CHIARA
I swam with speed, but the water current tried to hold me back, so I swam with force, defying it. Before Carmelo, there was my mother. I have forgotten about her completely and was ashamed of my own reflection. Why was I thinking, dragging this man into my mess? He was innocent. He didn't deserve to be tainted by me and my darkness.
I shouldn't have done it. I loathed the day I shamelessly thought of approaching and using him. I hated myself more now that I knew what it felt like to belong with someone. I hated myself for loving him. Because my love came with a price. I ruined his life. I took another dive, shivering but not stopping. The water felt like needles to my skin. I needed this pain. I deserved it.
I needed to tell him the truth, everything. I emerged at the edge and jumped back with a shriek to find him already standing there with a towel. I squeezed my eyes shut. My heart pounded in my ears. He gave me a hand and pulled me out of the pool. I shivered when the breeze hit my skin. He quickly wrapped the towel around me. "Who swims at this hour for God's sake?" He pulled me to his chest, rubbing my back.
I buried my face on his chest and started to sob, audibly. Even when I turned him down before his family, he was still being nice to me. Why? I didn't deserve him. "Look, tesoro. I'm sorry, okay? I shouldn't have rushed things up like this. Fuck!" he sucked it a deep breath while my hands clutched his shirt, trembling.
"Let's get you inside, first." He carried me in. On the way we met with Junior and Chelsea. I hid my face on his chest while he talked to them. Junior mentioned wanting to spend the night here with his girlfriend and Melo told him to take any of the guestrooms on the ground floor.
He took me to his bedroom and placed me down on his bed. He then wrapped me around with the warm sheet. He took off his jacket and went to switch the heater on before coming to sit beside me. No sooner had the room temperature soothed my body. But my heart was still aching and my mind swirling. One thing was clear amidst everything; I wanted him and nothing else.
I looked at him for a long time.
"Love—"
"Ask me again." His eyes widened and he held in his breath for a second before he drew in a sharp breath. "We don't have to go through with this if you're not ready yet, tesoro."
"Ask me again, Melo." He grabbed a handful of his hair, cursing under his breath.
"I've wanted you since the moment I saw you. And since then I have seen nobody but you. You might think it's funny." I honestly didn't.
"But it is what I feel for you. Love doesn't even feel like a suitable word to express it. Like I said before, it is beyond it. I want to spend the rest of my life with you. I want to start a family with you. And it can only be you. And if you say no, I won't stop. I'll let you go but I'll never stop loving you and I'll never love or be with anybody else. So, it has to be you, tesoro."
I let the tears flow down this time as I stared at him. His frown, the veins that popped on his forehead, and the others straining on his neck. His clenched fists. As if my tears were tormenting him. What have I done to deserve this? And why am I still being selfish and wanting him for myself? I was going to tell him the truth but how could I?
I couldn't bear to break his beautiful heart. I couldn't dim the light on his face or the joy in his voice and his captivating eyes. Even now as he spoke to me, he was tearing up with me. God, I didn't deserve him. I sniffled.
"Tell me one good reason why I should waste my time, efforts and attention on you for the rest of my life?"
He wiped his face roughly, chuckling, "Well, you can own everything I own, including my heart. But then you already owned that part of me for a very long time now. You can have anything that you want, my love, my attention, my time, even my life. I won't change anything about you. And if you want it in a contract then we'll do that. Except for leaving."
More tears flowed down. "So, as your captive?" I knew that wasn't what he meant.
His red eyes widened, "No! God, no. Not as a captive. Just—just don't leave me is what I'm trying to say."
"I don't understand." I did.
"Don't leave me, tesoro. Please," His voice trembled and then he buried his face in his palms. "Deal." I said, smirking at him when he raised his face to look at me.
He blinked his eyes. "So, you will marry me?"
"Ask correctly." I sat up. He cleared his throat and went down on his knee again, "Will you marry me, tesoro?" I grabbed his tie and pulled his face closer to mine. "If I say yes, then this means forever. No backing out." I said shamelessly. "Trust me, I'm going nowhere, tesoro. Stuck with you forever." He uttered above my lips. I kissed him hard and pulled back to face him. "Yes. I will marry you," I uttered in between my blurry eyes and choking voice. He crushed his lips on mine and then pulled out the ring again. I stretched my hand, and he gently slid it on my finger, before placing a kiss on it.
There was a moment of silence between us. Only our breaths dominated the room. Then we were all over each other. Mouths crushing, hands searching restlessly. And then he was on top of me. His harsh breaths in a competition with mine. I licked my lower lip, my fingers reaching for his shirt without breaking eye contact. He stopped me when I started to unbutton it.
"We don't have to do this." He said but it sounded like he was convincing himself because my mind was long made up.
"We don't." I replied, continuing to unbutton his shirt.
He shut his eyes, panting along with me. "Fuck! I want to do this."
"Then do it. What are you waiting for? An official notice?"
He chuckled, tucking a strand of hair behind my ear. "Are you sure, tesoro?"
"Are you going to do it or not?" If he said another word I was going to lose it.
He cursed, lifted himself up and pulled the shirt above his head while I unbuckled his belt. He then stands to take it off while I throw the sheets and the towel off me. They were getting me drenched with sweat anyway. Then my thong set followed to the floor.
I watched him shuffling with something in the nightstand's drawer. He was then back on top of me, his eyes were like dark depths. "You're ethereal, my love." He captured my mouth. It was his slow, steady, sensational sucking and tugging of my lips and tongue that made me lose myself to him. Why was he so good at kissing? Making me wonder what else he excelled in.
He tore the silver foil with his teeth and I followed his hand below. His—Oh my. I sucked in a deep breath as he positioned himself, gathering my thighs up with his knees. I couldn't tell why but something told me to buckle up, so I gripped the sheets, waiting with a racing heart. "If you feel any sort of discomfort please let me know and I'll stop. Okay, tesoro?" He pecked my lips pressing his forehead with mine. "Okay." I breathed out.
He thrusted inside me with one go and my head fell back with an audible gasp. Stars exploded in my vision. He filled me up, and not only below, but everywhere else as well with each of his thrusts. Mind, heart, senses, every fucking where.
My breaths came out in short bursts, biting my lip hard, eyes rolling out of earth and disappeared into the unknown. His hands gripped my waist. He wasn't going hard, but slow, steady, almost too passionately and sensationally. Making me lose my mind with each of his hip rolls. He grunted in response to my moans.
Heat pooled under the pit of my stomach making me curl my toes and grip the sheets for dear life. And then I started to see stars, singing his name in different melodies. Everything came crushing down to me as his pace quickened. He leaned down kissing me as though he was claiming me. "Fuck, you're so beautiful, tesoro. I can't believe you are mine."
My hands left the sheets and clawed his back instead as I climaxed and convulsed beneath him. He kept his pace as I rode my wave until he also came down his high and toppled on top of me, his head buried on my neck. Singing praises to me.
His hot quick breaths were in sync with mine. I could feel the rhythm of our hearts through our pressed chests. He flipped on his back and pulled me on top of him. "I love you. So much," He murmured, his arms circling tightly around me, as if I was going to run away.
I sucked in a breath, staring as realization settled in. So, this was what it was this whole time. Love. "I love you." I murmured. I heard him taking an intake of breaths while his arms tightened around me. I shut my eyes, letting the tears have their way with me. I loved him.