's too wrong. This approach is not suitable.
Only by fully understanding oneself can one explain to another what it means to exist.
Teaching life is a difficult task. Especially for me, such an inept "teacher". Especially with such a clingy pupil who sticks to me as if I am the answer.
Days passed. Time only started moving when she took her first step. Space moved, expanded, began to grow.
And she grew with it.
The first life. The one I created, the one who became my half.
No, I wasn't her teacher, closer, much closer. Probably that's why she always called me "papa".
A word. A word whose meaning I don't understand. A word, hammered into the soul, but its meaning eludes me.
It seems important, because every time she says it, my heart rejoices.
The world is full of things whose meaning I have not yet grasped, and without grasping the meaning, one cannot know the value.
Seven days. Seven days passed after her appearance.
And I watched her becoming. Of a body, a personality, her own "I".
— Papa! I finally understood who I am! — she exclaimed joyfully, sitting on my lap.
— Hm. And who are you?
— I am your daughter! Hee-hee-hee!
Her body grows every day, but the smile is the same. A little more time will pass and she won't fit on my lap anymore.
I don't want that.
Only with her growing up did I understand, life always strives towards death.
I don't want that.
I concluded, if life disappears, it should at least not disappear in vain. Or let it strive for infinity, then death will just as infinitely strive after it.
Life is meaningless without what is dear to you.
And then her hand, warm, as if deciding to warm me in the coldest moment.
— Papa, you are what I hold dear. I don't want to lose you…
Silence. Like an ocean calmed after a storm.
Silence not because it's possible. Silence because I understood, separation is inevitable.
— Of course, I am your father. And a father cannot abandon his child. Ha-ha…
Three years. Three years passed.
For some, it's an instant.
For some, an eternity.
For some, nothing.
— My, what a beauty she has grown up to be… Papa!
Laughter. A smirk. An unexpected guest, the one who is never expected, but who always comes.
— And who might you be?
A question. Like surprise, like a sign of an open door.
— Pleased to meet you. This is our first meeting. My name is…
Avaley Le Fay.