The unpleasant, sticky feeling of emptiness after the rapid, one-time expenditure of energy passed surprisingly quickly. As soon as I returned to the thick of the club's chaos, to that haze of sweat, cheap booze, and loud music, I felt my strength gradually returning. Apparently, I had developed some tolerance to the sudden expenditure of energy... Or maybe my partially divine nature was making itself known, allowing me to recover at an unnatural speed. To be honest, I tried not to think about it too much. I subconsciously felt that by accepting myself as a Chinese knock-off of the local God, I would have to accept even more responsibility, and I already had more than enough of that damn responsibility! As if my past, in which I turned out to be a complete idiot who destroyed almost all of humanity, wasn't enough, here too I'm not some secondary character, but an Archangel and the First Man!
And in the canon of that cartoon, I—a being created in the image and likeness of God himself—was killed by a one-eyed little twerp with an angelic knife! Vivienne, for fuck's sake, what the hell?! I wouldn't have said a word if the damn canon differed in any way from what I saw here, in reality. But no such luck! Everything is exactly as it was shown in the cartoon, just more "in-depth," more detailed, perhaps, but the facts themselves are the same. And a damn piece of metal with the concept of Death melted into it can kill a copy of God? Bullshit, just fucking, complete bullshit!
I put my palm to my face and sighed heavily in annoyance, clenching my hand into a fist until my knuckles turned white, until I felt the wave of anger recede a little. Okay, thoughts about this kind of crap—later. Right now, at this particular moment, I should devote some time to two young, beautiful girls who are now all alone... In a damn underground club with cheap booze... In a world where people, due to the actions of one lustful bastard and my crazy ex-wife, now seem to do nothing but fuck, drink, and shoot up from the age of sixteen, if not earlier... Fuck, it turns out I'm a real idiot! I left them alone, didn't even take precautions! With such a joyful mood, I rushed to "save" my girls, mentally covering myself with a thick layer of choice shit.
"Oh, Baal, there you are..." a familiar, slightly slurring voice sounded behind me as I was just peeking into one of the VIP rooms in search of my companions. The voice was not just familiar, but also surprisingly drunk...
"We were just starting to look for you ourselves..." a second voice sounded, no less familiar, and, judging by the intonation, no less drunk...
Already knowing exactly what I was about to see, I slowly turned around with a shudder. And yes, I was not mistaken. In front of me, hugging and barely staying on their feet, stood two dead-drunk "minors." They looked at me with a strange, hazy gaze, and Loona, that rascal, was even licking her lips lustfully... Um... Maybe she's just thirsty? I really hope so...
"When the fuck did you manage to get drunk?! I..." I wasn't allowed to finish, of course. The drunk girls pounced on me with a joyful squeal, trying to lay me out right here, on the dirty club floor. I, naturally, started to fight back, but the place was completely unsuitable for that, and I didn't want to attract unnecessary attention, so, in a desperate attempt to get away from two annoying and very drunk demonesses, I, without much thought, opened a portal to Heaven. Specifically—straight to the training ground, where, as it turned out, at that very moment my dear Lute was training her elite squad…
"I was only gone for a couple of minutes!" I continued to justify myself for the hundredth time, sitting on the cool, smooth surface of the training ground. On my lap, peacefully snoring, lay two demon girls who had passed out from an excess of alcohol and emotions. "And anyway, it's not my fault they got drunk so quickly! Angel's honor!" Lute stood opposite me, arms crossed over her chest, and looked at me with an expression that could be described as "go on, tell me more." And the sly, wicked smile playing on her lips made my insides clench in a panicked attempt to hide, because I still hadn't forgotten that story with the frying pan made of angelic metal. And where she would want to shove that frying pan... And the main thing is—for no reason! I'm a good boy!
The result of my brilliant attempt to escape from the drunk girls from Hell, who, during my short absence, had managed not only to get wasted but also, it seems, to become friends (why couldn't they have done that right away), was not just my shameful escape to Heaven, but a real chase! For about ten minutes! And if at the very beginning they were still running after me relatively simply and even a little clumsily (and I, a naive idiot, was still hoping that my valiant exorcists would save me from two drunk girls!), then towards the end, both the little dog and the little owl seemed to have completely let go of their inhibitions. Chains of concentrated Darkness flew at me from all sides from Octavia (where did she get such skills?!), and Loona, that beast, used some incomprehensible buff on her stats and started chasing me on all fours at such a huge speed that I myself could barely dodge! And not once, the bitches, did they hit each other! They worked as a team, as if they had been training together all their lives! Damn, what alcohol does to people… I mean, to demons.
No, of course, I was mostly just having fun myself, because with my current stats and skills, I could have just knocked these two out with a snap of my fingers, so to speak, but after all these heavy thoughts and emotional upheavals, I myself wanted to fool around a bit, let off some steam. And the drunk mistresses themselves seemed to really enjoy it... And I liked the fact that this whole fucking circus with the chase and the magic was being recorded on camera by one of my spy drones, which I had specially brought here in advance. Naturally, NOT to troll the young alcoholics with this very video later, when they finally sober up. How could you even think that of me?
The result of our fun run was that my girls, my elite, fucking, squad, were just laughing their asses off at me! And they were even DEMONSTRATIVELY recording it all on their phones! Traitors! And Lute too!
And when our guests from Hell finally passed out (with a little help from me, of course, otherwise they would have been running around until morning), Lute just came up to me and started looking at me with that very, her signature look. And I, like a real, self-confident man, immediately started making excuses… Yeah, that doesn't sound very "manly," does it?
"..." Lute just kept looking at me silently, but finally she sighed heavily, rubbed her temples wearily, and answered: "Adam, I've already told you, I don't mind. But demons..." She theatrically rolled her eyes, and a shadow of fatigue flickered in her gaze. "You have hundreds, thousands of wonderful options here, in Heaven. And you still keep crawling into that fucking Hell and hitting on some strange demons there. What's wrong with our girls?"
"Um..." No, I mean, I knew Lute "didn't mind," but not to this extent! And, to be honest, I was expecting a completely different reaction. Screaming, tears, that very frying pan, in the end! And again, I wasn't being completely honest with her. My reaction of a "frightened husband" was more of an act than real fear or anything like that. "Lute, I've already told you about this."
"You told me you'd be 'closely' communicating with demons like this?" she crossed her arms over her chest, her golden eyes narrowing. "Adam, it's not normal to spend so much time with demons. Why have you changed so much? You never even had such thoughts before, but since that moment…"
"Ugh..." Now it was my turn to sigh heavily. I love Lute. Very much. But admitting to her that I'm, to put it mildly, not quite who I pretend to be was damn hard. I understand perfectly well that she's not a fool, and my story about "sudden amnesia" sounds just fucking stupid and unconvincing, but some irrational fear inside me was still present. I was afraid to admit to myself that I was, in fact, partially deceiving her. Because, even though I'm not that, past Adam, I'm still Adam. And that other Adam is also a part of me... Yikes, my thoughts are getting completely tangled. "Let's talk about this a little later, okay? I... Now and here is not the best place for such conversations..."
Lute immediately became serious. She gave me a slightly frightened, lost look. Apparently, she herself was not ready for the fact that I would finally agree to reveal the whole truth to her about why I had changed so much. She silently nodded and went to disperse the other girls, who were still giggling and re-watching the recording of our "chase." Oh, what's going to happen in the group chat today…
I glanced at the demonesses peacefully sleeping on my lap. Stolas is definitely going to kill me. Or at least try.
A while ago. A few hours before possessing Adam's body.
"Oh, for fuck's sake, what asshole is bothering me so early in the morning when normal angels are still asleep?!" I put my guitar aside and, cursing with annoyance, teleported straight to the front door, where some asshole had just persistently rung the bell. Actually, it was evening, but who the fuck cares? "What do you want?" I swing the door open and... freeze in shock.
"Hello, Adam, long time no see?" It's... Eve... Eve was standing in front of me... Still the same as I remembered her: chestnut hair, golden eyes like mine, a sweet, innocent smile, a simple black dress, and... six huge, jet-black wings behind her back. And on her neck, a strange, rough, ugly scar was visible... What the...? "How... How is this even possible?" I took a step back, looking at my ex-wife in complete shock, the one that bastard Lucifer once took from me. May he, the son of a bitch, burn in Hell forever for that. "Eve? Are you okay? What are you doing here?" The initial shock passed, replaced by bewilderment. But what the fuck is going on here?! Eve turned into that creepy, many-eyed thing back then, and then just disappeared! I thought God himself had killed her!
"Oh, my sweet, did you miss me so much?" the woman smiled charmingly and, without waiting for an invitation, walked into the house, closing the door tightly behind her. "I missed you very much too, darling. I'm so sorry we can't be together."
She extended her delicate hand to me, but I immediately slapped it away. This can't be the real Eve! What the fuck would she be doing here?!
"Who the fuck are you?" my favorite guitar-axe instantly formed in my hand, and I was ready to sound the alarm and blast her with Light. "And what do you want from me?"
"Oh, Adam, that's so hurtful..." "Eve" whispered with feigned sadness, placing a hand on her chest... Or rather, that piece of shit pretending to be Eve! "I just wanted to be with you again, and you're so cruel to me…"
"Don't bullshit me, you bitch! What the fuck are you and what do you want?!" It's unlikely that demons have learned to just sneak into Heaven like this; those idiots aren't that smart. But their asshole king, Lucifer, is quite capable of such a thing. And demons are cunning as fuck, so it's most likely some demon… Or did that bitch Lilith decide to troll me like this? If so, I'll send this slut back to Hell! Fucking bitch!
"Adam, it seems you don't want to listen to me… What a pity…" "Eve" turned around as if to leave, then sighed sadly and, turning sharply, held out… an apple to me? "I know you're a little… tired of all this, aren't you? If you change your mind, then use this… And then we can be together again…" after which the apple flew straight at me. I, purely on reflex, caught it, was distracted for just a fraction of a second, and when, furiously, I looked back at the bitch, she was already gone. What the fuck?
Looking around, I saw nothing suspicious. And now only the apple I was holding in my hands reminded me of that bitch's existence… An apple… In the past, I had seen the "Fruit of Knowledge" from a distance, and I never even thought of breaking the prohibition, but after everything I'd been through, I simply couldn't mistake a simple, fucking, apple for that very Forbidden Fruit. And now in my hands was not a simple apple, but that very, fucking, Fruit of Knowledge!
No fucking way! If this is really the Fruit of Knowledge, then… could it have really been the real Eve?… The thought that I could get her back, that she could become the same as before, hit me in the head like a hammer (a Heaven-shattering one, yes). After which I could think of nothing better than… just taking a bite of it. It doesn't infect you, it just gives you the opportunity to know both Darkness and Light… Which means I can get Eve back… I can…
At that very moment, a memory shot through my head. The last, most important, "unopened" memory until this moment finally came to my mind, thereby the "acceptance of Adam" was finally completed, and I, in turn, was pretty fucking shocked.
Yes, the past Adam, on the very night my "possession" occurred, really did eat the Forbidden Fruit. Which, first of all, didn't really fit his character, in my opinion. Although, on the other hand, it was quite explainable by his general exhaustion from everything that was happening or his love for Eve that had not faded over the millennia, since he never married anyone after that incident. But somehow all this is… too expressive? Although what am I saying, the past Adam could totally pull something like that…
Fuck, what kind of world is this?! I can't even finish one thing before some new, no less urgent things pop up! According to my memories, Adam wasn't as "bad" as he was shown in the canon, and I've already said that the canon so far coincides with reality. Does that mean that in the canon, Adam also ate the Fruit of Knowledge? And does that mean that his death at the hands of Niffty could be… "exaggerated," right? Shit, my head is such a mess now…
The only problem is that in the canon, after eating the Fruit, Adam didn't get the memories of some crazy demigod-psychopath from another world in his head! Which means this doesn't explain why the hell I ended up in this fucking world! Maybe in this reality, the Fruit worked somehow differently? Or did Adam in the canon manage to choose between Light and Darkness, and here he got stuck on that choice, and for some reason, I was just pulled into his body? Or did something else happen, like a parade of planets, a blood moon, and magnetic flares on Mars, which caused me to be transported into Adam's body?
Fuck, why is there NEVER a simple solution or a simple, clear answer?! Every time, it's the same thing!
God, I swear, I will get to you! And I will slowly and painfully torture you for several years until you answer all my questions! Write that down, you silent bastard!
Alright, to hell with it. Now I need to deal with urgent, pressing matters again—delivering two drunk… and completely defenseless beautiful girls back to Hell. Well, at least I'll get the title of Saint for this, right? Oh, right, I already have it…
I sighed heavily, getting up from the floor and lifting the girls into the air with the power of the Light. After which I still couldn't resist, and instead of just teleporting them, I gently took them in my arms and opened a portal to Hell. Taking them home would be… not a very wise idea. Because the fathers of both are a little… overly protective, so I think it's better to put them up in some decent hotel, and there, when they sleep it off, they can deal with their parents themselves, they're not little anymore.
Finding a suitable hotel took me no more than half an hour, and only because I was looking for one where other, particularly curious demons wouldn't try to get into a room with two passed-out girls and one guy. So, demonstrating my power—"summoning" money out of thin air—I paid for a few days' stay for them and, going up to the third floor (where their room was), I just put the girls to bed. After which I locked the door with the key, which I left on the nightstand by the bed, and stopped for a moment, admiring these sweet, defenseless creatures, who, by the way, still remained in their human form…
Sighing heavily, I teleport back to Heaven, immediately assuming my true form… Wait! I ran away from them to Heaven… I mean, Loona and Octavia didn't know my true nature, and I, stunned by their drunken assertiveness, literally exposed myself to them by immediately fucking off to Heaven! Demons aren't capable of that… Except for Eve, as I recently realized. Goddamn it!
Alright, to hell with it. They're smart girls, and they were dead drunk, so, theoretically, they might just not remember anything that happened. Yes! I'm not a loser, everything is according to plan!
Lute, by the way, had already managed to send all the other girls away somewhere. Either she gave them all a day off, or just sent them to train in another place, so we were alone on the training ground now…
"So, you seemed to want to tell me something…" my beauty flew up to me, pretending that she wasn't at all interested in what I was about to say.
Heh.
"Yes… I wanted to tell you this earlier, but I just… wasn't sure how to properly present this information to you…" I walked up to her and gently hugged her from behind, burying my nose in her light, silky hair. "I… another Adam."
End of Volume One.