After Term 2 ended and winter break started, the silence felt louder than ever.
K was on my mind a lot—like, a lot. I kept thinking about our first conversation. The way her name rolled out of her smile. The way I asked for a pencil even when I had three in my pocket. That side hug at the modeling show. The way her hand missed mine on purpose when she teased me with a dab.
I kept thinking about what it felt like to talk to her. To be near her. To watch her smile and know that—at least once—I made that smile happen.
But lately... she's been ghosting me.
She replied to one of my statuses, and I replied back. But after that—nothing. Blue tick. Silence. Almost every chat ends with my message. Whether it's "goodnight" or a joke or something deep... she just leaves it there. It made me wonder if I even mattered to her anymore.
I told C—our mutual friend. C just listened.
When K said she was going back to her homeland for the winter, I felt weirdly relieved. Like... at least she wouldn't see him. Maybe distance would break them apart. Maybe I'd have a chance again.
I told myself that lie so many times, I started to believe it.
Then one night, while I was talking to C about how hard it is to love K, she gave me a truth I didn't want to hear:
"I'd say you should let her go. I know you love her very much, but she doesn't see you in that way. And hard truth? You're just making yourself look dumb chasing after a girl who wants to be chased but doesn't want to be caught. You know? And I know it's difficult to get rid of someone you love, but I think you should just put her in archives if you don't want to block her. Get some time to yourself. Otherwise, you can just not speak to her unless she messages you. And if she stops, you stop. Don't be a fool. That just gives her power. I hope you understand. But yeah, you don't have to—but that's what I think."
All I could say was: "Ok?"
Then C added:
"I'm being real neh. Don't get yourself into the same situation I did. You deserve the best in life and the best girlfriend. Not someone who wants to be chased. AE, you're way out of my league—but you have a good heart. And I think you deserve better."
That was a heartwarming moment for me.
I thanked her for caring. And I meant it.
Days passed. I kept thinking.
And then I realized something new:
I don't like nice girls.
Or rather—I don't like girls who are too nice. Why? Because when I first saw K, I thought she'd be hard to talk to. Mysterious. Distant. But then she smiled at me so easily. So fast. Like she smiled at everyone.
And suddenly... it didn't feel special anymore.
She liked everyone's statuses. Laughed at everyone's jokes. Was kind to everyone.
So where did that leave me?
Just another name. Just another blue tick.
That thought stayed with me.
And eventually—I wrote her a message.
Not a confession. Not a poem. Not a joke.
Just the truth.
"K, I wanted to be honest with you - I've been trying for a while now, but I think it's time for me to accept that my feelings aren't reciprocated. Loving you has been a rollercoaster, and it's taken a toll on me. I've given it my all, but it's clear that my heart isn't on the same page as yours. I know you've always known how I feel about you, and I know you chose someone else. It's been hard for me to deal with, but I've been pretending like everything's fine because I value our friendship. The truth is, it's still hard for me to see you with someone else, and sometimes I catch myself thinking about what could've been. I'm choosing to prioritize my own well-being and move forward. I deserve to be loved and appreciated in return, and I hope you understand where I'm coming from. As a negative Aura farmer."
I sent that message at 00:00.
I tried to sleep.
But before I could even lock my phone...
I saw it.
"Typing..."
My heart was pounding.
Every second felt like an hour.
And what she sent after that...was something that would change the course of this winter forever.