"Well, hello there, kiddo!" The dressing room was exactly as I had expected: a cramped, stuffy little room that could barely fit a small table with a cracked mirror, a sagging sofa in the corner, and a wardrobe for clothes, from which some concert rags were sticking out. A little further away, on another table, stood half-empty bottles of booze and a plate of dried-up snacks—it seemed that before the performance, the gentlemen from "Fallen Heavens" (the band's name, I remind you, is pretentious as all hell) had decided to have a little something for courage. And on the only intact chair in front of the mirror sat Sif. On his lap, playfully swinging her leg, sat some young lady of indeterminate age. Let's hope she's at least eighteen... And she also had cat ears... "Nice performance," my voice sounded deliberately loud, cutting through the silence. "Even brought back memories of my youth." Paying no attention to the stunned faces of the young "people," I swaggered inside, walked over to the table with the booze, and grabbed the first bottle of tequila I saw. I hadn't tried this one before, got to check it out. I plopped down on the sofa, opened the cap with my teeth with a crunch, and, spitting it out onto the dirty floor with gusto, took the first big gulp.
I need a little courage too; after all, I'm not really... used to having kids. Especially ones this grown-up. It's a strange feeling.
"Who the fuck are you?!" Sif jumped up from his chair, causing the girl sitting on his lap to slide to the floor with a quiet squeal and immediately hide behind his back, peeking out fearfully.
"Don't recognize your old man, you punk?" I smirk, then, for added panache, I theatrically snap my fingers. With a bright golden flash, my demonic guise falls away, and I appear before them in my true form. "How are you, kiddo? No one's bothering you?"
"Dad?" Now Sif was even more stunned. If we were in a cartoon, his jaw would have definitely hit the floor. Apparently, he was expecting to see an arrogant asshole coming for a showdown much more than his own father, whom he hadn't seen in a couple of hundred years. Yikes... "What... what are you doing here?" he asked, coming to his senses. "I'm not going back to Heaven!" And now defiance cut through his voice. What's up with him?
"Well, I'm not forcing you," I lazily spread my arms, levitating the now half-empty bottle back to the table with the power of my mind. Shit tequila, to be honest. It felt like I'd just downed pure alcohol. Disgusting. "You're a grown boy now, two thousand years old after all. You should decide your own fate, or something like that. So how are you doing? I see you're performing on stage?"
At that very moment, the young girl peeked out from behind my little shit's back again and began to look at me with undisguised interest. But even so, she couldn't hide the slight blush that appeared on her cheeks.
"I'm performing..." Sif winced, turning around with displeasure and, apparently, giving his young lady some kind of sign not to stick her head out. It's strange that he's acting like this with her. If she were just another fan he had invited to his dressing room to "have some fun," his behavior would have been clearly different. Well, at the very least, he would have just kicked her out so she wouldn't interfere with the "important" conversation with his father. And the girl herself doesn't look surprised by my... um... transformation. In short, it's immediately clear that she knows something about the "mystical" part of this world, which means she's not as simple as she seems, and the ears also subtly hint at that. "You could say that," Sif continued, turning back to me. "But I still haven't heard why exactly you came here."
"Ugh, and where's the respect for your daddy? You've gotten completely out of hand," I sigh like an old man, then can't hold back a sly grin. Yes, my son definitely has character, and that's even cool. Especially when you remember the eternally soft and indecisive Abel and the traitorous bastard Cain. Sif turned out to be something in between his older brothers, and, to be honest, he reminded me a lot of Adam himself in his youth. Just not as tired of all this shit. "Well, I was 'walking' my friends around the local seedy places, and then I saw you on stage," I shrug innocently. "So I decided to talk to my son, we haven't seen each other in a long time, after all." I spread my arms again, as if to say, I was just passing by, not making any cunning plans.
"So, you're saying you saw me by chance?" Sif asked with such suspicion, as if I weren't his own father, but a tax inspector who had come for an unscheduled audit. And what the fuck is wrong with him? I don't think I gave him any reason to suspect me of anything. Yes, the meeting is, of course, extremely unexpected, but not to this extent!
"That's exactly what I'm saying," I theatrically roll my eyes and tilt my head to the side, propping it up with my fist and feigning universal boredom. "By the way, won't you introduce me to this charming young lady?" And now—my most charming smile for the girl who had once again shyly peeked out from behind his shoulder.
"Hello," she smiled sweetly, waving at me. Sometimes I really regret that in this fucking world, there's no sane sensory perception. Because I can clearly see that she's not just a human, but I can't feel anything specific, no details, fuck! This could literally be Eve herself in disguise, for example, and I wouldn't feel it or know it in any way! Because the local god, when he was creating this world, decided not to bother and not to add such a useful mechanic as sensitivity to someone else's energy... Yikes...
"Good evening, young lady," I smile back at her, seeing her hide behind Sif's back again. "So, son? Are you going to keep quiet?" I turn my gaze to him.
"None of your business," he snorted, looking away like a sulking teenager.
"Oh, Sif, what's with the childishness?" I roll my eyes again, struggling to suppress the urge to facepalm. This is just unbearable. "You haven't seen your dad in two hundred years, maybe more, why such a cold reception?"
"Ugh..." Sif also sighs heavily, but he couldn't hold back the "facepalm." "Fine. This is Azura," he finally gave in. "She's my… girlfriend," the young (two thousand years old, I remind you!) rocker finally forced out, blushing deeply, trying not to look me in the eye.
"O-o-oh, a girlfriend..." I savored the last word he said, drawing out the words and stretching a sly, wicked grin from ear to ear, causing both kids to blush even more. "Wonderful..." Wiping the sly smirk off my face, I look at the girl again... Let's hope our sweet Azura has nothing to do with the Daedra or that game about the blue hedgehog... "My name is Adam," I stood up from the sofa and walked over to the girl, extending my hand with my most gallant smile, which she, after a moment's hesitation, immediately shook shyly. "I'm this blockhead's father. I hope he's not causing you too much trouble?"
"Father, stop it," Sif grumbled with displeasure.
"Stop what, son?"
"Hitting on my girlfriend. I know how you really behave."
"Ha, I've changed a lot in these two hundred years, but right now I'm concerned about one very important thing..." I walked over and sat in the armchair opposite this cute couple. Both immediately tensed up, as I had deliberately added a bit of steel to my voice. "What the fuck are you doing performing in a shithole like this?"
"Huh?" The exact same, bewildered reaction from both of them.
"Dude, your daddy is the main, fucking, rock star of all the Heavens! So what the hell are you, my son, doing performing in some shabby, stinking club for broke-asses and non-conformists?!" I threw my hands up for greater effect.
"I like it this way, that's all," my son sighed, giving the most concrete answer that I couldn't develop even if I wanted to. "So you're just here by chance? And that's it?"
"I'm telling you, I brought some friends from Hell here to have some fun, so what?" Oh yes, I'll definitely remember the stunned faces of these two for a long time. But if any of them think that I'm just giving out this kind of information for no reason, they are very deeply mistaken. I'm watching their reactions carefully. And if I can only say about Sif that he's still the same "little shit," a little more grown-up, but still just as stubborn, then his girlfriend... Azura, right? In short, she knows a LOT. Which means my initial theory that my son, having fallen in love with a simple human girl, drunkenly blabbed all the secrets of Heaven and Hell to her is thrown to the dogs. Her reaction was too eloquent and natural. Too... unlike the reaction of an inhabitant of this world. So who is she really? An angel? A demon? A sinner? In theory, Sif could perfectly well open portals to Hell as well…
"From Hell?" My son tried to hide his genuine surprise. "You're making 'friends' in Hell now? That's new."
"I'm telling you," I smirk, noticing an almost untouched cup of tea on the table. At least there's something "edible" here. I levitate it to myself with the power of my mind and take a big gulp... It's cold, damn it. Well, no matter, we'll heat it up with Light now. "I've changed a lot in that time. And now, would you be so kind as to tell me how you met this charming lady?"
"No," he threw out shortly, a little rudely, but immediately received a palpable elbow to the side from his "sweetheart," after which he hissed in pain. "Fine-fine, I'll tell you, why start fighting right away?!" Sif immediately gave up, sighing sadly. "It all started about fifteen years ago…"
Fifteen minutes later… I wonder how my girls are doing? Are they bored without me?
So, my vague suspicions about the unusual origin of my son's girlfriend were fully confirmed. Azura is a fallen cherub… What the fuck. That's it in one word. And an even bigger, fucking, what the fuck—is the story she told me.
In short, she is one of the many who suffered at the hands of… or rather, at the hooves of, that very doe, Deerie. Who, as it turned out, wasn't just selling out her own fellow cherubs by the thousands for no reason. Because after the "expulsion from Heaven," a very notable person, whose name consists of three letters, would immediately approach all these "fallen," confused, and frightened cherubs… And no, Eve's name is not "Dick," what kind of stupid fifth-grader jokes are these?
Eve would approach the unfortunate cherubs and begin to actively fuck with their minds on the topic of the "evil, hypocritical Heaven" that had "betrayed" them. She promised that if they followed her, they would get a chance for revenge and the opportunity to "ascend." In short, she fed them a bunch of pretentious but very convincing bullshit, which these poor souls, in shock from their sudden expulsion from Heaven, gladly bought.
By my most conservative estimates, it turns out that Eve now has a whole, fucking, army of over ten thousand cherubs, pumped up with Darkness, embittered at the whole world, with thoroughly washed brains. And that, I tell you, is very, VERY unpleasant information. Which again changes absolutely everything. Because the plan that Abel is currently developing was prepared against a small number of very strong opponents, not against a huge, fucking, pile of cannon fodder, supported by these very super-strong opponents.
The fact that our future enemy was once our friend, our ally—that's an even bigger problem. Because no matter how ruthless butchers my little exorcists were shown as in that cartoon, they were still living beings, and, for the most part, girls. And they, as I've long since noticed, are even more… alive in this world? More emotional? In short, I think you understand why this is a huge problem. And my commanders and I will have to think very seriously about solving it in our spare time.
Let's get back to Azura. She, you could say, was lucky. She didn't meet that "notable person with a three-letter name" first, but a no less notable, but much more pleasant person, though of the male gender, and also with three letters in his name… She met Sif, in short. And he, not being an evil villain, helped this sweet, frightened little cat-cherub, calming her down and promising to deal with all the injustice. And then Eve kidnapped her… Who immediately began to corrupt the poor girl's mind, after which she filled her with Darkness and offered to "take revenge" on Heaven. But Azura, even after such "processing," did not agree and demanded to be returned. And Eve took her and actually returned her! Apparently, not realizing that she had kidnapped her not from some nobody, but from my son. Who, by the way, at that very moment, along with his rocker buddies, was already preparing to storm first Heaven, and then Hell, wanting to rescue his beloved little cat… This guy has a hot head, just like his father. Apparently, he liked this Azura at first sight. That's how they met. And after a few weeks spent together, Azura, according to her, no longer wanted to return to Heaven, having fallen completely and irrevocably in love with my wayward son.
Yes, it's romantic, of course, no argument there. But that doesn't cancel out all the other problems.
"Azura," I decided to take the bull by the horns. "As I said, the one responsible for all these diversions and your expulsion has already been punished and placed under guard. All charges against you have been dropped, and you, like my wayward son, who, by the way, did not inform me of such important information…" I threw a stern, judgmental look at the boy, who immediately looked down in shame, "…will always be welcome in Heaven. I would also like to ask you for one favor, will you hear me out?"
"Y-yes, of course, Lord Adam!" the girl jumped up from Sif's lap, standing at attention. She didn't salute—and thank you for that.
"I would like to try… to cleanse you of the Darkness that is inside you. What do you think?" I can't risk everything, knowing that there is a real chance to return the enemy army to the side of the Light. Even if it's dangerous. She might even die in the process, but the price of this risky experiment will be thousands of saved cherubic souls who were drawn into a completely unnecessary war for them through deceit and manipulation.
"If… Um… Yes, I don't mind, will it hurt a lot?" You can see that Azura is nervous. Sif is silent, apparently respecting his chosen one's choice and giving her the opportunity to decide everything for herself. But in his gaze, I clearly noticed both hope and a desperate plea.
Well, son, I'll try to save her and keep her alive…
"Yes, it will hurt. Try to relax…" I walked over and placed my palm on her forehead. This is exactly where the Light needed to be applied when transforming an angel into an exorcist. "Just remember who you're doing this for."
The girl, trembling with fear, after these words of mine, looked at Sif, and after a moment's hesitation, for the first time, looked me straight in the eye. Now she wasn't trembling. Yes, determination really gives strength, as always…
"I'm ready."
"Beginning…" I began to supply the Light, little by little, carefully, replacing the Darkness with it. Azura immediately winced and hissed, as befits a real cat. It was clear that she was in a lot of pain, and the process itself was causing her incredible discomfort, but she wasn't dying, like Deerie, who had eaten the apple back in the day. Apparently, there's still a chance if you were just forcibly pumped with Darkness… "Hang in there…" It took quite a lot of Light to convert ordinary angels, about a tenth of the past Adam's entire reserve. Now, I think, it won't take more than a hundredth, but in this particular situation, I've already poured that very tenth into her, and the "cleansing" wasn't even close to being finished. Either Eve's Darkness was some incredibly powerful and concentrated, or something else, but I couldn't drag it out any longer. Azura was already on the verge of losing consciousness from the pain, so I'll have to take a little risk…
I concentrated and for a moment weakened the flow of Light, and then, on the contrary, sharply, concentratedly released it in huge quantities into the area of her chest and limbs. Azura immediately burst into a scream, and a worried Sif immediately scooped her up in his arms, looking at me, then at her, with fear.
I just nodded to him, as if to say, "everything will be fine, don't worry." After which I increased the pressure again and literally hammered half of my current reserve into her body, this time saturating her head with Light as well.
Done. I no longer felt the Darkness. Only Light, and quite powerful, but gradually weakening, like a heated frying pan on a turned-off stove…
"Azura! Azura!" Sif tried to call out to the girl, but she was unconscious. "Father, what's wrong with her?!" It was clear that he himself was on the edge. He had found love, and now, so stupidly, he could lose her? No. Everything went successfully. Maybe in the past, with those sinners, I just didn't have enough strength? Although there, their Darkness literally disintegrated along with their bodies, so, no…
"It's okay, she's just very tired," I sighed, slumping onto the chair where Sif had been sitting. "What are you standing there for like a statue? Put her on the sofa at least, you gentleman, for fuck's sake…" I say out of exhaustion and nervous tension, watching as my son gently, lovingly lays his girlfriend on the sofa, looking at her with concern. "See that she's breathing? That means she's alive. She'll come to soon."
"Okay… Thank you…" He turned around and looked at me with some sad, guilty eyes. What now, for fuck's sake? "She… she was very worried about having the Darkness in her. And when I couldn't help her, I… Well, here…" He held out his hand, on which sparks of Darkness immediately began to swirl and dance.
For fuck's sake!
"Sif, you little moron, why the fuck did you do that?!"
"What was I supposed to do?!" he burst out shouting. "Azura was poisoned with Darkness that she couldn't get rid of! How else was I supposed to show her that it's okay?!"
"..." I sighed heavily, waiting for him to calm down and come to his senses. "Well, for example, come to me? Or to the Seraphim? Didn't think of that, no?"
"..." Now he looked down again, like a guilty puppy.
"I was ashamed. I left, 'slamming the door,' and to come back so soon, begging for help… it would have been… wrong."
"Yikes…" Sometimes I forget that growing up here is completely different from in my world. Fuck, this guy is two thousand years old, and he's acting like a capricious, offended teenager! And this, fucking, is considered the norm here!
"Sif, don't shout…" a weak voice came from the sofa. Wow, she came to so quickly. "Lord Adam, thank you so much, I… I'm very grateful to you…" Azura tried to get up, but Sif immediately gently held her down, making her lie down.
"Alright, kiddo, get ready for your own cleansing now. Daddy's gonna have to save your ass too…"
It took a whole THREE of my full reserves for Sif, to my complete astonishment… A reminder for those in the dark: I now have a reserve like a full-fledged, fucking, Seraph! In short, without my "Sunshine," I definitely wouldn't have been able to "pull him through."
All this took another ten minutes. After exchanging numbers with Sif and his no-longer-so-"dark" flame, I left the dressing room, feeling squeezed like a lemon. I mean, I'm supposed to be at a "party" right now, and I just ditched my companions to run to some rocker's dressing room… Yikes, without context, all this sounds… not great… Really, fucking, not great…