CARMELO
In my entire life, I never thought I'd ever get rejected like that. And mind you, it wasn't even my ego that was hurt. It was my damn heart. My heart was crushed by a damn hammer. Have you any idea how much painful it was for someone you loved with everything you have and then only for them to say no? Like your feelings were not enough. Like you were not enough.
That was what I felt when she suddenly said no when I was certain she wouldn't. I looked around and met with concerned faces of my family. But I was the first son, so I had to get my shit together even when I wanted to melt and break down right then and there. I wanted to scream on top of my lungs for the pain that I was feeling. It was too much. I found it hard to even breathe.
Wow, nobody told me love hurts that much. Nobody warned me. Everybody just kept saying love is beautiful, love is a wonderful thing. How about we normalize preparing our people mentally the moment they enter a relationship?
The drive back was agonizingly painful. Torturous. I felt like my insides were getting twisted.
Chiara turned her back on me, but I could see her wiping her face from time to time. What have I done wrong? Where did I mess up? Where because I did everything right for her. Everything. I gripped the steering wheel. And now I made her cry. I would never forgive myself for this.
Maybe Junior was right. I was eager. Maybe it was too soon for her but since it wasn't for me, so I got selfish. Fuck! Why didn't I think of that? She was crying nonstop because of me. What if her anxiety acted up? Fuck you, Carmelo. Fuck you!
We arrived and she stepped out of the car before I could reach her door. I held her wrist, stopping her from running away from me. "Chichi, I—"
"I need a moment." She peeled my hand from her wrist and strutted inside. My hand hung in the air and then clenched into a fist. I fucked up! I shouldn't have done that. I shouldn't have hurried things up like that. But… for the past few days I thought I felt something between us. I thought we shared something and that's why I made the move. I wouldn't have done it otherwise.
Honestly, I was curious. What was stopping her? What exactly because I could almost swear, I saw something in her eyes, almost like fear. And I was bloody curious because she never showed me fear before. Chiara was a strong woman even when she didn't have to be. So, seeing that was fucking up my mind. Because whatever it was…I knew it was real.
I followed her inside. She went straight to the balcony, stepped out of her heels, removed the straps of her dress off her shoulders and let the dress pool down to her feet. I stood behind the glass door, watching her taking a deep dive in the swimming pool. I done fucked everything up. Everything that I'd worked for, for years.