Morning came with the subtlety of a thunderclap.
And by that, I mean a chicken jumped on my chest and screamed directly into my face.
"AGH—WHAT THE—?!"
"Disciples of Broken Heaven Sect must rise with the dawn!" Senior Brother shouted from outside. "Even if the dawn is slightly delayed due to cloudy weather and motivational issues!"
I shoved the chicken off me and rolled to the floor. My limbs ached slightly—probably from too much enlightenment.
Still, worth it.
Down in the courtyard, I found the other disciples gathered in a circle around a stack of bricks and a scroll that looked older than sense itself. At the center stood Mu Lian—the girl who caught me glowing yesterday—with her arms crossed and eyes sharper than my shampoo budget.
"We're implementing structure," she announced.
Someone coughed blood just hearing the word.
"This sect," she continued, "has fallen into disgrace. But with proper schedules, drills, and effort, we can claw our way back to mediocre!"
One guy fainted from stress. Another muttered something about "traitorous ambition."
I yawned and leaned against a half-dead tree.
Mu Lian pointed her sword at me. "You. Slacker. You're first."
"Me?" I blinked. "I thought the goal was 'doing things.'"
"You glowed yesterday. That makes you our most promising disciple."
"That is deeply tragic."
Still, I was ushered to the front. The scroll on the ground read: 'Heavenly Brick Breaking Technique: Stage 1'.
The idea, apparently, was to channel Qi through your palm, strike the stack, and "let your spirit explode forward."
I sat down cross-legged next to the bricks.
And then I closed my eyes.
"What are you doing?" Mu Lian hissed.
"Visualizing the perfect strike," I murmured.
"But—"
"Shh. Inner peace."
System Alert: You have entered Enlightened Nap State.
Qi Gathering in Progress...Inspiration unlocked: "Lazy Palm of Collapsed Effort"
I opened my eyes ten minutes later, stood, raised one hand—and softly tapped the top brick.
BOOM.
The stack exploded.
Dust flew. Bricks crumbled. One disciple screamed, "He knows the forbidden arts!"
Mu Lian looked horrified. "How…?!"
"I visualized very hard."
She grabbed me by the collar. "You're hiding something. A secret manual? A spirit beast disguised as a pillow?"
"I think the Dao just likes me."
That Afternoon
Grumblebeard called me back to the Grand Hall.
He wasn't alone.
Beside him stood a sharp-nosed woman in golden robes, clearly from a rich sect. Her eyes scanned the place like it offended her very soul.
"This is Elder Yan from the Azure Star Sect," the Sect Master grumbled. "They're here scouting disciples."
"Scouting?" I blinked. "You mean like... to recruit?"
Elder Yan raised an eyebrow. "We recruit promising talents from weaker sects. And your name has reached our ears."
"Already? I've been here less than a week."
"Yes," she said, clearly annoyed. "Apparently you shattered a stack of spirit bricks using an unorthodox method."
Grumblebeard muttered, "That's the nicest way I've heard someone say 'lazy slap.'"
Elder Yan folded her arms. "Demonstrate your technique. If we find it worthy, we may take you under our sect's wing."
"...And if not?"
"You will return here and never be mentioned again."
I turned to Grumblebeard. "This is why you don't let visitors in."
"I was promised free dumplings," he said solemnly.
Outside, Elder Yan laid out a target dummy made of polished ironwood.
"This is a Tier-3 Construct Dummy," she declared. "Resistant to Qi. Immune to flame. Strike it with your best technique."
"Alright," I said, cracking my neck.
And then I sat down.
"What are you doing?" Elder Yan snapped.
"Meditating."
"Again?!"
"Preparation is 90% of performance."
She looked ready to combust.
System Alert: You have achieved Deep Recline State.
Qi flows like water.Time slows (subjectively). Focus sharpens. Muscles loosen.You are now eligible to use: "Slack Palm: Flowing Disregard Style"
I stood, stretched, and let out a yawn that could have been a battle cry if you tilted your perspective hard enough.
Then I stepped forward, barely lifted my hand, and flicked the dummy in the chest.
FwwhhhBOOM.
The dummy spun six full rotations, toppled over, and rolled down the mountain trail.
A bird chirped. Somewhere, a goat fainted.
Elder Yan's jaw dropped.
"That… shouldn't be possible."
"I'm very inefficient in a highly efficient way."
She stared at me like I'd just rewritten physics using a crayon.
Then she turned to Grumblebeard.
"This boy is—insufferable. And also... potentially genius."
Grumblebeard shrugged. "That's what I've been saying."
That Evening
Back in my room, I lay on my mattress of moss and self-respect, staring at the cracked ceiling.
A scroll appeared in the air in front of me:
Cultivation Log — Day 5
Name: Kaito AsanoSect: Broken Heaven (Probationary)Cultivation Level: Qi Disciple — 2nd Stage (Nap-Aligned)Path: Dao of SlackCurrent Skills:
Lazy Palm of Collapsed Effort
Slack Palm: Flowing Disregard Style
Enlightened Nap State
Passive: Qi Absorption When Horizontal
I sighed.
In my old life, I'd worked so hard for so little.Now, I'm actively doing nothing, and people think I'm a prodigy.
But somewhere deep inside me, a dangerous thought stirred.
What if I kept going?
Not chasing power, not chasing glory—but pursuing peace, ease, and naps so profound they ripple across dimensions?
Could I... become something more?
Could I reach immortality… one nap at a time?