The smell of fish, sea salt, and bankruptcy. That, in my vast and varied experience, defined the pure, unfiltered essence of Hargeon's port. I walked beside Gray with the calm of someone who has seen much bigger disasters happen in much less interesting places. He, on the other hand, was huffing like a tired bull, probably carrying the weight of all the remaining common sense in our guild on his shoulders. Spoiler: considering the state of the rest of the team, he really was.
And there they were, the holy trinity of chaos: Natsu, Lucy, and Happy, in a pathetic attempt to convince a visibly grumpy fisherman to take them to the so-called Galuna Island. It was a spectacle worthy of a particularly bad puppet show. Lucy was pulling desperate faces, clasping her hands in supplication, probably promising treasures she didn't possess.
Happy was waving his little paws in the air as if it were some kind of hypnotic dance to persuade stubborn sailors. And Natsu… well, Natsu was just bellowing about the vital importance of his mission, with all the subtlety of a dragon politely asking for a cup of sugar. The poor fisherman looked seconds away from throwing the three of them into the sea to feed the crabs, a decision I, frankly, would have supported.
[Situation analysis in progress,] Eos commented in my mind, with the tone of someone watching a scientific experiment go gloriously wrong. [Probability of success for the current negotiation: approximately 1.3%. Probability of Natsu accidentally starting a fire: 78%. Probability of Lucy having a nervous breakdown: 99.8%. Suggestion: prepare the mental popcorn.]
It was then that Gray, with the reluctant heroism of someone who is the only responsible adult in the room (even if he refuses to wear clothes), decided to intervene. He ran towards them, his face a mask of pure, crystalline exasperation.
"Finally found you, you idiots!" Gray's cold voice cut through the air like a blade of ice.
Lucy nearly had a heart attack, jumping in fright. Natsu, on the other hand, just spun on his heels, breaking into that fighting-cock grin that always preceded a terrible decision. And me? Ah, I just found a conveniently placed wooden crate at a safe distance, leaned against it, crossed my arms, and, while opening my precious book of "Fun Curses for Parties and Social Gatherings", I watched the circus begin to catch fire.
"You're not going anywhere with that stolen S-Class mission!" Gray declared, with his arms crossed and an aura of authority that Natsu, predictably, ignored completely. "Give it up now, before I drag you back to the guild by your ears!"
"You can try and drag me, you exhibitionist ice-lolly stick!" Natsu retorted with his usual eloquence, his hands already crackling with flames and a promise of property destruction.
It was at that exact moment, with the threat of an elemental confrontation about to destroy half the docks, that the old fisherman's eyes finally widened. Not because of the impending fight, but because of the magic.
"H-hold on a minute… you… you're real mages?!"
Lucy, desperate and hoping to minimise the damage, tried to intervene with a strained smile. "Y-yes, we're from Fairy—"
"THEN YOU CAN HELP US!" he cut her off, his previously grumpy face now lit by a sudden and suspicious glint of hope, as if he had just found the solution to all his existential (and financial) problems. "I'll take you to the island! Of course I will! For free! Only mages can end that bloody curse!"
That change in attitude left even the focused Gray momentarily confused. He frowned, forgetting Natsu for an instant and turning to the man. "What do you mean 'curse'? What's this story? What do you know about this island?"
And it was precisely this small, fatal gap in concentration that our tactical genius, Natsu Dragneel, needed.
"Thanks for your unwitting cooperation in the distraction!" he yelled with a triumphant grin, leaping forward with his right fist already ablaze.
A dry, terribly final 'thud' echoed across the docks as Natsu's fist connected with Gray's chin, and the ice mage, caught completely by surprise, simply kissed the wooden planks of the port with the elegance of a stone. Unconscious. In seconds.
"NATSU, YOU IDIOT!" Lucy screamed, her hands on her head in pure, absolute horror.
"Problem efficiently solved," Natsu said, with a satisfied pride in his voice, already cracking his knuckles. And, as if they had been rehearsing it for weeks, Happy appeared with a coil of rope, beginning to tie up Gray's unconscious body with a skill that was somewhat concerning.
The fisherman, for his part, pretended he hadn't seen a thing, whistling and looking at the sky with a sudden interest in clouds. Convenient. A little too convenient for my cynical taste.
And me? I just sighed, marking the page of my book with my finger. And I commented, in a dry, resigned tone, loud enough for everyone to hear:
"Congratulations, Natsu. Not only have you stolen a mission, but now you've kidnapped your own guildmate. Fairy Tail really outdoes itself every day when it comes to 'crime and juvenile stupidity'.
The silence that followed my observation was almost funny in its intensity. Only then did Natsu and Lucy, who had been too busy with their little drama, turn around, finally, and to my disappointment, noticing my casual presence leaning against the crate, holding my book and with a steaming cup of tea in my hand (yes, I always carry tea. Priorities).
"A-Azra'il?!" Lucy choked out, her eyes as wide as a frightened fish's.
"…How long have you… have you been here?!" Natsu stopped with the rope halfway through tying the final knot on one of Gray's ankles, his previous expression of pure, childish excitement now turning into a nervous and perhaps slightly fearful hesitation.
"…Are you going to... stop us?" he asked, and it was strangely interesting to see the fire in his eyes waver for an instant, just at the doubt of my likely, irritating answer.
I sighed, a long sigh full of an ancient weariness. I took another slow sip of my tea and shook my head.
"No. Frankly, I'm quite comfortable here. The Master, in his infinite and questionable wisdom, only sent me to supervise and prevent you lot, you walking disasters, from destroying some innocent village or town in the process. If you want to throw yourselves headfirst into a forbidden and probably deadly mission, that's entirely your problem. The mission to stop you was Gray's, not mine. And, as you can see," I gestured with my cup towards his tied-up body, "he's temporarily... unavailable."
Natsu blinked, completely surprised by my apparent lack of opposition.
Lucy, on the other hand, turned even whiter than she already was, as if my indifference were more terrifying than my fury.
And Happy, the small, opportunistic, traitorous cat, celebrated with a cheerful "Aye Sir!".
"Alright! We've got the official supervision of an S-Class Mage! Now no one can stop us!"
"Supervision? Oh, don't be mistaken, my small, furry, morally flexible friend. I'll just be here to laugh when you do something monumentally idiotic and to narrate your probable, tragic death. Don't get the two confused," I corrected, with a sweet, venomous smile, as I closed my precious book of curses.
Natsu, completely ignoring the subtlety of my threat, broke into that wide, carefree grin of his again, back to his usual, insane confidence.
"Then it's settled! To Galuna Island! Adventure awaits!"
Lucy, on the other hand, was already holding her head in both hands, repeatedly muttering something very depressing about "I'm going to be kicked out of the guild, I'll be homeless, I'll have to sell my organs to pay the rent...".
And me? I just got on the boat with the philosophical resignation of one who knew, with an almost prophetic certainty, that this small, unsolicited trip would be a glorious mix of Greek tragedy, slapstick comedy, and a truly astronomical amount of public and private property destruction. And I had a front-row seat. Wonderful.