As everyone knows, P.E. classes still exist—even in college.
However, unlike in high school, college P.E. isn't exactly popular…
In fact, many students petition to get it canceled!
These days, even tying shoelaces makes most college students dizzy!
If you're not one of them?
Well... good for you.
Compared to high school, college P.E. is more varied. You can finally try those activities you never had time for before.
Of course—
If you just want to slack off, that's fine too. Most schools have clubs that allow you to fulfill attendance and still earn credits.
Take the diving club, for example. For the seniors, "P.E. class" was basically club activity time.
So when Iori and Kouhei thought their P.E. electives would be easy too, Shirou gave them a big, fat surprise!
Izu University Kendo Training Hall
Iori and Kouhei stood there expressionless, each holding a diving mask, staring at the completely empty dojo.
Even now, they still thought their elective was diving...
"Hey, Shirou... If I remember right, I signed up for diving."
"This is the place you said our first class would be?"
Even if they were idiots, they could tell this wasn't the place for diving.
The sign on the door literally said Kendo Training Hall—did Shirou think they couldn't read?!
(;?＿?)
"Ahem... Maybe the teacher had something else to do and forgot?"
Shirou averted his eyes. He only remembered about electives today himself.
That lame excuse didn't fool anyone.
Iori and Kouhei turned and started walking away.
"No time left. Let's go."
"Being late for the first class is bad."
SWOOSH!
Shirou blocked their way, looking awkward. "Uh... we're really having class here..."
(???)
Iori and Kouhei stared blankly at him. "We're not idiots, you know."
"Even if we don't dive on the first day, it definitely shouldn't be here. Where's Chisa?"
After all, Chisa would never miss a diving opportunity. And it wasn't just the three of them who picked this class...
From the looks of it, this place was nothing more than an abandoned kendo training hall.
"Umm... is there a chance that the class you signed us up for wasn't actually diving?"
Realizing things couldn't be hidden much longer, Kamishiro Shiro cautiously revealed the truth. He was a little worried the two might not take it well... or rather, he was more afraid that his body wouldn't be able to take what came next.
And sure enough—
As soon as Shiro uttered those words, their expressions changed instantly. Half of their faces sank into shadow.
"So that's how it is…"
"So it wasn't diving after all..."
"Mhm mhm~ I just wanted to give you two a little surprise~"
With a smile as harmless as a bunny's, Kamishiro Shiro tried to smooth things over. As long as these two didn't lose their tempers, he might survive this.
Unfortunately, the next moment—
BAM BAM!!!
The righteous fists of justice came crashing down—and not just fists. The long-lost lethal scissor-leg choke made its comeback!
Iori clamped her legs tightly around Shiro's neck, her face twisted in fury.
"What do you mean it's not diving?!"
"What kind of ridiculous class did you sign us up for?! I remember clearly we all agreed on diving, didn't we?!"
﹌(?Д?)﹋
"There was… there was a little unexpected situation partway through."
Contestant Kamishiro Shiro repeatedly slapped the floor, desperately signaling for a referee—surely someone would call foul on this totally unfair two-on-one!
"Unexpected situation?"
"Oh I see. Then tomorrow, Izu University might unexpectedly discover a student buried alive behind the mountain."
!!!
"You two are demons!!"
"Hah?! Aren't you the demon here?!"
"P.E. class is already exhausting enough—why'd you have to go and make things harder?!"
(′?`)
As the thin air began to starve his brain of oxygen, Kamishiro Shiro realized that if he didn't spill some classified intel right now, this might be where his story ends.
"The instructor is a white-haired bombshell with a smoking hot body!!!"
"Hot body?!"
"White hair?!"
The two perverts immediately froze at those keywords and stopped their attacks (both with fists and legs).
The next second, Shiro felt the world spinning, and in the blink of an eye, he was standing upright on the floor again, gasping for air while two gentle hands patted his chest to help him breathe.
"Cough cough, are you alright, Shiro? You suddenly just collapsed."
"Yeah yeah, the ground here's a little slippery. Let's skip the nonsense next time and get straight to the point. Now, tell us more about the white-hair~!"
"..."
Once again, Kamishiro Shiro witnessed the absolute shamelessness of these two. So if he hadn't mentioned the magic keywords, they would've just offed him, huh?
You two damn white-hair fetishists!!
"Well… here's what happened…"
At this point, there was no need to hide anything anymore—not that Shiro ever intended to hide it. Honestly, he'd just forgotten.
When choosing electives, the three of them did originally follow their upperclassman's advice and picked "Diving."
BUT!
Shiro found it too boring. What he really wanted was horseback riding.
Unfortunately, Izu University didn't offer that…
After digging around some more, he discovered a very special class!
This class only accepted three students. It seemed to be a "trial class" to evaluate a new teacher, and rumor had it that these types of classes were super easy for earning credits.
Not only that—
The course description was written in a very direct and tempting way:
"Beauty, white hair, hot body, private one-on-one instruction—Kendo Class welcomes you~"
!!!
When he saw those keywords, could Kamishiro Shiro possibly resist?
He instantly signed himself up—and like a true "bro," he also filled in his two besties' names to avoid going solo!
SMACK!
After hearing the whole story, Iori and Kohei looked at Kamishiro Shiro with teary-eyed admiration.
"Kamishiro… from today, you're my long-lost, unrelated-by-blood brother!"
"You can pick anything from my collection!!!"
At that moment, Kamishiro Shiro was like a literal angel in their hearts!
"Brothers forever!!!"
Tears welled up in Shiro's eyes too.
These two... these two… were still so easy to manipulate~
The truth? He didn't pick them out of any sense of brotherly love—who needs that when you could have a white-haired bombshell all to yourself?
The real reason he dragged them in was because the class needed exactly three people to open. And these two idiots were easy to fool. At the same time, they made for perfect stepping stones:
One to highlight his intelligence.
One to contrast with his handsomeness.
With a setup like this, wouldn't the white-haired teacher fall straight into his arms?
Kukuku~
Such innocent fools~
Tap tap tap…
Just as the trio were deep in fantasy, footsteps echoed through the empty training hall.
At the same time, they heard their supposed white-haired instructor's sweet voice—
"Ahh… this school is such a pain. Why do they even do these 'trial classes'?"
"There's no helping it, Gin-san. The benefits here are great, after all!"
"I want vinegar kelp, aru!"
"Hm? Why is no one saying anything? Do college students not do that 'Good morning, teacher' thing anymore?"
"Gin-san, you have to be patient with students. You know, today's college kids are a shy bunch."
"Gin-chan, you've got a red bean stuck to your cheek, aru."
"You damn brat! Why didn't you say anything earlier?! Now I look like a fool as a teacher!"
"..."
(???)
Iori and Kohei stood expressionless, watching the trio who had suddenly burst into a full-on comedy routine. In fact, ever since these three arrived, Iori and Kohei had been in standby mode, utterly confused.
Meanwhile, the true culprit—Kamishiro Shiro—stared at the three, his mouth hanging open in utter disbelief.
Holy crap! I got scammed!
There were three of them?! Those keywords must've referred to three separate people?!
Wait!
That white-haired one might barely qualify as "white-haired," sure. But where were the "beauty" and the "hot body"?!
If he wasn't mistaken, that girl and boy were clearly high school students, right?
How the hell do they qualify as beauties with hot bodies? With their underdeveloped faces and physiques? Or maybe it's the titanium alloy glasses?
Okay... the glasses were kind of nice.
But that's not the point! The point is:
High schoolers can moonlight as university teachers now?!
Kamishiro Shiro was once again convinced that Japan's education system was doomed. A moment of silence for the future...
Of course, that alone wasn't enough to shock Kamishiro Shiro. After all, he had been working as a host back in high school.
No, what shocked him was—
This was freaking Gintama!!!
That slacker white-haired guy with dead-fish eyes, the weird speech patterns, the unmistakable glasses—
This was clearly the Odd Jobs Trio!!
Kamishiro Shiro knew them all too well. His current novel was even based on Gintama…
Which meant—
Why the hell were Gintama characters showing up in a world with smartphones?!
Wasn't this the world of Scum's Wish? Or maybe a crossover anime world?
Kamishiro Shiro was completely lost now. First he thought this was a parallel world. Then after seeing Hanabi, he thought it was Scum's Wish. Then, after encountering other main-character-looking people, he assumed it was a crossover anime world.
But!
He had never imagined this kind of crossover anime world—these characters weren't even from the same timeline!
How could this—
Wait a second!
Kamishiro Shiro suddenly realized something: Hanabi had appeared right when he was writing Scum's Wish...
And now, these Odd Jobs guys showed up right when he was working on Gintama...
Could it be… the Summoner is ME?!
At that moment, it hit him—his long-dormant golden-finger ability had finally activated!
He could summon anime characters through writing!!
But then… why hadn't his beloved blue-haired airheaded goddess shown up yet?
Was it because the world will itself rejected her? Or did she get lost on the way here?
If it really was because of his power, did that mean he could only summon characters from his other stories? Or maybe he could send himself into theirs?
Kamishiro Shiro sank into deep thought. He was no longer that chuunibyou "Sea God" teen—he needed to seriously contemplate his newfound powers.
However...
Even the devil won't spare you just because you're lost in thought.
At some point, the two demons had silently appeared behind him—one with a rope, one with a baseball bat, both grinning menacingly.
"Kamishiro~"
!!!
Kamishiro Shiro's hair stood on end. This feeling—he knew it too well.
He dodged sideways instinctively.
If his opponents had been anyone else, he might've gotten away.
Unfortunately, his enemies were the two brothers who knew him best…
Wouldn't a good bro already know this stuff?
There was already a rope lying in that exact direction, waiting for him~
"Wait a minute!"
BANG BANG BANG!!!
Iori and Kohei weren't some brain-dead anime villains— Kamishiro Shiro's "Wait!" had absolutely no effect on them.
Well, not entirely no effect. It actually made them hit Kamishiro even harder.
BANG BANG BANG!!!
"WTF! Stop hitting my face! There's gotta be some misunderstanding here!"
"Misunderstanding? My ass! You totally did this on purpose, you bastard!"
"This is the white-haired girl you talked about?! A creepy middle-aged dude?! AAAAAAHHHH! Kamishiro, give me back my white-haired loli!!!"
"No… I didn't know it'd be like this either! The school's false advertising! It's all the school's fault!"
"Shine / Die)!"
"..."
Gintoki rubbed his curly hair in confusion, watching the increasingly chaotic (and completely one-sidedly bullying) scene before him.
"Shinpachi-kun, I really don't get today's college students anymore. Playing games and using scissor kicks and black tiger heart-ripping techniques… What are they, MMA fighters?"
(;?＿?)
Realizing something was off, Shinpachi wiped the cold sweat from his forehead.
"Gin-san… is it possible this is just… plain bullying?"
"Eh? No way. They looked super friendly when we first walked in."
Thinking back to how harmonious the three looked earlier, Gintoki nodded nostalgically. Those boys always reminded him of his own three companions.
"…Gin-san, did you forget the ad we wrote for this class?"
(′｀;)?
"Did I? What's wrong with it? We said one-on-one tutoring, didn't we? So of course it's three people."
Shinpachi fell silent. He only realized later what the slogan actually said… and turns out, there's probably only one actual white-haired girl in the whole thing. That's textbook fraud.
"Well, anyway… let's pull them apart first. Class is starting."
"Oh, looks like we don't need to anymore."
Gintoki flicked a booger off his finger and said lazily. The fight had already ended.
Shinpachi glanced over curiously. Had they tired out? Or had the squinty-eyed one finally collapsed?
"Hahahahaha! Gin-san! Shinpachi! Look! I won this round!"
Yep… they collapsed. But it wasn't just Kamishiro who couldn't go on—Iori and Kohei were also completely wiped out.
Kagura stood there triumphantly, lifting one boy in each hand and stepping on Kamishiro like a goddess of war possessed by madness.
!!!
"Kagura-chan! What the hell are you doing?!"
Shinpachi's face contorted in disbelief. This scene was so not what he expected.
"They're Gin-san's students! What kind of teacher beats up her students on the first day?! Are you some delinquent from the Showa era?!"
"We were playing a game, aru!"
"Well… technically, life is a game too."
Gintoki waved a hand like some kind of guru. He had realized he was now a teacher.
Though he still hadn't realized… he was a PE teacher.
"Even if it's a game, it should be a survival game! Not a death match! Kagura-chan, hurry up and put those two down! They're about to pass out!"
﹌(?Д?)﹋
As their eyes rolled back, Iori and Kohei silently gave a thumbs-up to the glasses-wearing guy for his relentless complaints.
They weren't sure what the hell was going on anymore, but… it seemed like they were saved.
POOF—